Re: Am I a crap dad?
- From: "High~Priestess" <mahzhah@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 8 May 2006 10:11:29 +0100
"Steve Pake" <steve@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:lBu7g.326$fS1.18@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Steve, sorry your going thru this mate :-(
We're divorcing. My wife thinks I should agree to have the two boys for
one set weekend a month and a set number of evenings. This would be put in
the court order.
Personally I think its wise to have 'regular' contact with your boys, after
going through a very nasty divorce it can be so unstable for any kids
involved. I would say thats a good idea. On the other hand she could be
refusing you access and you dont want to go down that road.
I say I want the boys to come and see me when they like and I'll tell them
if something good's happening and we can get together for that. I don't
like being told how often I should see the boys.
I would also say thats good too aswell as the 'regular' contact.
She says I'm an appalling father and why don't I want to see the boys
regularly? She says most divorced dads fight to see their kids as much as
possible.
Ah twisting your words already nice! Take no notice do whats best for your
boys, and dont bite at her accusations. I had to fight to get my ex to see
our kids regulary its equal on both sides some fathers dont 'appear' to care
not seeing their kids regulary, others fight tooth and nail.
The reality is that I will probably see them several times a month (I'm
moving a few miles away but am happy to come and get them and return
them). I hate idea of us sitting there in McDonald's because it's 'our
weekend'. I can't see that's great for them either. They're 12 and 14 and
have busy lives and lots of friends.
So very true, and your ex has to realise this, its not all about her. Both
your main concerns is the boys. Flexibility is needed! I still would
recommend getting a contact order in place as this could get nasty.
I accept that she wants to be able to plan a weekend's shagging in
advance. I also know she's furious that I won't be 100 yards away and able
to leap in and babysit whenever she wants me to.
This isnt about what she will or wont be doing when you have the boys. Your
divorcing.
We're still just about talking while the family home is being sold but
after that I don't intend to speak to her much or to enter her new house
or do anything practical like fixing the car. My divorce recovery group
says that's Rule One anyway. She divorced me because I have depression.
That kind of attitude is really going to help you know! So if the car needs
fixing and she needs to take one of the kids to an important appointment
your kids are going to suffer?
Oh ffs! rise above it! If thats the only reason she is divorcing you then
I'd say your better off finding someone who will love you and support you.
Also, she wants a maintenance payment of 5p a year to allow her to get
serious money off me if she can't (or won't) work and is hard up. I think
solicitors like this one but it sounds like an unlocked back door to me.
Clean break end of.
I'd appreciate anyone who's been through this sharing their opinions and
experience.
Dont diss the boys mother within earshot, dont bite, move on and enjoy a
good healthy regular relationship with your boys.
Am I a crap dad because I don't want them here every two days?
You are both entitled to have some time to yourselves including her, just
dont use the boys as weapons!
Should I go along with this 'return to maintenance if her job goes tits
up' clause? I'm as likely to be unable to work normally because of my
depression. We are otherwise agreed on a clean break.
Clean break!
Thank you.
Your Welcome :-)
.
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- Am I a crap dad?
- From: Steve Pake
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