Re: punishing kids

On Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:29:58 -0700, noname <noname@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

On Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:28:32 -0500, High Miles <2Blues17@xxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:

noname wrote:
On Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:37:53 -0500, High Miles <2Blues17@xxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:

Nantz wrote:
Malcolm X always spoke loudly and with anger:M.L.King always spoke
softly and with peace. Who made the most progress? Who did most of the
people listen to?
I would guess that everyone who gets angry feels it's a righteous
anger, someone pisses them off and they react in anger. Of course I
get angry sometimes, who doesn't? But the older I get, the less reason
I find to be angry. People still continue to do stupid things whether
I get angry or not so I might as well save the energy.
Nantz
I don't believe all anger to be hot, reactive anger, and there are
injustices that spur anger. M.L. King's great speach was not a
peaceful speach. It was full of passion and was inspirational. There
is a difference between anger and violence or abuse.
Justine- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -
++++++++++++++
Whether anger is slow burning or explosively quick, I just plain don't
like to witness it. We are different in that respect. Is that okay
with you?
Let me give you an example of anger that could have but didn't happen.
I was sitting for my 7 yr old great nephew last week when he spilled a
bowl of cereal in the living room. I could have blown up and yelled at
him but the mess still would have had to be cleaned up and I wanted
him to know the consequences of disobeying my order to not eat
anything drippy or messy in the living room. So, the two of us cleaned
it up and had a very good time doing it. That's just me, maybe you
would have yelled in righteous anger for his disobedience.
I wouldn't want an angry president any more than I would want to work
for an angry boss. When you yell at someone they immediately put up a
defensive wall. If you want cooperation why force people to put that
wall up?
Nantz


I'd have made him clean it up 'alone' and that after I whipped his ass
soundly. Eating outside the kitchen.................not a good habit.
Yelling is always a waste of breath and time.
Of course, he's not your kid and it wasn't your carpet, so there was
no reason to break a sweat about it.
Pays to pick your battles at any age.

D

I think a grown person beating up on a child (whipping his ass
as you put it) is disgusting. I favor Nantz' approach. But why
make a federal case of something -- get the mess cleaned up with
the kid's help and forget about it. You want to show you are
bigger and more powerful than he is -- wow! Sure he'll cringe in
fear of you if he accidentally spills something in the future
but that is nothing to be proud of.

Corporal punishment does not change bad behavior -- it only
suppresses it in the presence of the punisher. And parents who
make a habit of corporal punishment more often than not end up
with some seriously screwed up kids. We had a family of them in
my neighborhood -- 9 kids whose father slapped them around until
they cowered in fear in his presence. One of them at age 4 set
the house on fire, the older kids ended up in jail or addicted
to drugs. They were vicious little brutes though toward the other
kids in the neighborhood. Had to work off that resentment somewhere.

Sorry - one case of excessive corporal punishment doesn't sink
the lot. There's a difference between brutality and correction.
It's good for the brat and better for the parent.
When household rules are broken without adequate punishment,
children often blur the line between right and wrong later on.
A whole world full of children have been spanked for misdeeds, and
they don't turn out to be hateful, destructive adults.
Children should fear the wrath of parents when they do wrong.
A lame response like....................' a time
out'..................is just a
demonstration of weakness on the part of the adult.
Too many parents want to be pals and abdicate the position of
authority they should hold.
If you honestly believe that corporal punishment only changes
behavior in the presence of the punisher, you ought to survey
older people and get their opinions.

I raised eight kids and found no reason to use corporal
punishment. I had neighbors at both
extremes -- some beat their kids and others let them get by with
anything. Neither approach is to be recommended. Children's
bodies and bones are fragile and an adult beating on them make
me sick. You may believe kids should fear their parents. I don't.
I think they should respect them and know there will be consequences
but they will not be violent ones. Violence breeds violence.

You seem to be of the same mind as the fundie preacher, James
Dobson. He recommends a parent leaving a belt or a switch on the
child's dresser to remind the child to fear parental wrath.

I didn't ignore bad behavior but found ways to deal with it other
than corporal punishment. My kids did not live in fear of me or their
father, but neither did they believe they could get by with anything.
And none of them have used corporal punishment on their kids either.

Parents who feel they must use corporal punishment show a lack of
imagination and resort to a quick fix, which doesn't fix anything
except perhaps for the short period in which the punishment takes
place. All the child learns is not to get caught in the future
doing whatever in the presence of the parent.

Juvenile Misdeeds and Punishment.

I was a latch key growing up in hard times. I was left to my own
accords because my single parent was often not aware of what I was
doing. I did admittedly get into a lot of mischief.

The correctional institution in that area at that time went by the
acronym BIS (Boy's Industrial School).
I have very vivid memories of how the initials "BIS" struck fear in my
heart and deterred me from allowing my mischief from progressing to
higher levels. I very well knew that if I were sent to BIS I would
be afforded some very rough treatment. On a couple of occasions I had
conversations with someone who had spent some time there.

It was definitely FEAR of that punishment that kept me from more
serious bad behavior. Now I don't why that does not still work that
way today. Apparently, many of today's' kids regard incarceration as
a "right of passage" and the graduates of those facilities of being
folk heroes. But with no reservation I can say that it that FEAR
that keep me reasonably straight.

My mother also subscribed to the philosophy that if I got into trouble
at school I surely was facing more trouble when I got home.

Old_Timer



.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: punishing kids
    ... I would guess that everyone who gets angry feels it's a righteous ... Corporal punishment does not change bad behavior -- it only ... with some seriously screwed up kids. ... Children should fear the wrath of parents when they do wrong. ...
    (soc.senior.issues)
  • Re: Incredible Teen Pregnants Parents
    ... So you think the parents should have arranged a marriage for these ... We Hmong consider these as harshest punishment for the kids. ... tus ntxhais hnub nyoog 14 xyoo cev tau xeeb tub. ...
    (soc.culture.hmong)
  • Re: Southerners -- who are red state Republikkons and who are the only support the Republikk
    ... Some say time-out is better punishment ... 62 percent of Southern parents spank their ... Not only are Southern kids spanked more at home, ... it's still allowed in Cheatham County schools, ...
    (alt.politics)
  • Re: Top 5 Hates about a Vegas Vacation
    ... no way they could be lost in the thousands of people. ... they're crying and whining (the kids) because they are TIRED but the ... parents still want to be out. ... This is a sore point with me as I will never take a child under 21 to Vegas.....but I never get angry with the children there but I do get angry with their parents who take them to a place where they are over-stimulate and then are surprised when their children aren't perfect angels. ...
    (alt.vacation.las-vegas)
  • Re: Reasonable chastisement and common assault
    ... either harmed or benefit from such punishment. ... great extent - and indeed it loses its effectiveness if used too often ... My parents always believed that slapping a child when necessary was OK, ... There are lots of ways to deal with kids. ...
    (uk.legal)