A Few Misc old ones ( theyre the best!)



Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about
the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One
mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the
other maintained that it was surprisingly high.

"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math
question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do".
He then excused himself to visit the men's room, and the other called
the waitress over.

"When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to ask you a
question, and I want you to respond `one third x cubed.' There's
twenty bucks in it for you." She agreed.

The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the waitress over. "The
food was wonderful, thank you," the mathematician started. "Incidentally,
do you know what the integral of x squared is?"

The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the
room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, and finally said, "Um, one
third x cubed?"

So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled around, walked a few
paces away, looked back at the two men, and muttered under her breath,
"...plus a constant."
****************************************************************


Good Luck Mr. Gorsky
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he
not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for
mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic
between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark
"Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival
Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the
Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned
Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but
Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a
speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This
time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong
felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's
bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to
pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky,
"Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door
walks on the moon!"



****************************************************************************



Subject: New Mini warning

This warning is found in the "Service" section of the owners manual.
BMW did their best to translate their intentions.

"ACHTUNG!
Alles Touristen Und Non-technishen Lookens Peepers!
Das machine control is nicht fur gerfingenpoken und mittengrabben.
Oderwise is easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfuse, und
poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Der machine is diggen by
experten only. Is nicht fur gerverken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubberneken sightseenen keepen das cottonpicken hands in das
pockets, so relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights."

**********************************************************************************************************


Some women are gathered and the subject of
conversation turns to sex and then birth
control. The first woman says "We're
Catholic so we can't use it."
The next woman says "I am too but we use
the rhythm method." The third woman says
"We use the bucket and saucer method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer
method?", the others ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my
husband is five foot two. We make love
standing up with him standing on a bucket,
and when his eyes get big as saucers I
kick the bucket out from under him."




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Relevant Pages

  • Re: True Story
    ... you John I am with you on this....I would love it to be real... ... | made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." ... | Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, ... You want sex?! ...
    (rec.arts.mystery)
  • Good luck Mr Gorsky
    ... Sorry about the constant SHOUTING, but it was copied and pasted. ... keep it from you a second longer, so didn't waste any time editing it. ... OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, ... MR. GORSKY... ...
    (uk.people.silversurfers)
  • Re: Good luck Mr Gorsky
    ... ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. ... LUCK, MR. GORSKY... ... AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, ... YOU WANT SEX?! ...
    (uk.people.silversurfers)
  • Re: True Story
    ... since it's a true story. ... made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." ... Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, ... You want sex?! ...
    (rec.arts.mystery)