Re: Too much family?


"Kalmia" <tweeny90655@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:9ccbab46-af29-4493-bb71-4b01c2512ac8@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Jul 26, 6:52 am, "Evelyn" <evelyn.r...@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
"Rita" <R...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message

news:1iup469n7a9ttqs5coae2ab8to9a3k4kp8@xxxxxxxxxx



> On Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:07:40 -0400, "Evelyn" <evelyn.r...@xxxxxxxxx>
> wrote:

>>"Kalmia" <tweeny90...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
>>news:818068dd-b494-4bf9-bc9a-83d6efd62b31@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>>> How would you handle this.
>>> A childless friend married a man who has 7 grown kids, and of >>> course
>>> there are all their spouses, SOs, and offpsring. Giving a family
>>> dinner has turned into a nightmare. She can't not invite all of >>> them,
>>> but feels that she needs to cut back somehow. The 7 kids are of
>>> little help which is also a bone of contention and she has at times
>>> felt like the maid. She also likes to include a few of HER friends
>>> too.

>>> What can she do? She hates to rule out family dinners altogether.
>>> The husband-dad hates confrontation, so finds it difficult to talk to
>>> his kids about this. I think that at their age, (65-70), maybe it's
>>> time the KIDS do the big entertaining.

>>We go and meet at a restaurant from time to time. No mess, no dishes,
>>everybody pays for their own. Works out great. Of course your last
>>suggestion is the best.

> There is usually something more going on when a parent with grown
> children remarries -- in this case the father's children seem to
> ignore the inconvience caused to his new wife and want things to
> be the way they went when their mother was alive.

> A neutral venue like a restaurant would work well if the point of the
> get together was just to spend some time with each other. There
> are restaurants where you can reserve a private room for such
> gatherings.

> Not knowing the parties involved or their motivations, though, how
> possibly can strangers in a news group have any picture of what
> really is going on?

The person getting stuck with all the work, ought to simply just STOP. It
can be gradual.

First make the next one a potluck. They all leave with their dishes, and
use paper plates and plastic cups... a lot less work right there.

I told my kids that now that I have this back problem and Lyme too, I cannot
do big family dinners. Fortunately when it has happened they did ALL the
work for me. I sat down and let them for the most part. We either go to
a restaurant, or they do the work here.

I don't feel the slightest bit guilty because I made awesome dinners and
events for them all their lives. They invited their boy and girl friends,
or whomever they wanted. We always had a full table. Now it is my turn
to be an old lady and believe me I am going to enjoy sitting back.

I don't mind making some main dish, like a lasagna or something that I can
take my time and assemble in advance, but the whole shebang?...... not
anymore. Too much for me. That woman needs to admit the same. Unless
and until she does, she will continue to be the donkey doing all the work.

--
Best Regards,
Evelyn

In the stony fastness of the mountains there is a strange market, where one
may barter the vortex of life for boundless bliss. - Milarepa

It's not the dishes and cooking so much as setting up leaves in
tables, getting out dishes, card tables, lugging chairs up from
basement, and putting it all away after they've all left. Maybe she
should put up a duty roster and ask them to pick a chore? It takes
her a day or two to get setup, then another day to undo it all.


That is a good suggestion. Enlist a couple of sturdy males to break the party down afterwards, and or to set up beforehand. I just can't do all that stuff anymore myself, so I just simply don't.

--
Best Regards,
Evelyn

In the stony fastness of the mountains there is a strange market, where one may barter the vortex of life for boundless bliss. - Milarepa

.

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