Re: New thread time while you're all here - religious belief and mental health where are the lines?


"Jymn" <jymnat@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:46594e94$0$26151$c3e8da3@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Halla" wrote in response to Jymn's repy to her previous post:
<snip>

My own little theory on this is that some adopt this as a sort of
survival mechanism, but it is not terribly effective. The strongly
opinionated are gratified that there is someone about who agrees (or
at least who does not disagree, although they may not be willing to
see the distinction), but then they become disillusioned and confused
when the agreeable person turns out to agree with someone who holds an
opinion which is opposed to their own.

Ah, that's the assumption that nice / pleasant / polite automatically equals
"agrees with me". And then the politeness is slammed as "hypocrisy" when
really, it's nothing more than a lack of unnecessary aggression.

[]


The agreeable person is, of course, a chameleon and is desperately
trying to balance the see-saw from its centre point just to try and
fit in. Perhaps they don't know any other way, perhaps they have some
deep conditioning to try and make everyone happy. (Found a quote in a
book which is apt, but can I find the book now? No.) It doesn't really
work, because someone who can accommodate many opinions without
getting into an argument comes across as false to many observers, or
else the chameleon seems wily and changable, not to be trusted, or
else so mild and wishy-washy that they're not worth talking to.

To me, chameleonism goes far deeper than that, but may start that way.

Most of the time, you *can* accommodate a lot of different views without
having to become definitive and assertive, though. And are we talking
"argument" or "heated discussion", here? ;)


I don't know about reflecting those around them, mind. That's a
mirror, which is different AFAIC. Mirrors show what's there
(backwards), they don't change to compliment the person looking into
them.

Mirroring is a powerful counselling tool and I've probably got completely
the wrong word. Is echoing any better as a term? Its the subsuming of
self (if any self remains) to any group that the person happens to be
around that I'm referring to. It's quite possible for an individual to
comfortable with and appear to fit in with a huge range of groups and
social occaisions, and still retain their own sense of self - that's not
what I'm referring to. (Even if in appearing to fit in and belong, the
inner voices are squeaking what am I doing here)

I know that one :( But what about being in a wide range of groups and not
feeling particularly uncomfortable in any of them, because "belonging to a
group" is not really that important?

[]



Having spent huge amounts of time over recent years being unable to
communicate and getting knocked into a tiz by the question "how are you"
partly because I couldn't always work out what "you" referred to, I can
empathise. I'm not always the arrogant cocky *** that I may appear as
<g>

I must have missed that "side" ;-)

Jani



.