Re: Hello Again


"Rowland McDonnell" <real-address-in-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1hz717a.1njj9ds1chgk69N%real-address-in-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If it matters to you anything like as much as it matters to me, you have
my
sincere sympathy because it's a living hell. This is the real issue.

The point is that you get to choose how much it `matters' to you - or at
least, that's what I think that Mally's been trying to say.

You don't /have/ to live in hell just because you have a gaping hole in
your life, is the point.


Short of self-brainwashing to alter my perspective through psychotrophic
drugs or similar means I'm not sure what your suggestion is.

If we extend your logic here to other people, one could say that you
/choose/ to be upset by the lies surrounding war in Iraq.

Or that starving people choose to be unhappy about being starving rather
than viewing the situation in a positive, pro-ana light.

Or that people who feel irrational hatred towards someone because of their
race or sexuality are choosing to do so.

Personally, I'm unconvinced that we can choose our heartfelt emotions - for
they are the very essence of our being.


You chose that - you can choose the other path if you want to.

No, I didn't say it'd be easy to do so.


This sounds like a lot of the self-help books I read. Dating Gurus, NLP,
that sort of thing.

What they never say is *how* to change this state of mind. It's not as
simple as thinking 'rightyho, I'll start believing x instead of y from now
on'.

The only depressed person I've met who has achieved this did so through ECT,
and emerged from the experience a totally changed person - I would say a
hollow and artificial husk of a being, devoid of the feelings that defined
her.


I think that it's understandable for the have-nots to be angry and bitter
about these situations. If I was financially poor, and money mattered to
me,
I'd hate rich people. If I was blinded, and eyesight mattered to me, I'd
hate those who can see. That sort of thing.

I cannot understand any of that at all. What on Earth has happened to
you to make you so bitter and twisted?


My life.


I've been poor, but I've not hated rich people.


A lot of Marxists/Socialists do.

And although politically I'm not of that persuasion, I do understand the
hate.

In a sense, I'm an emotional Marxist - in that I think the distribution of
wealth is far less of a problem in our society than the distribution of
love.


If you genuinely like being happy for other people, you'd be pleased to
see
me get a confidence boost if I won, hmm?

But you wouldn't get any confidence boost under those circumstances,
would you?


If someone happened to say 'hmm, yeah, you're much better looking than the
other guy, wanna hang out with me?' then fairly obviously I would.

In some aspects of life (well, one aspect) my confidence is non-existent,
and that's based on years of rejection. In other areas, like the workplace,
and performing in public, and my social circle, the confidence levels are
relatively high.


I've seen your pic. All you need to do is stop scowling at the world
and sparkle a bit. Turn on the charm - you say you can. Well, do it.


What makes you think I don't? And why assume that if I do it will work?

This is dangerously close to the sort of 'pull yourself together' and 'go
out and meet people' sort of advice that is hugely unhelpful to anybody with
atypical depressive tendencies and negative life experiences.


I knew a chap much fatter and uglier in face than you[1] (when at
university). He got lucky one Christmas with a lass (slimmer, but not
that much) and ended up happier than I'd ever previously seen him. But
*that* chap didn't walk around scowling and filled with hatred.


Maybe if that hadn't happened to him at University, or in the following
decade, he might have started scowling hatefully at some stage?

I wasn't always like this, believe me. Emotionally I'm just the sum of my
reactions to my experiences.

BTN


.

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