Re: Meet new people!
- From: of mice and monkfish <fonkmish@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:15:30 -0700 (PDT)
On 18 Jun, 20:06, "AlfyDoor" <AlfyD...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <benn...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in messagenews:6bs35aF3c0dduU1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"of mice and monkfish" <fonkm...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
There is a one-off joining fee of a couple of squid, and it's free to
search their database. I've done some looking around, and there are
so few people in my area that i'm inclined to think this is a
legitimate site - and thus, ironically, i'm not sure if it's worth
joining. Which is why i'm sure so many other upload phoney
But it's certainly something to look into, have a think about it.
There is no way in the world I would consider trying to arrange a
date/whatever this way.
Imagine the lady's crushing disappointment when she meets me in the flesh..
An exchange of emails to begin with will lay the groundwork for a real
life meeting. That way, she will have a chance to get to know what
you are like as a person, and will have an appreciation of the many
fine qualities you have.
There is a theory that, in such situations, the other person is going
to be so worried about how /they/ are coming across to /you/, that
they will really not paying that much attention to you.
No one is perfect, and there are patterns of thought in which an
individual sees only the bad things about him- or herself and places a
much greater emphasis on their importance than anyone else ever will -
while at the same time down-playing the significance of the same flaws
in others around him.
It could be argued that, if the only thing stopping you from trying is
fear of failure, then you have nothing to lose by trying. That is
certainly the notion that was put to me rather forcefully during my
CBT session this afternoon.
What can i say, except it's certainly a point of view, and i can see
what she was trying to say . . . BUT, i'm not sure to what extent i
agree with it when one is badly lacking in confidence and, moreover,
has a very limited support network in place should things not work
out. A suitable analogy might be a broken leg. It's already broken,
so what's the harm in breaking the cast off each morning and trying to
play football? Well, in actual fact, plenty!
You need a strong heart to withstand the bumps and bruises; it adds
structure to the personality in the same way bones give structure to
our limbs; it is the foundation upon which everything else is built.
Trying to get on with your life with a broken heart feels very much
like trying to walk on a broken leg.
But if you don't have confidence, you're going to find it extremely
difficult to get out there and try new things, and so you are
effectively cut-off from the new experiences you need in order to gain
more confidence. Lack of confidence is thus very often a self-
reinforcing cycle, one that is perhaps not as easy to break as the
clinical psychologists tend to believe.
There are no easy answers, so i'm not going to sit here and say, "You
should do this" or "You shouldn't do that", but i do want to present
some of the different ways of looking at things.