U.S. IS FACING A CRONY SHORTAGE
- From: "graham" <g.stereo@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 16:15:48 GMT
With the withdrawal of Harriet Miers as Supreme Court nominee, the
U.S. IS FACING A CRONY SHORTAGE
Not Enough Cronies to Fill Government Positions, President Warns
by Andy Borowitz
In a nationally televised speech last night, President George W. Bush
warned the American people that the United States is facing a severe
shortage of cronies and that if the crisis is not addressed there may
not be enough cronies to fill key government positions.
"The shortage of cronies is a real and serious problem," the president
said in his speech from the Oval Office at the White House. "We ignore
it at our peril."
The president said that during his first five years in office he had
hired so many cronies in top administration jobs that the demand for
cronies had far outstripped the supply.
While some aides to the president have called for him to tap into the
Strategic Crony Reserves, an old-boy network of Republican insiders
warehoused in various think-tanks and lobbying groups in Washington,
D.C., the president said that such a solution is "little more than a
quick fix."
"In order to avert a serious shortage going forward, we need to
develop alternative sources of cronies," Mr. Bush said.
Dr. Davis Logsdon, who has been studying the nation's declining supply
of cronies at the University of Minnesota's Crony Research Institute,
said that outsourcing some of the work normally performed by
native-born cronies may be the solution to the crony shortage problem.
"The president may consider tapping into a plentiful supply of foreign
cronies, specifically in the Saudi royal family," he said.
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