Re: ping: Mazza


"Dawn" <dawn.sellick@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:8F1Jg.4$7D6.3@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
monkfish wrote:
<read with great interest and snipped>

Let us know how counselling goes.


Timmy

Thanks for the suggestions and support.

Any time - sorry to have gone on about my writing.

< snip >

I spent the first part of my counselling session talking about my dream:
basically, I was in prison, open visiting day, my father wasn't there, I
rang and told him, loudly he had to come.

Dreams fascinate me.

My opinion about yours?

The prison implies you are feeling trapped, cut-off. The open day is the
one break from the monotony of prison-life you get. But the fact that your
father doesn't show up suggests feelings of loneliness, abandonment.

And the phone-call? The word "call" has three meanings, i) to say something
in a /loud/ voice, especially in order to attract someone's attention; ii)
when people want or need a particular thing; iii) a demand for something to
happen.

The telephone conversation you have with your dad is quite literally a call
for help.


Also a make up demonstration, I did my own, ended up with a face not like
mine.

/Maybe/ this represents the underlying feeling that your attempts to make
yourself desirable to other people have a self-alienating effect.

That is to say, when you are done making yourself look nice for other
people, you no longer recognize yourself underneath all that make-up.

If these efforts to attract attention don't work, all that is left is the
double alienation of seperation from other people and this estrangement from
yourself.

Perhaps that is the worst sort of loneliness there is.

Again, this is only my opinion.


Apart from the prison, the aspect that scared me most was that I welcomed
my father more like a lover than a father.


Dreams have only symbolic meaning. That is why they always seem so bizarre
when one tries to explain what happens once the dream is over. Everything
in them is flux; liable to change at a moment's notice.

Rather than getting distraught over details, ask yourself who (or what)
might the figure of your father in your dream symbolize?


We discussed its implications, the theory that each part of a dream
represents part of you, so who was my father?


Starting from the premise outlined above that, in your dream, your father
has more of a symbolic than rather than representing the specific individual
of your father, perhaps a more useful question would be, "what might your
/reaction/ (in your dream) to this figure imply?"

One of these days i might write a post on here about the recurring nightmare
i've been having for the past few months. The other week i had it three or
four nights in a row.

I had a nightmare last night, but do not remember what happened. Then i
went back to sleep and promptly had another one.

That seems to be happening rather a lot these days.


Then I told her about the self-harm incident last week. She's very
concerned, and remembered that last time I did it, we'd been discussing me
and work, as we had been last week. I'm amazed at what she remembers. I
told her I felt I needed 3 hours rather than 50 minutes, and she said I
need to think about if this is the best support for me at the moment, she
could tell I needed more.

I feel I get tied up in a tight knot, trying to find a way forward.


It's not going to happen over night. Give it some time; cut yourself some
slack : )


GP tomorrow: wonder what that will bring?


I've stopped talking to my gp about anything other than my medication. He
means well and he really does want to help, but the idea of talking to him
about some of my 'real' problems is ridiculous.

The medical profession only seems to have 3 responses to mental health
problems: /more/ medication, /less/ medication, /different/ medication.

If you have a non-medication related problem, in my experience, you are on
your own.

If i'd told my doctor how depersonalized i've been feeling since i started
getting out the house regularly, he'd look at me, as the expression puts it,
"gone out".

IMHO, GPs just aren't trained to deal with anything other than the technical
aspects of mental illness that are themselves purely the invention of the
medical profession itself.


Be well

Timmy


Dawn


.

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