RR: Tea Bag/Quick Brew 600

"Death by ten thousand small inclines..."

Having picked up a chesty cough after last w/e's Spurn Head, I
wasn't too motivated about attending this, but checked the forecast;
Sat was supposedly midlin', and Sunday expected to be much better,
so I took a punt that riding would cure the cough[1] and tooled down
to Blackboys YH[2].

A drought order was in effect, so naturally the pitch behind the
hostel was sooo waterlogged, you could stick a spike in and get an
instant spring; thought about raising the Jolly Roger and sculling
the tent around. The midges were out, practising their squadron
formation attacks, so after a quick setup it was beat a hasty
retreat down to Heathfield for a Chinese, before bedding down around
10pm.

Up at 4am and pootle down to the start, as although I'd signed on
for the 8am start, I wanted to pull it forward slightly, as I wasn't
sure of making the (cafe) closure times at some of the controls.
Dave's laissez-faire attitude to starting was amenable to this, so I
peeled out the car park just before 6am;

Headed more-or-less due South, slipping though the Downs at
Alfriston, and hanging a right at the Channel. The 25-knot Westerly
made the coastal road picturesque (more that undulating, less than
scenic). Approaching Shoreham the skyline looked deeper black than
Disaster Area's sunship, but we hung a right through Steyning, up to
Cowfold, so the Acolytes of the Wheel didst avoid a drenching. Due
to (unforseen) decorating works at the appointed cafe, El Supremo
was providing his usual fine repast. [80k/80k]

A quick hop [49K/129k] due East, around the North of Haywards Heath
& though Uckfield bought us back to the 'start', using ridgelines of
the High Weald; mostly long drags up, with long runs along the
ridge/extended descents - had it been a sunnier day views would have
been excellent. Caught the (earlier starting) Mark Beauchamp, and
had discussions on Attack dingoes of the Audax routes, fixed & hills
- just say no, and Shawn Shaw routes one has been totally lost on.
Quick DIY control stop, before legging it to...

Dungyness. Hmmm, we /could/ have followed the ridgeline to
Brightling, but no, der Meister went via Burwash Common, then down &
up a (purportedly) 2.1k slope. Having lost and gained, a gradual
come-down off the Weald to Rye was performed, followed by skirting
the edge of Walland Marsh to Lydd & Dungeyness - the westerlies were
still going strong, which was going to make the return
interesting... [65k/194k]

Sat in the cafe and discussed hijacking the RH&D railway to get
back, but eventually decided to a wheel and buckled down to grinding
back across Walland Marsh & around the edge of The Isle of Oxney,
before starting to ascend again, due North through Brenzett &
Warehorne to Bethersden. Became totally confused about finding the
next Info (like several others) and spend ages circling Smarden,
before getting back on course via some more picturesque to World of
Water. [60k/254k]

Hmm - sat in WoW, with 2 hours till they closed, and over half the
field had still to come through - hadn't thought it that bad.

OK - back to the 'start' again; along another ridge, through
Rolvenden & Hartley to Goudhurst where JHC - how the mighty have
fallen - service station was advertising 4* @ £1.38/litre. The
landlord at the local must have been sampling his wares, as the
special of the day was "chish & fips". Sun makes an appearance
about 20:30, turning the fragmented clouds ruddy shades of red and
orange, promising more for Sunday. Continue & bear SW, through
Lamberhurst, Wadhurst & Mayfield, whereupon the route got distinctly
fixer-unfriendly; when it said 3000m climbing, I didn't expect them
*all* in one place. [47k/301k]

Pointless loops I have ridden #1. Back out ESE for 5k, then due
South to info near Pevensey Bay. Several rider pass, retracing the
outbound route, which is weird, as the nicest part of the day turns
out to be NCR2 across the Pevensey Levels, a lovely little twisting
lane with bulrush edges, and the lights of Eastbourne glowing over
the ridge. Climb back via Cowbeech & Vines Cross to 'start', then
continue another 4k to El S control. [48k/353k]

Espy one R. Phipps; must be the original, as he's looking pretty
wasted at this point. Yet another cuppa, then detour off-route 2k to
the YH & zZzZzZzZ....

Out at 5am to an azure sky, with mist-filled valley bottoms. Long,
long descent from Blackboys to Halland & Lewes; dead bodies
everywhere - bus shelters, garage forecourts...

Hang a right & skirt along the North edge of South Downs, then head
North through nice wooded lanes of St Leonard's Forest to Pease
Pottage services. [62k/411k]

Westward ho, through Horsham, to join the A272.

What a nightmare; twunts in holiday mode, overtaking on blind bends
& hills, and the angry hornet brigade trying to set new land speed
records on their PTWs.

Continue onwards through Billighursst & Petwork to Midhurst where
see numerous returning riders, including Mr Abrahams & Mel Kirkland
- an absolute animal, as he started at 10:30 and is /still/ passing
most of the field.

Wandering onwards when suddenly "twang - ouch!"; hello Achilles -
what do you want, never given me trouble before. Hobble around for
a while, then decide if I don't ankle seems to be bearable, so
continue through Petersfield to West Meon control. Espy R. Phipps
returning - must be clone #1, as he's looking much better that
previous... [74k/485k]

Pointless loops I have ridden #2: Pop some pink smarties at the
control, and settle down to grind back along the A272 (again). See
Mark B heading the other way. Traffic slightly less, but still full
of twunts & speed demons. Cont. to Buckbarn S/stn, where while
slumped on the forecourt a trio of Harley riders stop; try to
convince them of the benefits of swapping steads, but they were
having none of it. [62k/548k]

Out & cont. East on A272, then North through Maplehurst to
Warninglid, and retrace same route in as before; stop to pickup food
for evening meal, then hit finish control at 19:45. Espy one R.
Phipps - must be clone #2, as he's actually holding a conversation.
[56k/604k]

Back to YH, pizza & (non-alcoholic; booo) beverage, then head down
for a well-earned kip, having made SR.

Mrs Langtry was right to flutter her petticoats; although none of
the climbs were graded (i.e. nothing really over 10%), it certainly
felt hillier than the (stated) 3000m, due to the number of negative
descents.

Would I recommend it as a (first) 600? - No, there are better, and
the A272 section is a real killer.

Naturewatch: 4 badgers (3 dead, 1 live),
2 herons, 2 deer (buck and doe).
Fairy visits: None
Time: 37:46 (elapsed)
Song: "Fire & Ice", Joan Armatrading
Stats: 49 entries, 44 starters, 7 DNF

Next week: Park Rash, the view from LFB#1 (if the ankle recovers)

P.

[1] Did it buggery - still sound like poor man's James Earl Jones
[2] Lovely rambling YH, therefore scheduled for closure soon
.

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