Re: Emptiness...

Mandy wrote:
Rhubarb <Rhubarb@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote in
news:5vbtdcF1lliflU1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:

Hello. I have a feeling that I'm worried about. Lately I've started to
feel very empty. It's a terrifying feeling that drives me to behave in
certain ways because I'm too afraid to face it. The only way I can lessen the emptiness is by eating and drinking. On a typical evening,
I will get in from work, and I will feel terrible emptiness. It's like
the feeling of being at a loose end but more powerful. I will pace
around the house, in a state of fear, not knowing what to do. Then, if
I have alcohol in, I will start to drink and the relief will be
instant, apart from a feeling of guilt that I get because I don't
really want to drink. After that, I will begin to binge on junkfood
and it's hard to believe how much I can eat, and for how long. It's
like I can't stop. Luckily I'm not the kind of person who gains much
weight but I get intense heartburn and nausea, and I feel physically
run down all of the time. I don't sleep very well. If I manage to
abstain from the eating and drinking, I will feel pulled tight like a
wire and sleep is the last thing I want to do. But if I do eat and
drink (or just eat), I will be unable to sleep because I will be
burning up from all the crap I have eaten.

And on it goes, day after day. It's true that I have no social life
and I spend most of my time in the house (I live alone), but it was
never like this before. Before, I used to get in and I felt relatively
content to do my own thing. But recently I have lost my balance and it
feels like my life is spiralling out of control.

My life feels like a nightmare and I don't know what to do.


Have you told your GP how you are feeling? Can you ask him/her for a referral to therapy or counselling? You don't have to keep on like this but you can't do it on your own either! :o/

Hello Mandy. I would feel embarrassed to explain all of that to my GP. And I wonder whether it would be taken seriously. I really don't know what to do except to stop the eating and the drinking, because at least I wouldn't feel like a freak. In theory it should be easy to stop drinking because I can stop altogether and it's simple, but the eating feels much harder. It's as if I do not know where the lines are any more between normal and abnormal eating, so I feel like I could quite easily go the other way and begin to under-eat as a way of being sure I was not over-eating.

I just feel a sense of panic, as if everything is out of control.
.

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