Nay Fer Sewer!

Nay fer sewer!" sed Betty Longtongue, as Sally Jibjab had finished
tellin her 'at one o' th' neighbor's husband's had getten turned off.
"Well, awm capt he didn't get seck'd long sin, for they tell me he wor
niver liked amang th' work fowk, an' awm sure aw've seen him go in to
his wark monny a time a full clock haar after awr lot's had to be thear.
But aw thawt he'd find his level at last, an' awm net oft mistakken, far
aw can see a hoil in a stee as weel as th' maaast."

"Why but it has'nt been owt abaat his wark 'at he's been seck'd for, but
him an' two or three moor have been playin a trick o' Jane Sucksmith's
husband, an' its getten to th' maister's ears, an' soa they seck'd him
thear an' then."

"Nay fer sewer! whatever will ta say! Why what has he been dooin? Same
mak o' pousement aw'll be bun for't."

"Well, aw can nobbut tell th' tale as it wor tell'd to me tha knows; but
her 'at tell'd me, had it tell'd bi somdy 'at had heeard it throo one
'at owt to know, soa its true enuff. It seems old Sucksmith had been
drinkin tother day, an' he must ha getten moor nor he could carry, an'
tha knows as weel as me 'at he can sup moor nor what ud mak some fowk
druffen, an' walk as steady as if he'd swallow'd a church, steeple an'
all; an' he ligg'd him daan o' some sheets o' wool 'at wor bi th' rooad
side, an' as Musty wor goain past he saw him, an' soa he thowt he'd have
a marlock, an' he went an' fun up some ov his chums an' they gate sooit
an' daub'd his face wol he luk'd war nor old Scrat hissen."

"Nay fer sewer! Why they mud easily do that aw believe, for he's nooan a
gooid favvor'd chap at th' best hand."

"Noa he isn't, but they worn't content wi' that but Musty went an' gate
some sooart o' paader 'at they use to dye red worset an' sich like stuff
wi', an he tuk off his cap an' sprinkled it all amang his toppin, an
then they left him, an' in a bit he wakken'd up, for all th' childer ith
district wor gethered raand him, starin at him. Just then Musty, 'at had
been waiting abaat, reckoned to come past in a great hurry, an' as sooin
as he saw Sucksmith, he set up a gurt shaat o' laffin, an says,
"Whativer has ta been doain, aw niver saw sich a freet i' mi life."
Sucksmith wor reight gaumless for a while, but he says, "What is ther to
laff at? Did ta niver see me befoor thinks ta?" "Well aw niver saw thi
luk like that affoar onnyway. Whoiver is it 'at's been playin thee this
trick?"

"What trick does ta meean?" he sed.

"Why doesn't ta know at thi face is all daubed wi sooit?"

Sucksmith put up his hand to feel, an' when he saw his fingers all
grimed, he sed, "Aw wish aw knew who'd done this, Musty; awd be straight
wi' him, an sooin too. To think 'at a chap connot fall asleep in a
Kristine country withaat havin his face painted war nor a paysayger, but
awst find it aght someday."

"Well, aw think its th' best plan to goa wi' me to th' "Blue Dunnock,"
sed Musty, an' gie thisen a gooid wesh."

Soa they went an' all Musty's mates wor set waitin in another raam.

Th' landlady wor varry gooid i' findin him some sooap an' watter, o'th'
sinkstooan, an' he started to give hissen a reight gooid swill, an as
sooin as th' watter gate to this stuff 'at they'd put ov his heead, it
began to roll daan th' color o' blooid, an' as sooin as he oppen'd his
e'en he saw it, an' he thowt at first it must be his nooas 'at wor
bleedin, an' as th' landlady worn't abaat, he blew his nooase oth towel
to see, but it worn't, then he put up his hand to his heead an' thear it
wor sure enuff. He ommost fell sick when he saw it, an' he called for
Musty as laad as he could, to see what wor to do. "Whativer's th' matter
wi me thinks ta, Musty? Just Iuk, awm bleedin like a pig."

"A'a, dear, A'a dear! Why tha must ha brokken a blooid vessel."

"Aw think awve brokken two or three," sed Sucksmith "but what mun aw
do?"

"Sewse thi heead wi cold watter; ther's nowt stops bleedin like cold
watter. Why, if tha gooas on tha'll bleed to th' deeath."

"Aw begin to feel faint already," sed Sucksmith, as he started o'
throwin moor watter on his heead; but th' moor he put on an' th' moor
blooid seemed to come, an' he sed, "Oh, dear! aw believe awm done for
this time, Musty; doesn't ta think tha'd better send for a doctor?"

When he lifted up his heead, Musty wor foorced to turn away for a minit
to get a straight face, for Sucksmith's wor dyed th' color ov a raw beef
steak, an' his heead luk'd like one o' them red door mats 'at tha's
seen. But Musty advised him to goa on wi' th' watter, an' he did, an' in
a while it begun to have less colour in it, an' Sucksmith's mind began
to feel a bit easier.

"Aw think its ommost gien ovver nah," he sed, but luk at mi hands! why
they're like a piece o' scarlet cloath."

"Eea, an thi face is th' same; tha luks to me as if tha'd getten th'
scarlet-fayvor, an' awm sure ther's summat nooan reight wi' thi; but
wipe thisen an' come into tother hoil, ther's some o' thi mates thear,
an' we'll see what they say."

Sucksmith did as he wor tell'd, an' went into tother raam with Musty,
but ther wor sich a crack o' laffin as sooin as he showed his heead, wol
they mud ha fell'd him wi' a bean. "Nah lads," sed Musty, "yo shouldn't
laff at a chap's misfortunes, an' awm sure ther's Summat matter wi awr
friend Sucksmith, aw tell him it must be th' scarlet fayvor.'

"Well aw niver saw sich a heead i' mi life," sed another, "but its nooan
th' scarlet fayvor; my belief is its th' cattle plague, an if it is,
an' th' police gets to know they'll have him shot, bi th' heart will
they, for they've orders to destroy ivery livin thing 'at shows ony
signs o' havin it. But whear has ta been to get it thinks ta?"

"Nay, awve been nowhere 'at aw know on," sed Sucksmith, "aw felt all
reight a bit sin, an' aw ligg'd daan o' some sheets o' wool an' fell
asleep, an' aw niver knew aw ail'd owt wol aw coom in here to wesh me."

"Why then it will be th' cattle plague, its nowt else, ther's a deal o'
sheep had it lately; an' varry likely that's some o' ther wool 'at tha's
been sleepin on. But ha does ta feel?"

"Oh, aw feel varry mich alike all ovver,--awm feeared its up we me
ommost, an' this has come for a warnin, for aw havn't behaved misen
reight latly. But if awm spared to get ovver this awl alter."

"Why tha luks as if tha'd awther getten a warnin or a warmin, bith color
o' thi face," sed one, "but aw think tha'd do wi' a glass o' summat to
cooil thi daan a bit,--a red Indian's a fooil to thi."

"It must be summat serious," sed another, "are ta th' same color all
ovver?"

"Aw dooant know awm sure, an'. aw havn't strength to luk," he sed.

But one o'th' chaps roll'd up his briches slop to see; "Nay, thi leg is
all reight." "Well," sed Musty, "tha knows it may be soa, for we've
heeard tell o' th' fooit and maath desease, an' this may be th' heead
an' hand complaint. But what do yo think it'll be th' best for him to
do?"

"I shuild advise him to goa hooam at once, but if ony body should see
him they'll varry likely tak him for a literary chap becoss he's so
deeply red." "Well, whether they tak him for a little-hairy chap or
net, he'll pass for a red hairy chap an' noa mistak," sed Hiram.

But Sucksmith fancied he felt soa waik wol he didn't think he'd be able
to walk hooam, soa after all biddin him "gooid bye," for fear they mud
niver see him agean an one chap axin him to be sure an' tell his first
wife if he met her up aboon, 'at he'd getten wed to her sister, they
sent him hooam in a cab.

"Nay fer sewer! Whativer wi ta say? An' whativer did their Margit say
when shoo saw him? He must ha luk'd a pictur."

"Nay, aw dooant know what shoo sed, but ther wor a rare racket ith' hoil
awl a-warrant thi. But th' gurt softheead stuck in it, 'at he wor
poorly, an' as shoo saw he wornt sober shoo humoured him wi lettin him
goa to bed. Next mornin he'd come to his senses a bit, soa shoo let him
have sich a bit o' tongue as he hadn't had latly, for tha knows shoo's a
glaid when shoo starts, for if awd to say quarter as mich to my felly as
shoo says to him sometimes, he'd niver darken th' door agean. He began
to see what a fooil they'd been makkin on him, an' he gate up intendin
to goa to his wark, but when he saw hissen ith' seamin glass, he
couldn't fashion, an' soa he began o' weshin hissen first i' cold watter
an' then i' hot; but it wor what they call a fast color, an' he couldn't
get it to stir do what he wod.

"What mun aw do, Margit?" he sed, when he'd swill'd his heead wi' hot
watter wol it wor hauf boiled; "th' moor aw wesh it an' th' breeter it
seems to get. If iver aw get all reight agean ther's somdy'll want a new
suit o' clooas, but it'll be a wooden en."

"Hold thi noise, lumpheead," shoo sed, "an' get thi braikfast an awl see
if aw connot do summat for thi. Aw expect it'll have to be scaar'd off."

Soa after th' braikfast shoo made him ligg daan o' th' hearthstooan, an'
shoo gate some wire scale an' started o' scrubbin one side ov his head,
as if shoo'd been polishin th' fender; but he couldn't stand that, an'
he laup'd up, an' donced up an' daan th' hoil, sayin all sooarts o'
awkward things.

"What the dickens are ta thinkin on," he sed, "does ta fancy awm made o'
cast-iron?"

"Aw dooan't know what tha'rt made on, but aw know tha artn't made o'th'
reight sooart o' stuff for a fayther ov a family to be made on; but if
tha connot get it off thisen, an' tha weant let me, tha'll be forced to
stop as tha art, that's all." An' away shoo flew aat o' th' haase and
left him.

"Nay fer sewer! An' whativer did he do?"

Well, he set daan and studied a bit, then he sent for a doctor, net
becoss he felt poorly, but becoss he wanted to know what to do to get it
off. Soa th' doctor coom, an' they say he couldn't spaik for iver soa
long, for laffin at him; an' he tell'd him he'd be monny a week befoor
he gate reight, an' it wod have to wear off by degrees; but his hair, he
sed, wod niver be reight, soa he mud as weel have it shaved off sooin as
lat. Soa he sent for Timmy, th' barber, an' had it done, an' when his
wife coom back, thear he wor set, lukkin for all th' world like a lot o'
old clooas wi' a ball o' red seealin wax stuck at th' top; an' thear he
is i'th' haase nah, whear he'll ha to stop wol his hair grows agean.

"Nay fer sewer! An does he niver goa aat?"

"Niver,--he did goa to th' door one day when Hiram's little lass went to
borrow th' looaf tins, but shoo wor soa freetened, wol shoo ran hooam,
an' her mother says shoo believes shoo's gooin to have soor een; mun,
he's flaysome to luk at, an' th' child has niver been like hersen sin,
an' shoo connot sleep ov a neet for dreamin abaat it."

"Nay fer sewer! An what says Musty?"

"Awve niver heeard what he's sed sin he lost his shop, but Sucksmith
says he's noan gooin to let it rest, for he'll send 'em some law if it
costs him a paand--An' Musty says he doesn't care ha sooin for he wod be
sure ov a bit o' summat to ait if he wor sent daan th' rails--but aw
think it'll get made up agean. But awve left yond child ith' creddle bi
hersen, soa aw mun be off." Away shoo went an' Sally watched her aat
o'th seet, an' then sank into a cheer, roll'd up her arms in her appron,
stared into th' fire, an' sed, "Nay fer sewer! Well ov all!--Nay fer
sewer!"

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