Re: My destiny will remain unknown
- From: real-address-in-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Rowland McDonnell)
- Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:43:14 +0000
Rikk <richards.post@xxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi all
Well I have given this a great deal of thought over the past few months, and
I have decided there is only one option open to me (well two actually, but I
wont mention the one as it's obvious)
Going off to live rough without your heart drugs isn't far off `that
other option', you know. But it's the brave person's way of doing it,
not the coward's way. Rispeck, dude.
I have no other alternative if I am to enjoy what little time I have left
other than to leave home. I don't mean move out into another home, I mean
just leave and wander and go where life takes me.
Life with my wife has long become intolerable, and I firmly believe that she
is the MAIN cause of my depression. Not entirely her fault perhaps, but all
in all if I wasn't with her I think my depression would not exist.
Could you not leave your wife some other way?
I have only stayed because of my two kids, although they are 23 and 19 now
so they will be fine I know.
I have set myself a deadline, that is to say I shall be leaving home on
Saturday April the 5th at about 8am.
Just after I turn 41 years old, that is.
I am taking the least amount with me that I can, I shall have my
mountaineering tent, sleeping-bag, stove,kettle,cup,plate,fork Hunting knife
and hand gun. (Fully licensed) plus 75 rounds of ammo.
Licensed handgun? In the UK? Really? What's the let-out for you,
then? (and do you really think you'd have a use for it?)
I have absolutely no idea where I shall go, all I know is, I have to go.
I shall live like a tramp, but not look like a trap if you know what I mean.
I'm not short of a few bob and have enough put by to last me for quite some
years if needed.
I do not intent to take ANY medication at all with me, and that includes my
medication for my heart disease.
That's up to you. But I've come across quite a few folk who have got on
well with living rough and found the life perfectly acceptable. You
might want to think about re-considering the bit about the drugs for the
heart disease.
On the other hand, I think I can see where you're coming from on this
and I've got an strong urge to say `Good on you'.
On the other other hand, what if you manage to find a way to live that's
bearable for you as a result of living rough? Be daft to put yourself
at death's door if you've also just found out how to have a worthwhile
life, wouldn't you say?
I simply am unable to face life anymore living like this, it is a living
hell.
I wish I was as brave as you.
I suppose it would be easier to just shoot my wife, I'd only get a jail
sentence and that cant be anywhere near as bad a life as the one I have now,
believe me, the thought has crossed my mind on many an occasion.
Nah, don't do that. Running away to sea would be more sensible. <heh>
Fly to Borneo, black yourself up, pretend to be a local sailor, get a
job on some tramp ship? (btw, that's a joke, mostly)
But I couldn't do that to my kids, so as I said my only option is for me to
go.
Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law, said some loony last
century.
And that's a good principle - especially when you take into account the
rest of what he said (ignored by most) which is all to do with the
`consequences of your actions'.
I'm not trying to persuade you to change your mind by hitting you with
any sort of guilt trip - but what's you vanishing to live rough going to
do to your kids?
I have changed my name on this particular post as a few of you have become
my friends I like to think, and I think it's better that you don't know who
I am exactly, although I expect one or two of you know already :-)
The way you're the one who posts with an advert for Polesoft Lockspam is
a bit of a giveaway.
It may seem a little odd for me to say "I shall be leaving in April" but
there are reasons for that. The main one being I intend to live out in the
country away from towns and the likes, and winter is not a good time for
survival as apposed to spring-time. Although it could easily be done, I may
as well wait till spring and the warmer nights, after all, after 23 years of
absolute HELL, another 8 weeks or so won't make much difference.
True enough.
I'm not bothered about "survival" as I am very well acquainted with it in my
former profession, as I had, shall we just say "elite training in Hereford"
Ah. THEM.
for nearly 15 years. Hence the licensed firearm.
And there was me thinking that no-one was permitted a personal handgun
in the UK. For the job, yes - otherwise? <shrug>
So there we have it, that is my intention and to be honest I am quite
looking forward to it.
Makes sense to me.
It shall be great to live free of any worries, no nagging, no moaning, just
me and nature co-existing as one, what more could one ask for, absolute
bliss.
Is this really the only thing you can do to change the patterns of your
life to get away from the hell?
I shall continue posting to the group and hope we can enjoy the friendships
I have become accustomed to.
Best regards
What can I say? You've made a decision, but you're not going to do
anything hasty. That's not a bad sign. Here's hoping you find some
peace of mind.
I'd say `good luck', but that seems wrong under the circumstances.
Rowland.
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