Re: what can i do

Please, please get yourself some help. I actually cried reading your
posting - in NO WAY am I an expert of any sort, but from my own
experiences it is so obvious to me that you are going through a
depression and you really need to get a grip on it. You are still so
young, you can STILL do what ever you want to do with your life, it
just feels like everything is so bad it will never get any better and
I'm sure you don't believe me or anybody else when they tell you
this...but it WILL get better if you start accepting it and learn how
to get through it. I know what it feels like to be in that hole, and I
know you don't feel like you will ever get out of it, but trust me, you
do. It takes time (don't you just hate when people tell you that? Well,
actually, its true, sorry!). And sometimes you slip back in, but once
you know theres a way out, you don't fall back in so deep, if that
makes sense? I thought once I was 'better' that would be it - nobody
ever explained to me that there are good days and there are bad days,
and life is just like that. Now, if I have the odd 'off day', I just
accept I'm having a bad day -and don't assume that tomorrow will be
crap as well! A metaphore that was told to me was that as long as you
are in the hole and you keep digging, you just make the hole bigger and
deeper and harder to get out of. At some point you've gotta put the
spade down and just stop digging and shout for some help! :0)

You are beating yourself up over what didn't happen, what could have
happened, what might have happened, what should have happened....these
are all negative, useless thoughts that we torture ourselves with every
hour of every day when we are not 'well'. How good things used to be,
how bad they are now. "Its just not fair" and "why did this happen to
me, I'm not a bad person" were a common theme for me too.

I can only urge you to start to help yourself - at the end of the day,
the only person who can make these feelings go away is you. There are
plenty of people out there who can help you and show you how to
'retrain' your thinking - but nobody has the miracle cure that we so
often expect. I remember I just "wanted to go back to how I used to be"
- wanted everything put right immediately, a quick fix - but there
isn't one. Like I said, it takes time, and a whole load of what I
thought at the time was american psycho-babble ***! I still think some
of it was, but different things work for different people, I guess!
Speak to your GP and see if he/she can arrange for you to start getting
some help - the thing that helped me immensely was group therapy
(something I NEVER thought I would EVER do!!) - after just the first
session I felt so much better - purely because I was so relieved to
meet other people of all ages, shapes and sizes who were going through
exactly the same *** as me for all sorts of different reasons....and
basically, I wasn't going mad - before that I REALLY thought I was
losing the plot!!

Do me a favour - re-read the message you posted. Read it rationally, as
if it was written by somebody else. Look at how negative he is about
himself, how he blames himself for everything and how he is just
accepting that he will never get any better. Then tell yourself you are
going to do something about it. If you really believe you are "a loser
for life", then you wouldn't be posting the message in the first place.
You recognise that at the moment you are suffering with depression by
seeking out a depression support group - see, you're stronger and
cleverer than you think!

Good luck with everything - and I really hope you are able to start
asking people to help you - you'll be amazed how understanding people
can be if you just take the time to talk to them :0)

L.M.T.
xxx

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