Re: Prophet Isa(Alaih Assalaam)

mosa_1952@xxxxxxxxx wrote:


The mother of Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam)was called Maryam(sa). Some
people also call her Mary(sa). She was a very pious woman and once, an
angel of Allah Allah came to her and said: Soon you will have a son.
But how can I have a son? Maryam(sa) asked. I have no husband.

Boy, was she stupid, huh?

The
angel replied: Allah is almighty. when He wishes something, then it
will happen. You will have a son, and his name shall be Isa, and he
will be a great prophet of Allah(swt).
When Isa (Alaih Assalaam) was born, Maryam(sa) was on her own.

Wait, who fucked her, then?

She was
very sad and hungry, for she had nothing to eat.

She could have prostituted herself - she would have made money while studying, like all whores do, *and* she could have had children without bothering Allah(swt) with trivial bull***. It's not like Allah(swt) doesn't have better stuff to do.

But Allah came to her
aid. He made a stream flow and a tree with nourishing fruits grew in
the place where Maryam lived. Now, she would not have to suffer thirst
and hunger.

What? There hadn't even been running water in this place? And, please, who the hell survives on fruit alone? You gotta have at least Cheezits.

Later Maryam(sa) returned to her family. They were very curious about
the child and asked: How did you get him?

OK, now I see where her stupidity comes from.

But Maryam(sa) did not answer. Instead, she just pointed to the child.
Don't be silly, Maryam! the people admonished her. How can we ask a
child, who is still in the cradle?
But just then, to their amazement, they heard the child say: I am the
servant of Allah.

Not only that, the child knew English! And the family of stupids understood it!

He has given me the scripture and made me His
prophet. We, mankind, should worship only Allah and help the poor and
give them some of our money.

*** me, the child was an idiot, too. No big surprise there, btw.

Years passed and Isa grew to be a man.

Well, you didn't expect him to grow up a woman, did you?

Often, he spoke to the people
and told them what Allah had revealed to him. He told them too of the
earlier prophets of Allah. He told them: I am also a prophet of Allah
and I am also a man like all the other prophets of Allah. You should
believe in Allah and worship no-one apart from Allah. You should be
good to one another and help each other.

And people looked the other way, hurried past him and muttered under their breath "Get a job, loser".

Some people have given Isa(Alaih Assalaam) the name Jesus.

Why, was he not happy with his sissy name of Isa?

They say
that Allah is the father of Jesus. We know that this is not true.

Hence my question about who fucked her.

Isa(Alaih Assalaam) himself has said that he is only a prophet of
Allah, even though he had no father. Allah has no sons. Only human
beings have sons and daughters.
Isa(Alaih Assalaam) brought a book to mankind. This book is called
Injil, and Allah gave this book to Isa. In it there are many stories
and it is also stated there that mankind should worship only Allah.

What a coincidence. Same thing happened to me, only in my book it is stated that everyone should give me a thousand dollars.

Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam)had many blessings from Allah.

Has he tried to pawn them off on eBay?

He was able
to perform many miracles with Allah's help.

Yeah? I didn't know there were tortillas and cheese sandwiches in the Middle East that needed spicing up with Allah's images.

He could cure the sick so
that they would be grateful to Allah and obey and pray to Allah alone.

What did the HMO have to say about this? Has FDA been notified?

Isa (Alaih Assalaam) could also bring the dead back to life so that
the people would be happy and pray to Allah and thank Him.

Even the people who killed themselves? Imagine your life sucks ass, you finally get some guts to blow your head off and some *** brings you back to life? I'd fucking kill him, prophet or not.

Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam)told the people of another prophet who was
going to come later, whose name would be Prophet Ahmad. It was Allah
who had sent Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam) to the people to tell them
that Prophet Muhammad FPRIVATE "TYPE=PICT;ALT=Peace Be Upon Him"would
come.

Why would he come? Was he gently stroked? And why did he only have the rank of private? Couldn't he have made it to corporal at least?

There were many people who listened to Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam)
and worshipped Allah, but here were some who refused to listen and
wanted to kill him.

Understandable. Every time I hear Robertson, Falwell, Haggart, Hagee, Swaggart or any other sleazebag, I want to kill them, too.

Evil people have always tried to persecute and
kill Allah's prophets. We know that from the stories of Ibrahim (Alaih
Assalaam) and Yusuf (Alaih Assalaam)and many other prophets.

How many prophets are there? Can I be one? Sounds like a sweet job to me. How much *** can one get being a prophet? What's the benefit package like?

But when the evil people were just about to kill Isa (Alaih Assalaam),
Allah came to his rescue, just as He had rescued other prophets when
they were in danger.

So... the usual. Allah is just like AAA.

Some people say that Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam)was nailed onto a
cross by his enemies and that he died in this way. But we know this is
not true.

Yes, of course. Nails were expensive at that time. Why don't just club the fucker to death. Like a goddamn seal.

Allah protected Prophet Isa (Alaih Assalaam)so that the
people could not carry out their evil intentions. : Behold! Allah
said: "O Jesus!

Why? Did he stub his toe? Or did he come, too?

I will take thee and raise thee to Myself and clear
thee (of the falsehoods) of those who blaspheme; I will make those
who follow thee superior to those who reject Faith

And by "superior", he meant "completely illiterate idiots". Funny guy, Allah(swt).

to the Day of
Resurrection; then shall ye all return unto Me and I will judge
between you of the matters wherein ye dispute

Good. I have a dispute with my neighbor over his dog's ***, but I'm too cheap to take him to small claims court. When will this happen? This month, or next?


--
Come down off the cross
We can use the wood

Tom Waits, Come On Up To The House
.

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