Re: Birds nest (from last month)

On the subject of ducks and string ....

Old Sean the farmer is getting on in years and decides to retire. He has two
sons but the farm is only big enough to support one of them. The problem is
that the oldest son, whom the farm would normally pass onto is as thick as
two short planks, the younger son is the really bright one.

He doesn't want to offend the oldest son but he feels the farm would be
better going to the younger one so he decides to set them a test, the one
that does best will get the farm.


He calls the boys together and explains the test, he will give them each a
duck to sell at the local market and the one who makes the most money will
get the farm.


They toss a coin to see who should go first, Seamie, the youngest son wins
the toss so that Friday he sets off to the market with his duck.


He can't believe it when he gets there, a load of people are looking for a
duck and he is the only one with a duck that day. He puts the duck up for
auction and gets Euro 60, an all-time duck record.


When he gets home, his da says "Well, Seamie, looks like you've won but we
have to let Padraig have his go".


So the following Friday, Padraig the oldest boy sets off with his duck. Of
course word had spread about the incredible price that duck sold for the
previous week so hundreds of people are there with ducks for sale, but
nobody wants any so Padraig isn't able to get his sold.


Walking disconsolately down the street, he meets Mary, the local lady of the
night.


"Hey, Padraig," says she, "Do you fancy a turn?"


"Sorry" says Padraig, "I've no money and I've just lost my inheritance into
the bargain".


Mary feels a bit sad for him, he looks so downhearted, thinks to herself
that business has benn bad that day, he's not a bad looking fella and a bit
of duck would be nice for Sunday's dinner so she says "Tell you what,
Padraig, I'll give you a turn for the duck".


Ah well, Padraig thinks to himself, I might as well do something to cheer
meself up so he gives her the duck and they head off to her flat. Turns out
that sex is one thing that Padraig is really good at and Mary is surprised
how much she enjoys it so she says "What about another turn, Padraig, and I
won't charge you this time!"


"Nah", says Padraig, "I'm tired and fed up and now I have to explain to me
da that I've neither money nor a duck"


"OK, she replies, "give me another turn and I'll give you the duck back
again"


In for a penny, in for a pound, Padraig gets stuck in again.


Afterwards he's heading home carrying the duck under his arm, he's a bit
tired after all his exertions and the duck starts to feel heavy; he spots a
length of twine lying at the roadside so he makes it into a leash, ties it
around the duck's neck and leads it along like a dog.


When he's about half a mile from home, a car comes flying round a bend at
about 80 mph, swerves to avoid Padraig, runs straight over the duck
splattering it to bits so nothing is left but the duck's head hanging from
the twine. The car slews to a halt and out stumbles the local Parish Priest,
drunk as a newt.


"Oh Jaysus" says the PP, "I nearly bloody killed you, Padraig, please don't
tell anyone I was drunk. Oh Holy Mother of God, look what I've done to your
duck. Here, hold on...", reaches into his pockets, pulls out a fistful of
money and hands it to Padraig. "Here" he says, "buy yourself a new duck -
buy half a dozen of them - just don't tell anyone I was drunk. He stumbles
back to the car and drives off.


Padraig counts the money and is amazed to find he now has Euro 230. So off
he heads home.


When he gets to the house, his da says "Well Padraig, how did it go?"


"Well, da" says Padraig, "I did a right day's trading."


"First of all, I got a *** for a duck."


"Then after that, I go a duck for a ***!"


Holding up the twine with the duck's head hanging from it he says


"Then I ended up with a fucked duck, but I still made Euro 230 - can I have
the farm now please?"


.