Re: Interesting Meeting on Iraq

Evelyn Ruut wrote:
"High Miles" <2Blues17@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:d-idnW9jr6XosbPanZ2dnUVZ_gmdnZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Nancy wrote:
<thenantz@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
Nancy, another poster here, Phoebe, has also lost a daughter. In her
case it was cancer. Everyone hopes they go before their children, but
it doesn't always happen that way. My sympathies to you.
Nantz

Thanks for the sympathies. What helped me a lot was an online group strickly for parents who have lost children. We have a different sort of grief. A friend of mine has lost both her adult children. Mine was also an adult (29). The most awful pain I've observed was that of mothers who lost small children.

Nancy


My best friend lost her son at thirty, he was a drug using ass pain, but as
soon as he was dead, he became some sort of angel in her eyes.
I'm convinced that she died out of a desire to be with him.
It was so said to watch her just keep going down physically and not
regret the fact that she would probably die.
I feel very sorry for her daughter, who is a fine, decent woman and never
gave any grief or worry. Bet she resents being placed a distant second
to a dead bum.
And it's true, women who lose small children seem to grieve forever.


It is probably because it is so very against the grain. We feel in our hearts that parents are not "supposed" to outlive their children, and very young ones have never had a chance to live at all.

Truth is that there is no "supposed to" belief of ours that is respected in this universe. It is a crapshoot, life is always fraught with unknown pitfalls. Kids die of cancer, get hit by cars and baseballs, die of strange bugs. If there was a shred of fairness or plan in this universe, it wouldn't be so, but it is.

Those who can come to the understanding that it is a random universe, gain a certain kind of reluctant acceptance I suppose, but for those who have spent a lifetime of belief in something beyond, it has to be seen as an ultimate betrayal of some kind from all we have held dear.

When it is a "drug using ass pain" who dies, we often punish ourselves worst of all, because their unhappiness and failures are seen as our failures. I suppose that there are some degree of "nurture" issues involved, but no mother can train a kid away from the effects of bad companions in their teenaged years. I know whereof I speak, since I have one son who has been problematical all his life. It is a miracle he hasn't done himself in, one way or another. If there is something dangerous or stupid, he has done it. No one can have any idea what sort of pain a parent goes through with a kid like that.


Guess you have to be in those shoes to feel that pinch.
.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Interesting Meeting on Iraq
    ... Thanks for the sympathies. ... What helped me a lot was an online group strickly for parents who have lost children. ... The most awful pain I've observed was that of mothers who lost small children. ... Kids die of cancer, get hit by cars and baseballs, die of strange bugs. ...
    (soc.senior.issues)
  • Re: Interesting Meeting on Iraq
    ... strickly for parents who have lost children. ... A friend of mine has lost both her adult children. ... My best friend lost her son at thirty, he was a drug using ass pain, ... regret the fact that she would probably die. ...
    (soc.senior.issues)
  • Re: Interesting Meeting on Iraq
    ... strickly for parents who have lost children. ... A friend of mine has lost both her adult children. ... The most awful pain I've observed was that of mothers who ... regret the fact that she would probably die. ...
    (soc.senior.issues)
  • Re: Interesting Meeting on Iraq
    ... strickly for parents who have lost children. ... A friend of mine has lost both her adult children. ... The most awful pain I've observed was that of mothers who ... regret the fact that she would probably die. ...
    (soc.senior.issues)
  • Re: Interesting Meeting on Iraq
    ... strickly for parents who have lost children. ... A friend of mine has lost both her adult children. ... My best friend lost her son at thirty, he was a drug using ass pain, ... regret the fact that she would probably die. ...
    (soc.senior.issues)