Re: Auld lang syne
- From: "CJ Dunnaway" <cj_dunnaway-news@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2008 11:51:14 -0500
"Rowland McDonnell" <real-address-in-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:1inq9vp.3va3nv94upzpN%real-address-in-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CJ Dunnaway <cj_dunnaway-news@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I find myself missing the girl I almost married three decades ago and
wondering where she is now. I spent a couple hours searching the
internet for her, to no avail. I wonder what life would have been like
had I married that girl.
Is she happily married now or divorced? Does she have children? How
many? How old? Is she happy? Is she even alive?
I find myself thinking of her more often of late, and I don't think it's
It's unhealthy to think that you're thinking unhealthy thoughts. You're
going through a process called `living'. It's complicated.
Given what's going on right now, of *COURSE* you'll be thinking about
stuff like that. That's okay. Just make sure you don't wallow it in
too long. Give yourself some time to run through the thoughts - and
then, because it doesn't help to be churning over the past in your head
all the time, throw out those thoughts and get on with living your life
in the here&now.
I wouldn't go so far as to call it an obsession, but I can see
it starting to lean that way. I would like to speak to her just to find
out what she's up to these days; perhaps she is as lonely as I am.
You're fantasising and such fantasies never, ever match whatever reality
might bring no matter what. You know that. The girl and boy you each
where 30 years ago are 30 years in the past. You are both different
people now - with 30 years of `nothing in common'.
And you - you right now, at this minute - are certainly in exactly the
wrong state of mind to be getting in contact with this grown woman who
you still think of as the girl you knew 30 years ago (with an option on
thinking of yourself as what you were 30 years ago).
The clock cannot be turned back - the only way you can go is forward.
So stop thinking backward and start thinking forward. Turn your face in
the direction that you are travelling - it's the only sensible thing to
(and don't go thinking that there's not a girl from my past who I think
of in those terms. I, alas, have many regrets. On the other hand, I'm,
erm, not in your position of having just lost the love of my life, am
Better to have loved and lost? I suppose so.
Better to have loved and lost, then not loved at all?
*That* is the answer. And you know it.
I take it you are not a fan of chick-flicks? 'An Affair to Remember' starring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr? Of course it wasn't 30 years, but...
On a more serious note, this is a snippet from an article I found on the web...
People don't usually go looking for lost loves unless they are happy and secure within themselves. These are not desperate and lonely individuals who are afraid to form new attachments so instead they take the easy way out and refind an old flame. Quite the opposite. People search when they feel good, and that makes sense. Would you go to a school reunion, and let your old friends see you, if you were unemployed or depressed? No, we all want to put our best foot forward, -- especially if we want to win back someone who left us.
Usually it is the person who was initially left by the other, the "dumpee," who does the searching.
Perhaps the most surprising finding of all is that the second time around, these romances are very successful -- providing that both people are single, divorced or widowed. 72 % of the couples reported that they were still together at the time they filled out the questionnaire. And if the partners had been first loves, they were successful 78% of the time. Participants often describe their romances as "comfortable" and "familiar," but these words do not indicate a ho-hum attachment. Most of the couples reported that this lost and found love experience was the most emotional and sexual romance in all of their love history.
They are "soul mates," the couples said, and many believe that a "Higher Power" has brought them back together. Because of this, they believe they will never be separated again. This is not a fantasy. It is a love that was interrupted.
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