Awr Emma--A False Alarm.
- From: Tez Clayton-Swift <scum@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:43:30 +0100
"Aw dooan't know what tha thinks abaat it, Isaac, but aw know ther's
summat nooan reight. Aw went to see awr Emma last neet, an' shoo doesn't
luk a bit like hersen: an' if shoo hadn't been rooarin' awl nivver trust
mi een agean. It's some sooart o' bother shoo's havin' wi' yond felly o'
hers, depend on't. Aw warned her enuff befoar shoo gate wed, an' tawk'd
to her wol aw wor fair stall'd, but nowt 'ud do but shoo mud have him,
an' if shoo hasn't getten her hands full aw'm capt."
"Why, lass, aw dooan't know what reason tha has for sayin' soa, for aw'm
sewer they seem varry comfortable together, an' aw've nivver heeard her
say a word agean him, an' he seems as steady as old gold. Shoo wor
happen low spirited last neet, or had a bit o' th' heead wark."
"Tha needn't try to lap it up; aw can guess eggs when aw see shells, an'
aw know as well as if shoo'd tell'd me wi' her own lips 'at ther's
summat at's nooan reight. Shoo's far too gooid for him, an' aw all us
sed soa, an' if shoo'd ha' ta'en my advice shoo'd ha' waited wol shoo'd
met wi' som'dy fitter for her. But shoo's thy temper to nowt, an' if
shoo sets her mind on a thing, it's noa moor use tawkin' to her nor
spittin' aght. Aw'm nooan soa mich up o' theas chaps 'at's as steady as
old gold: they're varry oft moor decaitful bi th' hauf, an' when aw come
to think on it, aw remember he didn't behave just as aw could ha' liked
him if he'd just been wed to me, th' first day they wor wed, for he'd
hardly a word to say to awr Emma at dinner time, but he could gabble
fast enuff to that lass o' Amos's, an' if shoo wor a child o' mine aw'd
awther tak' some o' that consait aght on her or else aw'd tak' th' skin
off her back."
"Tha'rt too perticlar bi hauf. Tha allus luks at th' black side o'
ivverything. Tha may depend on't awr Emma knows what shoo's dooin', an'
tha'd far better leave 'em to feight it aght thersen if ther's owt
wrang, for tha knows it nivver does to interfere between man an' wife,
tha tell'd me that monny a year sin' when mi mother sed a word to thee."
"Eea, but that wor a varry different matter, for thi mother knew tha'd
getten a wife wi' a deeal moor sense nor thee, an' a deeal moor feelin'
too, for aw believe tha cares noa moor for yond lass o' thine nor if
shoo wor nowt related to thi': but aw'm different, an' if that
gooid-fer-nowt 'at shoo's thrown hersen away on, doesn't treat her as he
owt to do, aw'l mak this taan too hot for him, or my' name isn't
Angelina!"
"Why, lass, tha can do as tha likes, but aw think tha'll find it best to
let 'em manage ther own affairs, an' aw dooan't suppooas awr Emma 'll
get throo this life withaat a bit o' trubble nah an' then same as other
fowk. Aw'm sewer aw connot; an' shoo's noa better nor me."
"Isn't shoo? But if aw thowt shoo worn't, aw'd nivver own her as one o'
mine! But aw'd like to know what trubble tha's ivver had except what
tha's browt o' thisen wi' thi own contraryness an' fooilishness? If
ivver ther wor a chap 'at went throo' this world wi' silver slippers
it's thee, for tha's ivverything done to thi hand, an' aw've been a
slave to thee ever sin aw gat thee, an' nivver had ony thanks for it
nawther; but aw dooan't want awr Emma to be trampled into th' earth as
aw've been, an' shoo shalln't be, if aw know on it, for aw'l fotch her
back hooam an' sharply too."
"Aw tell thi tha can do just as tha's a mind, an' aw'm sewer aw didn't
know tha had been trampled on, for tha's been booath maister and
mistress i' this shop ivver sin aw knew thi."
"Eea an' aw meean to be booath maister an' mistress, an' if tha'd a
heart i' thi belly as big as a beean tha wodn't sit daan quietly as tha
does, when tha hears 'at one o' thi own flesh an' blooid is pining
away."
"Aw didn't know shoo wor pining away, for aw'm sewwer shoo's gettin' as
fat as a pig, an' aw think it'll be time enuff to interfere when shoo
grummels hersen."
"Tha tawks like a fooil, Isaac, an' aw've tell'd thi so over an' over
agean. Tha knows shoo isn't like thee, at cries aght befoar tha'rt hurt,
but aw'l waste noa moor wind o' thee for aw'l put on mi bonnet an' shawl
an' goa up to their haase this minit, an' see if aw can't find aght
what's to do, an' try to put things into a reight shap'." Soa shoo put
on her things an' leavin' Isaac to luk after th' stew 'at wor i' th'
oven, shoo sailed off in a famous flurry to have a tawk wi' Emma. It
wor'nt monny minits walk, an' as shoo put th' speed on shoo managed to
get thear befoar her temper cooiled, an' oppenin' th' door shoo stept in
an' sed, "Nah, Emma, lass, aw've come to see ha' tha art this mornin'?"
"Aw'm first rate, mother," sed Emma, "Aw'm rare an' glad to see yo', but
what's browt yo' here this mornin'?"
"Aw know tha artn't furst rate, an' it's noa use thee tellin' me 'at tha
art, for aw've com'd here to know th' truth, an' aw'm detarmined tha
shall tell me, for aw've hardly been able to sleep a wink sin aw wor
here last neet, an' aw've been tawkin' to thi father this mornin', but
one mud just as well whistle jigs to a mile-stoop an' expect it to dance
as tawk to him an' expect to get ony sense aght on him, but aw want to
know what bother tha's been havin' wi' that felly o' thine an' what he'd
been dooin' to thi 'at made thee soa sorrowful last neet? Nah, dooan't
goa raand th' corners, but come straight to th' point. Aw've nooan been
wed all theas years but what aw know what poor wives have to put up wi'.
Has he been drinkin'?"
"Nay, mother, yo' munnot tawk like that, for aw'm sewer ther' wor nivver
a better man tied to a woman nor my Bob, an' yo' know he's a
teetotaller, soa ther's noa fear on him gooin' on th' spree."
"Aw'm nooan soa sewer abaat that, an' if he doesn't drink he varry
likely does war. Mun, aw know what men are, an' tha has it to leearn
yet. Tha'n screen him all tha can, aw know that, just same as aw have to
do thi father, but tha connot deceive me, aw've lived to' long to be
easily chaited."
"Aw dooan't want to chait yo', mother, an' aw've nought to screen Bob
for, for aw dooan't know 'at he's a fault, unless it is his thinkin' soa
mich o' me."
"A'a, poor fooilish 'child! He thinks nooan too mich o' thee, net he
marry! He doesn't think hauf enuff, or else he'd nooan goa on as he
does! Aw tak' noa noatice o' ther coaxin' an' fondlin'; it's all
mak'-believe, an' as long as they can manage to get all they want for a
soft word or two they'll give yo' plenty on 'em, but aw know' em, an'
they can't come ovver me. Ther' isn't a pin to choose amang th' best on
'em, for they're all as full o' decait as an egg's full o' mait. But aw
want to know what wor th' reason tha wor lukkin' soa cut-up and
daan-trodden last neet?"
"Why, mother, you're altogether wrang this time. Aw wor raythur low
spirited last neet, but it's nowt yo' can blame him for, for aw'm sewer
he works hard ivvery day, an' if he doesn't haddle as mich as he did
it's noa fault o' his. An' this last two or three wicks his wage has
been less bi five shillin' nor it used to be, an' at th' price o' mait
an' stuff nah, it's hard wark to mak' ends meet, an' what aw wor
trubbled abaat last neet wor becoss aw'd nowt to set him for his supper
except a basin o' porrige, an' that isn't mich for a chap 'at's been
tewin' all th' day, tho' he nivver says a wrang word what ther' is."
"An' what should he grummel for, aw'st like to know? Bless mi life if he
had to goa withaat for a time or two what bi that? Ther's better fowk
nor him had to goa baaht supper befoor to-day! He gets as gooid stuff as
thee, an' better too, aw'l be bun' for't! But aw should like to know ha'
it is 'at his wage is five shillin' a wick less nor it wor, for aw've
heeard nowt abaat ony on 'em bein' bated, an' aw should ha' done if they
had, for ther's two or three lives i' awr street 'at works at th' same
shop, an' they'd ha' been safe to tell me. But what does he say abaat
it?"
"He's nivver sed nowt, an' aw've nivver ax'd him, for he allus gives me
all he has ov a Friday neet, an' aw mak' it do as weel as aw can."
"Raillee! Emma! aw think tha gets less wit ivvery day! Ha' can ta' tell
what he's dooin' wi that five shillin' a wick if tha nivver axes him?
But tha mun ax him! It's thi duty! Depend on't he's spendin' it i' some
way 'at's nooan too gooid, or else he'd let thee know. But it's thy
affair, net mine; aw've nowt to do wi' it, an' aw've net com'd to
interfere; but aw should like to know if tha's seen Amos's dowter
lately?"
"Shoo wor here this mornin' befoor yo' coom. Shoo luks in for a minit or
two nab an' then."
"Oh! Has ta' noaticed whether shoo's getten owt new latly?"
"Eea, shoo'd a new bonnet on this mornin', an' varry weel shoo luk't in
it!"
"Aw wonder whear shoo gets her new bonnets an' stuff, it's cappin' to
me, but aw've a nooashun shoo doesn't buy 'em wi' her own brass. Let's
see. Bob used to lodge wi' Amos befoor yo' gate wed, didn't he?"
"Eea, they thowt as mich on him as one o' ther own, an aw know nowt
abaat whose brass shoo buys her things wi', but aw nivver heeard 'at
shoo wor i' debt for owt, an' aw can't see' at we've owt to do wi' it."
"N'oa, an' tha can see nowt! But ther' is 'at can see if tha cannot, but
as tha says it's nowt to us; but if aw wor a wife aw should want to know
whear my husband tuk his five shillin' a wick."
"Ther's mi father commin', he's seekin' yo' aw expect."
"Aw'l be bun' for't! If aw stir off th' doorstun he's after me! What's
browt thee here?"
"Th' childer's come hooam to ther dinner an' they're all waitin'."
"Couldn't ta tell' em to get that stew aght o' th' oven?"
"Aw know nowt abaat th' stew."
"Hasn't ta stirred it up an' put some moor watter in as aw tell'd thi?"
"Aw nivver heeard thi say nowt abaat it."
"A'a tha art a lumpheead if ivver ther' wor one i' this world! Why,
it'll be burnt as dry as a chip! Aw mun be off! Gooid mornin', lass, an'
see' at tha taks care o' thisen whativver comes o' other fowk, an' when
aw've a bit moor time aw'l slip up to comfort thee a bit agean. Tha's
noa need to come for ony dinner, Isaac, for ther'll be nooan for thi."
"All reight lass, aw'm nooan langin', for aw gate that bit o' pie 'at
wor i'th' cubbord."
"An' tha'd ha' etten th' cubbord too, if it had been pie! Come stir
thi!"
Chapter II.
A few wicks passed by, an' Angelina couldn't find aght what became ov
her son-i'-law's five shillin's, an' tho' shoo kept een an' ears wide
oppen to catch a whisper agean him, shoo saw, nor heeard newt. But her
mind wor ill at ease, for shoo'd managed to convince hersen 'at ther wor
summat nooan reight, an' becoss shoo couldn't find owt shoo put it daan
to his decait, an' shoo generally finished up wi' sayin' 'at her dowter
wor a fooil an' Bob wor a deep 'en. At last th' mystery had to be
unveiled an' her mind set at rest.
One neet a little lass knock'd at th' door, an' sed 'at Emma had sent
her to tell her an' Isaac to go a to see her as sooin as ivver they
could.
"Nah then! What did aw tell thi? It's come at last, an' aw knew it wad I
But if he's raised a finger o' his to hurt a hair ov her heead aw'l
fotch law on him if aw have to sell up dish an' spooin! put this
stickin' plaister i' thi pocket, an' theas cammomile flaars, an' poppy
heeads, an' let's be off this minit!"
"What's th' stickin' plaister an' all this stuff for?". sed Isaac.
"Tha'll see what it's for sooin enuff! A'a, aw wish sometimes aw'd
flivver been born! It's a bonny come off to bring childer into th' world
an' keep' em an' luk after' em till they grow up to be treated war nor
dogs!"
Isaac shov'd th' stuff into his pockets an' wor off after her as sooin
as he could, for shoo'd stirred him up a bit, an' he gript his walkin'
stick an' pooled his hat ovver his een as mich as to say he thowt it
high time to let fowk know what they wor abaat. As sooin as they gate
i'th' seet o'th' haase he sed, "Ther's noa fowk abaat that's one
blessin'; if ther's been a row they must ha' been varry quite abaat it."
"Shoo'd niver utter a word if shoo wor to be riven i' bits, shoo's too
mich like me for that, A'a, aw little thowt aw should ivver have to come
o' sich o' eearand as this!"
They didn't stop to knock, but oppen'd th' door, an' thear they saw Bob
an' Emma sittin' at th' teah-table lukkin' as cheerful an' as happy as
could be.
"Come in, booath on yo'," sed Emma, "Yo'r just i' time for a cup o'
teah. We didn't expect yo' quite as sooin, but yo'r allus welcome."
"Why yond lass tha sent coom wi' sich a tale wol we wor sewer ther' munt
be summat serious to do, an' we started off withaat wastin' a minit."
"Aw'm glad yo've com'd," sed Bob, "We've getten summat to show yo', but
yo' mun have a cup o' teah furst."
"What have aw to do wi' all this stickin' plaister an' stuff?" sed
Isaac.
"Can't ta keep it i' thi pocket an' say nowt apaat it, softheead! Tha
wants a piece on it across thi macth."
"Whativver made yo' bring stickin' plaister, mother, yo' sewerly didn't
think ther'd been ony feightin'?"
"Does fowk nivver want ony stickin' plaister nobbut when they've been
feightin'? Ha could aw tell but what one o' yo' had tummel'd onto th'
foire, or getten scalded or summat? Thi father browt it, it wor nooan o'
me."
"Eea, aw browt it, but--"
"But--Tha can hold thi noise an' tak' it back, for if ther'd been ony
use for it tha'd ha' been sewer to ha' forgetten it. But let's
see what this thing is 'at tha's sent for us to luk at, for aw can get
noa drinkin' unless aw know what it is."
"Well, come yo're ways into this raam," sed Emma, "Here it is, an' tell
me what yo' think on it."
"Why aw'l be shot if it isn't a sewin' machine! An' a grand en it is;
but ha' mich have yo' to give for it?"
"Ther's nowt to give for it, becoss it's all paid for. Bob's bowt it me
aght o'th' brass he's been savin'."
"Then that's whear his five shillin' a wick has been gooin'?"
"Eea, an' moor nor that, for he'd getten a raise of hauf a craan, an' he
nivver tell'd me, becoss he wanted to buy this for mi birthday."
"What did aw tell thi, Emma? Didn't aw say 'at tha could trust Bob? They
can't deceive me. Aw can tell a straightforrad chap as sooin as aw see
him."
"Nah, tha sees Angelina," sed Isaac, "Things isn't just as black as tha
thowt they wor, an' aw tell'd thi--"
"Tha tell'd me nowt, an' aw dooan't want thi to tell me owt; goa sit thi
daan to thi drinkin' an' let thi mait stop thi maath.'"
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