Re: Is it really possible to change? (spoiler)

(spoilered for mention of suicide)

"MonkFish" <fonkmish@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:42ed657f_3@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> (spoilered for mention of suicide)
>
>> snip
>
> Some say change is scary, but it's not just change, *hope* is scary. It's
> one of the scariest things there is, in fact.
>
> In one of my favourite psychology/philosophy books is the line:
>
> "There are sudden, apparently inexplicable suicides that must be
> understood as the dawn of a hope so horrible and harrowing that it is
> unendurable".
>
> I think this 'horror of hope' is something that more therapists need to be
> alive to so they can help their patients through it if they should start
> to make genuine progress.

Funny, I was just saying to someone today, I want the counselling/CBT to
help, but at the same time I'm trying not to hope. So I understand fear of
hope - being afraid in case you can't bear the loss if your hopes aren't
realised - is that what you mean?

> This has just occurred to me. It is only a suggestion, it may be of no
> use to you, and if it's not then don't worry about it, but it is quite
> common for people with social anxiety and those sort of people-phobia
> conditions to accept a "safe position" career-wise, and then pursue
> avocational interests in which the competitive element they find so
> off-putting in the workplace is more or less absent, and they are free to
> get on with it themselves, away from the glare of public scrutiny. This
> solution offers the perfect balance of long-term security and satisfied
> ambition.

I have been thinking exactly this myself! If after a year or so, I'm not
able to progress enough to be able to deal with work pressures in a healthy
way, this may be the route I will take.

> For example, just because I knew what answers the teachers at school
> wanted to hear, I was expected to make something of myself. If they could
> see me now, I know they would be very disappointed in me (no job, no
> girlfriend/wife, still living at home with my parents, for God's sake),

I can very much relate to that. I live not far from the school I attended,
and dread bumping into my old teachers, who expected such fantastic things
of me. At least I can use the excuse of house price inflation as the reason
I still live at home, and I pretend I'm far too busy with work to have time
for boyfriends.

> for the past few years I've been trying to write some books. They're not
> very good - I'm still learning, really, also I'm mental, of course, which
> doesn't really help matters - but it is the perfect outlet for me because
> there's no pressure and I get to stay indoors with my books all day.

Right now, that sounds like bliss to me. I know it isn't, it's probably not
the life you would choose, but I do so crave that safety. When I was at
school (an unrelentingly awful & lonely time) I had to force myself to leave
the house every morning. I used to look at the cat curled up safely by the
fire, and I would long to swap places. I've never really got over that
feeling of not wanting to go out into the cold harsh world.

> Moreover, it is a real intellectual challenge, much more so than the sorts
> of jobs someone with my non-existent work history could hope to get.
>
> If you have similar interests of your own - photography, model-making, old
> car restoration, tap-dancing, . . . - maybe they could provide the perfect
> outlet for your frustrated ambitions while you pursue a career-path you
> feel slightly more comfortable with.

Actually it would be writing for me too. I love words, I love reading and
being blown away by a writer's ability to capture and express indefinable
feelings and emotions. You know when you read something, and the recogntion
hits you - the articulation of something you've felt yourself but never
formed into words. I would love to be able to do that.

> What I forgot to say before is that I don't think you can make a go of it,
> I *know* it for a fact. There is no question in my mind that you can go
> forward from here to make positive strides, but like I said, it's got to
> be in your own time. You cannot rush these things.

I'm not quite so confident, but I can only try.

> Good luck!!
>
> Peace.

Back at you :-)

Snuggles


.

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