Arnold Schwarzenegger (spoiler)

The urge to SH is, at times, quite overwhelming and, i must say, wholly
surprising.

If, as i once had, i had an established SH-ing routine in place at the
moment - i.e., a preferred implement and location - it would be all too easy
to succumb to the urge. As it is (and not for the first time in my life, i
might add), the inertia which is preventing me from moving forward in my
life seems to be the same thing preventing me from doing to myself some
serious damage.

The scene i've not been able to get out of my head for a week or so now is
the one in Terminator 2 in which, in order to prove that he really is a
cyborg from the future, Arnie takes a hunting knife, sticks it in his wrist,
slices open the whole length of his forearm, circles the knife at the elbow
joint and then rips all the skin off his arm in one go.

I would like to do that.

I would like to do that a lot.

Instead of doing it, i am writing about doing it. I hope that, by making
these marks on the page, i can resist the urge to make marks on my arms.

"If I cannot discover the alchemists' trick of turning even filth into
gold," wrote Nietzsche "I am lost."

Of course, i tend to do things the other way round. As Tony Soprano puts it
so eloquently, "I'm like King Midas in reverse. Everything i touch turns to
shit."

Although it's been almost ten years now since i last did it, i have to say,
at the moment, it feels not so much like a case of 'if' i pick up a blade
again but 'when'.

I suppose it could be worse. A couple of weeks ago i was wearing a hat.

I don't know. Maybe writing this is helping a little bit.

Maybe i'm wasting everyone's time.

Maybe this is a cry for help.

If it is - and even if it's not - thanks for listening.


monk


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Relevant Pages

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  • Re: The Tally-Ho! Theory of Language Origins
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