Re: Merely words (was Re: Agenda for Jigme's next return)



On Dec 29, 9:07 pm, "DharmaTroll" <dharmatr...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:



Merciful snippage....


DT> Well I have a problem with all this crap. What an annoying thread.


AMEN! Me too, DT!



Of course evangelists are nutcases, and of course we should respect
them and help them if we can and of course when they become annoying
and obsessive, which is most of the time, we have to deal with them
skillfully. But as for "invite them into your life and sit down and
talk with them"? That's nutz, just plain masochistic. Now P.K.,
Robert, and Evelyn, sit back and let the DharmaTroll tell you how to
handle these hucksters.

So, I'm at my sister's, and two "men in black" come a knockin' at the
door. They turn out to be Jehovah's Witnesses. Was I rude to them?
No. Did I invite them in for tea and listen to their endless blather
and propaganda? Hell no. I did listen for about a minute. And then
one of them babbled something about an angel telling someone something,
and that was my cue. Did I give them some dissertation on physicalism?
Nope. Not that either. So how did the totally awesome Earl of
Enlightenment, the King of Karma, the Duke of Dukkha, handle this
situation? And yes, this is a true story -- I really did this in the
real, physical world.

I came over the top with a big re-raise. I said, "Oh my God, don't you
realize -- they're USING you!!!"

The Jehovah's Witnesses looked confused and one said, "what?"

"The Vorlons! They're using you! Don't you realize that they've
manipulated us, even tampered with our genes centuries ago so that when
we see them we see our own archtypal symbols and see this Angel or
whomever? That's actually a Vorlon!"

"What on Earth are you talking about?", one asked.

"Not on Earth. Out there!" I pointed up to the sky. "They're using
you in their ancient war against the Shadows. We younger races are
pawns in the war between the Vorlons and the Shadows. We have to stop
them. We have to claim the galaxy for the younger races. This is the
dawn of the Third Age. It's time that the younger races fend for
themselves. We have to stop the Vorlons and the Shadows from screwing
with us, dammit!"

They started in again about God. I came back over the top yet again.
"Don't you realize that your angels, and the devas in Buddhism, and
Gabriel that dictated the Koran to Mohammed, they were probably all the
very same Vorlon? We see our own unconscious symbolic archetypes when
a Vorlon takes off their encounter suit. Don't you get it? They're
just advance creatures, only millions of years more evolved than we.
That's how they convince us that they're angels or gods. But they've
been playing us all this time. They aren't what they want us to think
they are."

Both Jehovah's Witnesses had now slowly taken two or three steps
backwards. Now one handed me his pamplet and said, "um, we have to
go." As they walked up to the next door neighbor's house, I came out
and followed them, shouting.

"Where are you going? Don't you understand? The fate of Earth depends
on our sticking together and standing up to the Ancient Races." A
couple neighbors watched as I followed them and just put the sci-fi
talk into overdrive. Which was so easy and natural, as I was babbling
about my favorite totally awesome television show.

While I was still ranting about the Vorlons and the Shadows, yelling
after them and waving my arms about in excitement, "we can end this,
not just for now, not just for the next thousand years, but FOREVER,"
the Jehovah's Witnesses got into their car, and sped off. Two of the
neighbors then clapped, and one even said, "way to go, DUDE!"

Now THAT's how to deal with fundamentalists. Game Over!

--My Divine Grace Yabba Dabba Dukkha Dharmakaya Trollpa


You Da MAN, DT. LOL! Excellent! Have you ever heard this one?
Read on and laugh.

****Kiss Hanks Ass*****

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I
found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would
I want to kiss his ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars; and if
you don't, he'll kick the *** out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank
owns this town. He can do what ever he wants, and what he wants is to
give you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million
dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh, yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has he given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well, no, you don't actually get the money until you leave
town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the
money, and he kicks the *** out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the
million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year,
and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think he'll actually give you the money if
you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll
get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a
twenty dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And
remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the *** of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight
from him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss his ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other
times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing
Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank,
that Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl's got a letter Hank sent him years ago explaining
the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on From the desk of
Karl letterhead. There were eleven items listed:

1.Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you
leave town.
2.Use alcohol in moderation.
3.Kick the *** out of people who aren't like you.
4.Eat right.
5.Hank dictated this list himself.
6.The moon is made of green cheese.
7.Everything Hank says is right.
8.Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9.Don't drink.
10.Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11.Kiss Hank's ass or he'll kick the *** out of you.

Me: "This would appear to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's
handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago he would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of
philanthropist kicks the *** out of people just because they're
different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says, 'Everything Hanks says is right.' That's good
enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says, 'Hank dictated this list himself.'
Besides, item 2 says, 'Use alcohol in moderation,' item 4 says, 'Eat
right,' and item 8 says, 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.'
Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says, 'Don't Drink,' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and
6 says, 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2.
As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for
sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of
rock...."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out
of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the moon
came from the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where
the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we
know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 5 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the
list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated
it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than
saying, 'Hank's right because he says he's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come
around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But.... oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary blushes. John says: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's
way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary looks positively stricken. John shouts: "There's no need for such
language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it
would be out of the question?"

Mary sticks her fingers in her ears: "I am not listening to this. La la
la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat
that...."


Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary faints. John catches her: "Well, if I'd known you were one of
those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the *** out of
you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass
for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.


********

Best Regards,
Evelyn

.