Re: A COWSMIC VIEW OF WORLD ORGANIZATION


"Shuggy" <macnultys@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:ontp12dsbeqp6dqet51bpf5vi3u0cc04o0@xxxxxxxxxx
A COWSMIC VIEW OF WORLD ORGANIZATION
--------------------------------------------------------

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all
the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for
by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as
much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care
of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.

SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the
milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if
you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for
speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
or your neighbors kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a
tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are
transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to
all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report
says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from
milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
"ownership"is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering,
intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to
society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You
got to have some of this milk. Far out! Awesome!

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.

JAPANESE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters
so they don't ask any awkward questions about who you're giving the
milk to.

EUROPEAN FEDERALISM: You have two cows which cost too much money to
care for because everybody is buying milk imported from some cheap
east-European country and would never pay the fortune you'd have to
ask for your cows' milk. So you apply for financial aid from the
European Union to subsidise your cows and are granted enough
subsidies. You then sell your milk at the former elevated price to
some government-owned distributor which then dumps
your milk onto the market at east-European prices to make Europe
competitive. You spend the money you got as a subsidy on two new cows
and then go on a demonstration to Brussels complaining that the
European farm-policy is going drive you out of your job.

EASTERN EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You sell the milk
(diluted with some water) at a high price to the neighbors or to
anyone at the open-air market. If somebody asks for receipt, you
charge for a two times higher price, so nobody will request an
invoice. For concerned families with small babies you claim that the
milk is "bio", though you collect the grass for feeding at the side of
the highway and you keep the milk in plastic barrels used previously
as containers of dangerous chemicals. Later, your
neighbor or anybody from town will steal the cows and will buy their
meat for a high price, and if you ask for a receipt, you will be
charged for a two times higher price.

FINNISH SOCIALISM: You have two cows. Soon you have to kill one of
them because in the Netherlands there is an overproduction of milk and
the European Union rules say so. When you do so, you realize that it
was not necessary, only the system was too slow in getting you the
up-to-date news. From the stress, you get an ulcer in your stomach so
you go to a doctor. The doctor realizes that this ulcer is a serious
one, so you need an urgent treatment. Therefore, you soon get a call
to the local hospital. The call's date is for 3 months later, because
there is a queue with more urgent cases. Then your ulcer becomes even
more serious because you remember that 40 percent of your income is
taken for social tax.

You Forgot;

NIHILISTIC REALISM; You ain't got two cows and there's no milk in the fridge
either. And someone's screwed up the economy and the milk factory is closed
down. And the bird flu plague as wiped out half the people who used to work
there. And things are getting a little bit better every day!


.

Relevant Pages

  • "IT MUN BE SO"
    ... what's wrang wi' Lizzie. ... the cows. ... first time that I had accompanied her when she went to milk. ... 'Ye mun do your best, cushies, to-morn', I said. ...
    (uk.local.yorkshire)
  • Altering the fatty acids in cow milk fat with canola seed (plus mad cow?)
    ... Altering the fatty acids in milk fat by including ... of milk from dairy cows. ... Control or ground canola seed treatment (GCS) ...
    (sci.med.nutrition)
  • Re: Venture Communism Draft IV
    ... WORLD ECONOMY FEUDALISM: You have two cows. ... The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. ... The government gives you as much milk as you need. ... SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. ...
    (sci.econ)
  • Re: simple circuit for charging a capacitor
    ... illuminate when the cap is charged ... Socialism: You have two cows. ... The government takes both and provides you with milk. ...
    (sci.electronics.misc)
  • Re: Wheres those korean Sickles?
    ... I can't see a Chinese motorcycle selling ... You have two cows. ... You have to take care of them, but the government ... You steal back as much milk as you can and sell ...
    (rec.motorcycles)