life under two corrupt governments--America and China (part 1 of 2)
- From: matloffmike@xxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2008 15:14:13 -0800 (PST)
Saturday, Februrary 23, 2008
I know--long time, no write. Just rest assured I've been busy being
tortured all the time, and also doing IT work. I am back in the United
States and have been since Thanksgiving 2007 (November 25th or so). So
now I can say with some assurance that right now, at least, it is
fellow Americans who are torturing me.
As to what happened in China, I can say with some confidence that I
was tortured by Chinese citizens as well as American citizens abroad,
but mostly Chinese citizens. Whether this was at the behest of the
American government (i.e., the American government initiated it), or
whether it was China's initiative, I do not know. I do know that there
is no possible way that such violence against me could have taken
place for so long (with me documenting it all) without the Chinese
government at least knowning what was going on. I do not know if
American citizens and Chinese citizens (and governments) worked
together in China to torture me; this is certainly a possibility.
What I do know is that I have been tortured in both countries, and
that China had some complicity in it. I know the Chinese police were
very corrupt; one particular officer actually put something in the
water he gave to me while I was waiting in the waiting room of the
station. My feeling is that both China and America are corrupt in the
sense that they do criminal actions to innocent civilians and violate
human rights.
I went to China to escape the unprovoked and undeserved daily torture
I experienced in America, inflicted by fellow Americans at the behest
of criminals in the American government and military. (Side note:
While in China and walking by some kind of conference for US and
Chinese military leaders, one US military type [replete in badges and
medals] gave me the good ol' mafia hit sign and grimaced menacingly at
me. I did not respond.) Instead, in China I experienced even more
brutality and oppression.
In China there are many good people and I made many friends. I came to
China with the best intentions, wanting to start a new life and teach
English and be free of torture. To the extent that the Chinese
government allowed me to enter their country, secure a job, and find a
place to live, I am grateful. However, to the extent that the Chinese
government allowed and/or participated in actions against me that
resulted in permanent vision and hearing damage, permanent knee joint
damage, scars, torture and misery, and I am greatly angered.
I am sorry to have learned the hard way that corruption still rules
the governments of our world, be they American or Chinese governments
or others. Now, after having experienced torture and maiming in both
countries, I can conclude that America is perhaps the "less brutal and
corrupt" of the two; but unfortunately this is not saying a whole lot.
And I am not sure whether it is because the perpetrators in America
are kinder, or whether it is the democratic system of America that
restricts, to at least some extent, the evil they can do. I am glad to
be back in America where at least there are the trappings of
democracy, if not the full realization of democracy's promise.
Wednesday, November 11, 2007
Well, I'm still alive, at least for now. I'm sleeping at home now.
They are still using ionizing radiation on me at home, all night, and
also a bit during the day. The ionizing stuff interferes with the
body's ability to produce blood, making my body always feel cold and
my heart weak. It used to be that I always felt warmer than everyone
else--now I am usually colder than everyone. The weak heart feeling is
perhaps the most concerning.
What happened at 7-11
After I wrote the last entry--right after--I went back. I tried my
best to discourage as many people as possible from buying the drinks.
Some listened, some didn't. I saw a suspicious looking foreigner
(probably American) buy one bottle of water and nothing else. I do not
usually see foreigners (other than my myself) in this 7-11, especially
so early in the morning.
Finally I got smart (I was so tired) and just bought as much water as
I could. I spent 150 yuan on bottled water so that I could just get it
off the shelf. I left the water to the clerk to dispose of it; I do
hope that he threw it in the garbage, as I instructed in, and did not
put it back on the shelves. When I left, the water was in trash bags
and off the shelves. And I was very, very, very, very, exhausted.
Notifying the police
I finally, finally contacted the police. I realize now that I had made
a great mistake all this time: I should have contacted the police the
very moment I got to China. In fact, I recommend this to all TIs: If
you move to a different country, contact the police there immediately,
first thing, and tell them your story. Let them know from the very
beginning what is going on, because the chances are these bad people
will hurt you in this new country as well.
So I contacted the police, and they came to my apartment. I told them
the neighbors were using radiation to hurt me and referred them to my
website. I also told them about the ionization of the water and
offered some water I had bought at 7-11 as evidence, but they wouldn't
take it. Basically, I feel I have lots of evidence but no laboratory
to take it to.
I do not really trust the police; when they first came to my house,
they were very accusatory toward me, very attacking, and so on. The
came back two days later with a different attitude, seeming to be
friendly but wanting all sorts of personal information, including the
names of all my friends (which I did not give them and would never
give to anyone). But whether or not the police can be trusted, I
consider it my civic duty to notify them, especially considering the
danger to others and what happened at 7-11. My attackers still, still
insist on attacking me in public places.
Mike the spy???
It seems absolutely unbelievable, but it is possible that the police
and perhaps some of the people hurting me believe I am a spy. In fact,
one person (who shall remain nameless) insinuated that fact pretty
clearly. It is hard for me to believe that they are serious and not
pulling my leg.
I AM NO SPY! I cannot believe anyone would think that for a moment.
Think about it: My name, my photo, everything about me is on the
Internet for all to see. I am not a spy, I have never been a spy and
would never, ever be a spy for anyone or anything. But it's difficult
to prove a negative: How do I prove what I am not? I came to China
looking for a different life. Instead, I have been attacked. I was
even attacked in China before I said one word on this website about my
attackers. I have no agenda and have no interest in politics other
than to see these bad people, whoever they are, stop torturing,
maiming and killing innocent civilians with radiation. I spy on no
one. I am not a spy. It seems ridiculous that I even have to say this.
Don't lie. Don't lie about a single thing.
I did make one mistake here in China: I lied on my medical examination
form. I checked the wrong "boxes" on the form: I checked "No" for some
medical conditions when I should have checked "Yes". I should not have
done that. I remember the circumstances. This is a form that has to be
filled out in order to get a Z-visa. The form asks if you have ever
been treated for mental health problems or had any surgeries, among
other medical questions. I should have checked yes to those questions.
I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stay in China. Also, I didn't know
how to explain the mental health stuff--it's all related to the bad
guys attacking me. What I should have done is answered honestly and
then attached additional sheets of paper explaining what happened. The
bottom line is that when you are attacked by people who threaten you
and hurt you with radiation every day, you will suffer some mental
health problems.
I am an extremely honest person and this incident is a rare one. I was
just afraid that if I checked "yes" to any of these questions, I would
automatically be denied the visa. I don't know if that is the case or
not; I do know that I should never lie. So I have learned a lesson. I
am living and learning. When and if I apply for my next visa, I will
retake the medical examination and answer truthfully to every
question--and I will also bring extra paper so instead of just
indicating "yes", I can also explain why I had these problems.
To other TIs, I say: Never ever lie, not on any form, not even about
the slightest thing. Then, even if things don't go your way, you can
always say that at least you were always honest. Now I must live with
this shame, and more than that, my attackers and detractors can always
point to this and say, "See! He's a liar!" In fact, this is the only
time I can think of that I have lied in recent memory. It is
regrettable.
The airport incident
And now, after admitting a mistake, after admitting lying once, I must
now try to convince people that I nevertheless am not a general liar.
I have never lied on this website and I am not lying now. Like
everything else on this website, the airport incident is true--
absolutely, 100% true. This is not about checking the wrong boxes on a
form--this is me telling you in words, in my words, what happened. In
1998 at JFK Airport I met a man who I believe was one of the 911
terrorists and I reported him to the FBI. It is the truth. You can
choose to believe it or not.
What else is going on in my life
Working, living, dying, feeling sick all the time. That's my life. I
wish other TIs (Targeted Individuals--victims of these bad people who
use radiation as a weapon on individuals to intimidate, hurt, maim and
kill) a better life than my own. I still hope some day that this
irradiating of civilians in their homes and in society comes to an
end. I wish for a world at peace and where people are free to say and
write what they wish without being tortured, maimed or killed. It is
my great sadness, and not with joy, that I report that my home
country--America--uses radiation on its own citizens, and that I never
enjoyed the right to liberty there as guaranteed in the Declaration of
Independence. Despite all that I have experienced in China--even if I
die here--I find that China is a better and more hospitable place than
America. Every country has gangsters and apparently every country has
people with these radiation weapons, but I am an American citizen and
therefore feel betrayed by America, by a country that would either
encourage, condone, or turn a blind eye to the radiation torture of
one of its own citizens. If I have committed any crime, let me be
tried and arrested; and if not, then give me my freedom. But what a
travesty of justice I experienced in America.
It has occurred to me recently, and not for the first time, that what
these people really are is just a big bunch of bullies. A much bigger
group of bullies and with powerful weapons indeed, but really just a
big bunch of bullies, with the same dynamics you see in the
schoolyard. It is really a shame. I hope someday things change in this
world.
November 2, 2007
More and more bad news
This world has lost its mind. These criminals are a terrible, terrible
danger. They must be stopped. Even if they run the world now, they
absolutely, positively must be stopped.
I was just inside 7-11 here in Beijing, across from a middle school.
They were so adamant about attacking me--viciously, vilely, with
incredible amounts of radiation that made me feel like my nose would
just shake off violently--that they attacked me right in front of a
large case of beverages. Then the spasms paused, and then they
repeated this cycle again, and again, and again. My body is screwed
up, but here's what's worse: If, the pauses were ionizing radiation,
as they consistently have been for the past 4-5 days, then they just
turned every beverage in that refrigerated case into irradiated
poison. And now here come the kids to buy those beverages this morning
right before going in to take midterm exams. I need to talk to the
fucking police. I hope to god they did not use ionizing *** in 7-11.
I want to say something but who the hell is gonna believe me? What the
*** can I do???
These people are monsters. Absolutely, positively monsters. When is
this going to stop??? When???
The thought crossed my mind earlier tonight that perhaps it's already
too late for China--that maybe the same criminals run China as well.
Maybe what has happened is that the mafia is silently taking over all
the world, running all the countries, by using this extremely covert,
powerful, perfect weapon. I'm beginning to think that all the
"differences" between countries are just a bunch of BS to keep up the
illusion of autonomous countries when it is probably the case that
most countries are being run by the fucking mafia now. Please excuse
my language but right now I am beyond words.
November 2, 2007
TIs: Another thing to try is to work nights and sleep days; that way
you could sleep on moving vehicles such as buses and trains.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Well, it's 3:31am in the morning here. I am staying with a friend, in
an office/apartment and being attacked yet again. Viciously. I believe
they started attacking me around 2:00am. Here's the thing to know:
These criminals are using focused radiation, both non-ionizing and
ionizing on innocent people including me. This is what the American
government developed: directed energy radiation. Not radiation that
goes in every direction simultaneously, but radiation, including
horrible ionizing stuff being used on me this very minute as I sit
here and type, that can be focused into a narrow beam and used to
target individuals. It is my greatest hope that someday this is put to
an end and the perpetrators brought to justice.
For the record, here is my address in China. Investigators can
research into what has been happening there for a year now. I live
(not there right now, as it has become a virtual "death zone") in Xin
Hua Lian Jing Yuan, in Tong Zhou Building 29, Apt. 261, Tongzhou,
Beijing China 101100.
Right now I am being attacked in an office building in downtown
Beijing. I believe I am being attacked from the office below the one
I'm in, and possibly also from one on this floor that is adjacent
(shares a wall with) this one.
I am being shot with microwaves first, and then with the ionizing
stuff. I believe this is to "clear the path" for the ionizing shot and
prevent something called "blooming", where the ionizing stuff
interacts with the air. They want a direct hit on me with max power,
so first they do shoot microwaves to make a sort of vacuum, or at
least to minimize air in between the weapon and me. That's my guess as
to what is happening. The symptoms are this: I feel a big spasm in my
nose (microwave), and then it is immediately followed by no feeling
whatsoever except a funny smell and a certain "breathlessness" and
inability to think (ionizing).
My evidence is all admittedly circumstantial. I can "feel" the attacks
coming from that direction; and in fact one shot hit the bottom of my
foot. Also, suspicious noises and droning coming the below apartment.
The bottom line is, this evil happens from behind closed doors, from
behind darkened car windows, and concealed inside suitcases that
people transport. Because of the penetrating nature of radiation, they
can cowardly conceal everything. That people cooperate with these
monsters is the saddest thing of all. That there are monstrous people
who willingly participate and attack me, and those who give orders to
attack me, is also monstrous. If more people stood against them, they
could not get away with this.
For other victims: safest, safest place is to have a human shield.
Some people who are willing to put themselves in harms way and block
the way to your head with their bodies while you sleep. That's asking
a lot, and that's something that I and most victims simply do not
have. Short of that, sleeping in very heavily occupied places is a
poor second; you could also try sleeping in moving vehicles (like a
car or bus) if you can find one at night.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Well, my heart still feels pretty weak but I feel a little bit better
since Friday because I haven't been sleeping at home. Basically they
have turned my apartment--what should be my home sweet home--into a
death trap. Now I have to get sleep anywhere I can find it--on a bus,
in a crowded room, anywhere. They have correspondingly stepped up the
attacks, attacking me every few seconds and with vicious ferocity.
Mostly the attack seems to be two non-ionizing shots followed by a
long ionizing shot right in the face. You can't really feel the
ionizing shot per se, just the instant, unstoppable suffocation and
funny air smell.
I realized how they do many of the outdoor attacks today: they snipe
from higher ground, i.e., taking up sniper positions in nearby tall
buidlings. Yes, it seems they actually go so far as to place snipers
in high positions in nearby buildings. As I was walking home today and
feelings the nastiness, I looked up and saw some suspicious behavior
in one of the windows in one of the buildings near me. The truth is,
the sniper explanation is the only logically possible one; I've
thought of my symptoms and the situation from all angles, and snipers
(using EM technology rather than guns in this case) are the only angle
that makes sense. So the sniper has a radiation weapon whose output
basically travels at the speed of light, and a camera that can see
through buildings and see the heat signal of a targeted individual.
It's truly sick and cowardly, what they are doing.
Here is more sick cowardice: Now they have turned to torturing my
friends. Many of my friends are amazingly sick with the same symptoms
I've been having. These depraved monsters are just willing to do
absolutely anything to get what they want--even hurting my friends
just for being friends. They are disgusting.
Friday, October 26, 2007
They've been irradiating me quite a bit and my health has really been
going downhill. My heart seems to be beating very weakly, very
faintly, and the hospital reported blood pressure of 111/57. I know my
pressure is normally 120/70. I am always cold now and my fingers cold;
usually I am warmer than everyone else because my body has a lot of
hair.
To other TIs: I realize now that the safest place, always, is around
other people. As crazy as it seems, you're better off sleeping in a
public place like a 24-hour restaurant or bar than in your home. The
more people, the better; because they will flood your own apartment
with ionizing radiation. Every night for the past 10-12 nights it has
been the same thing: I try to sleep and get maybe 1-2 hours of sleep
and wake up with my heart beating fast, and weakly, with no oxygen,
and my body cold, and my body is just breaking down now. I've noticed
that my fingers and joints seem to be reacting slowly. And of course I
am incredibly tired, tired beyond reason.
It's clear now what they've been doing for 20 years: directed beams of
non-ionizing and ionizing radiation. After reading the articles on
these topics, I see that the symptoms *exactly* fit my symptoms, the
symptoms I've had over a period of 20 years now. If you check a
previous entry of mine, you'll see a news article about radioactivity
and contamination. This is what I think they developed: a directed,
high focusable beam (not dispersed in all directions) of both non-
ionizing (probably microwave) and ionizing radiation. And now they use
it to torture, maim, and kill people, and to get what they want.
"They" being, I think, the mafia, who one radio talk show host (who
seems like an honorable man) said really control America.
Today in all the major online and offline news sources there's a big
article about how the mafia virtually doesn't exist, isn't powerful,
etc.
Italian Mobsters in Widespread Decline.
I think this article might be a bunch of nonsense (that is, a lie). I
understand that the American government can plant stories in the
media; I think this may be one of them. Just because there are five
contributors, that doesn't make it true. If it's true, when why have
my harassers been--up until recently-- making mafia hit signs at me?
(See previous entry.) Why did the talk show host say very recently
that the mob runs America? I am skeptical.
On a different note: I don't want to be one who only reports the bad
news, so here is a piece of good news concerning the torture of an
innocent Canadian citizen named Maher Arar. Now at least America
(kudos to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice) has publically admitted
it made a mistake regarding this man's deportation:
Rice Admits U.S. Erred in Deportation
Tuesday, October 23, 2007--Part II
Seeing as I might "kick the bucket," so to speak, I want to talk about
one more thing. I only just today told two reporters about it; I have
never told anyone about this before, and perhaps in a moment you will
understand why.
In 1998 I was living on Long Island, New York, and of course still
being tortured by these radiation weapons. I would often see
helicopters that looked like they were following me, and once I even
saw a pilot in the helicopter that looked like he was holding
something that might be a weapon. At any rate, it seemed that I was
being attacked from above and so I figured that maybe if I slept at
the airport, there would be commercial aircraft in the way and they
wouldn't be able to hurt me. So in 1998 I spent four nights trying to
sleep, uncomfortably, on the floor of JFK (John F. Kennedy) Airport.
At night I would drive to the airport, park my car, and go in and try
to sleep. It didn't work--I was still attacked and was very tired.
When I couldn't sleep I would wander around the airport and talk to
strangers. I met many nice strangers, but once I sat down in a waiting
area (people were waiting for a plane) with other guests, and in this
waiting area was an Arab man who looked very strange somehow. He had
on a business suit, but over his head he had the Arabic headdress
(forgive me, because I do not know the name of this). He was also
clutching a suitcase tightly; I remember that well.
I went over and sat down next to him. Now remember, I was so
incredibly tired, I could barely keep my eyes open. I fought to keep
them open. I said hello to make conversation, and he told me he was
from Saudia Arabia. He was very intense and I got the distinct
impression he was up to something. He said he had nothing against the
American people but didn't like the American government. He went on,
as best as I can recall, about how Saudia Arabia is better than
America because women are covered up and so on. I didn't agree with
him but just tried to humor him, to find something pleasant to say
that wouldn't set him off, because this guy was very intense. I
remember he had "crazy eyes." His eyes were very intense. Now, mind
you, this guy said nothing about any plans whatsoever, nothing about a
plan to do any violence or fly any planes into buildings and so on.
Well, as tired as I was, I still felt that this guy was up to no good.
I left him--and I remember this: When I got up to leave, other people
sitting around us and listening applauded this--they actually clapped
when I left. I was trying to be a calming influence on this guy, but I
guess their hatred was so intense for him or for me, that they were
happy when I left. I'm speculating here; I did not ask them why they
clapped. Anyway, I went straight to a payphone and spent 15 minutes or
so trying to find an FBI office somewhere in the US that was still
open; this happened in the early hours of the morning. I don't
remember the exact time now, but I'm guessing between 11:30pm and
3:00am in the morning. Finally someone at an FBI office answered the
phone, and I told him the whole story--everything, that I had just met
this Arab guy clutching this briefcase and saying he didn't like the
American government, and that I felt he was up to something but didn't
know what. I told him where I met this guy, what waiting room he was
in, what airport I was in and what time it was. I remember he
mentioned that unfortunately a lot of Arabs have the same negative
attitude toward the US.
That's it. That's the story. Now, I don't actually know if this man
was one of the terrorists that attacked on 9/11. I don't know if he
was a terrorist or not. I have not told this story before because
people will think I am somehow involved; nothing could be further from
the truth. I did my part as an American citizen to report my
suspicion--and that's all it was, he told me of no plans--to the
government. I did not give my name and contact information to the FBI
guy; maybe I should have, but you have to understand that I was
already being harassed with radiation weapons by, in fact, the US
government; and I had spoken out against what the US government does
to innocent people, and I still do. So I thought that they would think
I had something to do with it.
That is the story. I have not told it publically until now. It is the
truth. I think that maybe this guy was Mohammed Atta, but I do not
know for sure. He had this head covering on and I don't remember his
face well (I could barely keep my eyes open), but I do remember his
crazy eyes. I am telling it now because I am afraid that the American
government is using evidence that I was at JFK Airport to convince the
Chinese government to let them go ahead and torture or kill me. But I
had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11, and in fact--if this really
was one of the terrorists--I tried to stop it.
I know this is hard to believe. It does seem like every bad thing
happens to me; I guess I am just an unlucky person. I was
flabbergasted when 9/11 happened. I know sometimes coincidences are
hard to believe but in fact they do happen. I am willing to take any
lie detector test given to me. I am not a terrorist, never have been
and never will be; I believe in the rule of law, even while the US
government violates the Constitution and my rights as a US citizen--
and human being--every single day. I believe in the rule of law and
words, rather than violence, and that is why I write this blog, and
why I have written in the past.
Meanwhile, today, the criminals continue to use non-ionizing and now
ionizing radiation to ruin my health. I cannot sleep because they
torture me from apartments surrounding my home. My phone is most
likely tapped. I have been attacked for 20 years now--for the whole
story, please read all of this blog from the beginning.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Ions, Anyone?
I think I'm beginning to understand more about what the bad guys are
doing to me. I never did take much physics; I'm kind of wishing I had
now. Take a look at the following links:
Radiation vs. Contamination
Ionizing Radiation
Introduction to Ionizing Radiation
I believe the smells I've been smelling lately are "plasma"--the
relased ions in the air. It's not a typical gas. And this is bad news--
that means it's ionizing radiation, which is really bad stuff. Before
this time, I guess they've been using microwaves, which heat the body
and also have a "force impact" that feels at times like being poked
with pins and at other times makes my muscles contract. But lately--
the last two weeks--they've been doing this ionizing stuff. This stuff
has no "force impact" and it doesn't heat the body. And yet apparently
it is the deadliest stuff. In particular, just like with the
microwaves, they like to target my nose so that I suck the plasma in
and absolutely just cannot sleep at home or even outside on my
balcony. (I've been sleeping at home lately because, well, after
you've been attacked and tortured for such a long time, you do get
tired of camping. I know, it's no excuse.) Anyway, for the last ten
nights or so (scary) I've wake up throughout the night with my heart
beating fast, and the whole apartment having this funny smell. I hear
noises against the walls adjoining the apartments around me, perhaps
indicating my neighbors are pushing something heavy (like this weapon)
right up against the wall to get it close to me.
So the upshot is this: microwaves are non-ionizing but absolutely
torture and destructive, x-rays/gamma (among others) are ionizing and
deadly. In addition to whatever cell damage they are doing, they are
also sleep depriving me and have also at times shot me directly in the
heart. So perhaps they will do me in. I ask this: If I "kick the
bucket," it is my wish that this website remain up and available. To
that end, I ask others to mirror it and keep copies of it around the
web so that others can benefit from the advice. Much of the advice is
helpful. For example, I have mentioned previously that when awake, and
exhaling out of your mouth instead of your nostrils (this
unfortunately takes conscious effort), they cannot "see" and target
your nostrils well, making it much more difficult for them to
suffocate you. This is true even now, for me; they've are using more
deadly weapon technology, but still it seems to be the same imaging
(infrared-type) technology.
I realize now that I was quite wrong about one piece of advice: An
apartment on the highest floor is not a good idea, because they have
such powerful radiation weapons (such a hideous abuse of scientific
discoveries--what a shame) that they can also shoot you from a plane,
which I believe has also been happening, especially when I am out on
my balcony. (By the way, I live along an airport flight path, I know;
but lately there has been some particular aircraft jet in the middle
of the night with a different sound from what I normally hear; and
also I have mentioned before the episode on the bus (see previous
entry) where the angle of attack was only possible by plane.) It is
possible that the Chinese government is complicit in this, although I
do not know this at all, and I hope that is not the case. If it is,
what a tragedy; for I have done nothing to China but come here to
teach English, make friends and start a new life. But I recall that in
the case of the US's rendition policy, many other governments secretly
helped them kidnap people and fly planes in and out of their country.
It is truly a shame. At any rate, I feel now that the best place for a
TI (a targeted individual, like myself) is on the first floor: not so
that we can sleep there, but so we can camp out and get in and out of
the apartment very quickly and easily. Right now, my apartment is six
flights up with no elevator.
Also know this: China is my home now. I have many wonderful, wonderful
friends and have found the Chinese people to be the kindest, most
wonderful people. I have no intention of leaving and would never just
up and disappear. So know that if I "disappear," it means the bad guys
have made me disappear; I would never just up and run away.
One more thing: I have noticed that when in the shower, when I direct
the hot water from the shower head in front of my nose, they cannot
see it, because they never shoot me then (and they are always shooting
me!). So other TIs might want to try building something that puts hot
water between them and the bad guys to inhibit the bad guys' ability
to target them, if such a device is possible and feasible.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Don't worry, be happy
Hello everyone. Been too long again since I've last written, but I've
been really busy. So has the mob. Busy gassing me, or putting some
smelly substance into my apartment that makes it difficult for me to
breathe. Well, you know, I've always said the criminals are a gas. Now
you know what I mean. Amazingly, this nasty air presence disappears if
I open my front door and start blowing it the air out of my apartment
with fans. Sometimes this happens before I even get the fans set
up. :-)
It's the same basic story: They beat me up everyday with high-tech
naughty weapons to silence the truth, and I go right on telling you
the truth (or as near as I can come to it) and getting beat up. This
is the usual, day-to-day lowdown. Only today, in spite of everything,
I feel happy. It's been a year now since I've spoken out--that's a one-
year anniversary of truth! Happy Anniversary, everybody! Huzzah.
News, news and more news
There's been so much relevant stuff in the news that I don't know
where to start. You remember that in September I complained about
"secret laws." Well, here you go:
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4
Apparently, the Bush administration says, "Aw heck, no, we don't
torture!" and then writes some secret memos that say, "Yep, go ahead
and torture 'em, boys." Ah, secrets.
But then, when you go around the world kidnapping people, imprisoning
them, and torturing them without due process, I guess you have a lot
to hide. Maybe that's why CIA directory Michael Hayden is unhappy with
the agency's Inspector General John L. Helgerson. Apparently Mr.
Helgerson has been doing his job too well, exposing CIA renditions and
torture, and so now Mr. Hayden is investigating the investigator (!):
Link 1
Link 2
But hey, what's a little torture and rendition when we're dealing with
bloodthirsty, evil, hideous, monstrous terrorists! Yeah, that's what
they deserve! You know, to make an omelette you gotta break a few
eggs. But what happens when you break the wrong eggs? Seems America
has been rounding up some innocent people, kidnapping them,
imprisoning them, and torturing them without due process, without any
communication to their families, and just plain ol' without any
semblance of justice whatsoever.
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
For one of the men mentioned above, it seems to have been a case of
mistaken identity. His name is Khaled el-Masri, while the actual
terrorist's name was Khalid el-Masri--that's Khalid with an "i." So
apparently having the wrong name is a crime punishable by kidnapping,
imprisonment, torture, and a generally ruined life. Oh, but don't ask
for justice, Mr. Masri, because that's just asking for too much:
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4
Link 5
Don't even ask for an apology or even an open admission of wrongdoing,
because you won't get it from America. What greater abuse can you do
to a man than kidnap him, imprison him and deny all contact with his
family and the outside world, and torture the living *** out of him
for months? I suppose it could have been years. What if he had died?
Then could his family sue the American government? How long are we
going to let our depraved government hide behind the ever-broadening
shield of "state secrets"? You won't get it from my government, Mr.
Masri, but speaking only for myself (and perhaps for other, rational-
minded Americans), I am truly sorry for the abuse you had to endure at
the hands of my government. This is not just justice denied--it is
justice kidnapped, beaten and chained to the ceiling.
In another case, Canadian police and the CIA incorrected concluded
that one Mr. Maher Arar was a terrorist. He, too, got the deluxe KRIT(tm)
(kidnapping-rendition-imprisonment- torture) package. The difference
here, however, is that Mr. Arar is a Canadian citizen, and Canada
actually owned up and did the right thing: They admitted they made a
mistake in this case and paid compensation to Mr. Arar. Furthermore,
unlike America, Canada is reforming its "we don't care about due
process" laws. America could learn a lot from Canada it seems.
Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4
Link 5
On the other hand, el-Masri is from Germany. For the most part, the
German government did a good job exposing the abuses perpetrated
against el-Masri, and German journalists dutifully reported the facts.
Unfortunately, some in the German government didn't want some of those
facts reported and began harassing German journalists:
Link 1
I'm not sure if I count as a journalist, but I do get the Deluxe
Electronic Harassment (DEH(tm)) package, courtesy of the apparently
criminal-controlled US of A. I had a friend who once intimated that
she "had friends in New York"--that is to say, mafia friends--and
apparently therefore her connection could help end my suffering.
That's nice to know. I mean, it's good to know that America works by
mafia rule and not by the rule of law or the U.S. Constitution or
irrelevant stuff like that.
Are radioactive materials involved with what they do to me? Who knows.
Have a look at this fun little bit of info that was recently
declassified:
Link 1
The interesting parts to me are the stuff about "plausible
deniability" and that the "munition should be inconspicuous and
readily transportable." Sounds like the kind of attack stuff they do
to me or other TIs. The actual technology may be different, but the
methodology and thinking here seems very similar.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Update (especially for TIs)
Well, it's been too long since I've last written. Everything has been
crazy--which is the normal state of things. The abuse is never-ending.
The night before last they attacked me quite viciously, all night
long. I was already sick, and the attacks just made everything much
worse. One thing that TIs have to put up with is that the
perpetrators' attacks us at all times, whether we are sick or not.
It's worse than that--when I have injuries, they often purposely attack
the injury. Seriously--they will start shooting an area that is injured
that normally they would not bother to shoot.
They had been a little "easier" on me for a couple days at home, so I
was sleeping at home. This was a big mistake. The night before last
they just, all of a sudden, out of the blue, attacked viciously. They
do this--they take it easy on you for a day to give you a false sense
of security and without warning attack like maniacs. I have finally
given up any hopes of sleeping in my apartment (that I pay rent for
every month) and have resigned myself to tenting outside. It's just
safer. I relate this story to all TIs out there: really the only safe
place for us is outside. It's really a shame. The criminals have a
whole assortment of very powerful, through-the-wall weapons with
various capabilities. They have increased the level, types and
capabilities of these weapons to the point where I cannot protect
against their effects sufficiently to be able to get even a passable's
night sleep.
One more important point for TIs, and something that I may have
neglected to mention before, is that we need to also guard our throats
(as well as our noses) while sleeping. If you consider the respiratory
system of human beings, air travels in and out the nose and up and
down the throat. The nose and throat are the two points we must guard
to be able to breathe. The good part is, though, that it's not too
hard to guard the throat. You can lean your chin on your chest so that
your chin blocks the way, and also, one hand well placed over the
middle of your throat will defend against any interference with your
breathing, and you will have one hand left to protect your nose. You
just have to remember to defend your throat and you'll find it's not
too hard to do. The downside, as there always is, is that we have only
two hands and other areas will be open for attacks. This is what we
TIs must always endure. One other thing: it's the front, center of the
throat that leads to your windpipe and it's front and center that you
need to block. They can cause other troubles by attacking the sides of
your neck, but if you block the front and center of your throat, just
under your chin, they at least will not be able to suffocate your
windpipe.
What did they do the night before last? Well, they started by
attacking my brain again--yes, heating the side of my head (the right
side). I went back to putting my head in the freezer and I am happy to
report that that did cool things down and in fact, they were unable to
effectively heat the side of my head. But the rotten neighbors below
have some kind of "droning" weapon that gave me a headache and made me
dizzy and actually "shook" and "vibrated" the refrigerator/freezer to
the point where sleep was impossible. So that's what happened. They
also continued to shoot me in the nose and throat, and at one point I
fell asleep (after exhaustion and moving from place to place in my
apartment) and didn't guard my throat well. That, combined with the
fact that I was already sick and had a throat cold, and the fact that
I had to wake up early and talk, talk, talk all day (I'm an English
teacher), has caused me to basically have no voice right now. I had to
miss a whole day of work today. And I can barely talk. At my class
last night, everyone was amazed at my voice and said it sounded very
"cool" and that I sounded like "Sean Connery." Of course, as
distinguished and awesome-sounding as Sean Connery is, I do not
normally sound like him and so this is a bit alarming.
My intuition is that the perpetrators listen to all my "self-talk"--
everything I say in my apartment--and of course they are not
particularly rational or intelligent human beings, so their
interpretation of this self-talk may, in their minds, "justify" their
sickening, animal behavior, and may encourage further immoral,
despicable violence directed at me. Plus there is the possibility that
they record this and play this self-talk to others to convince others
that I am a bad person; but of course self-talk after someone has been
tortured and is not thinking clearly, is not proof of anything, and I
have the right to say anything in the world to myself. But I bring
this up because you, other TIs, might want to consider a policy of
silence when you are alone. It is what I have decided to do now. It's
good for the abovementioned reason, and also it helps us conserve
energy, which is also important. You may feel that you really need the
self-talk to give yourself "therapy," so to speak, and I understand
that, but anyway I just thought I'd throw this idea out there. For me,
I will try for therapy just by way of my own internal thoughts. Also,
I have realized that when I start talking to myself, it's a sign that
they have really made me very, very tired and exhausted.
In the preceding paragraph, I wanted to say "their illegal behavior",
but in fact I don't know if what they do is legal or not because I do
not know the laws of China. America has secret laws that are
classified and not open to the public. No laws should ever be secret.
It is too great a loss of liberty to the citizens of a country. In the
name of national security, America creates secret laws that I, a
private citizen, am not even allowed to know about. Well this is
unacceptable and too great a price to pay. If our security and defense
tactics are not sound enough that they have to be made secret, then we
are just not coming up with enough good ideas. We need better military
and defense strategies and planning, then, and not secret laws. Where
is freedom and liberty in a country with secret laws? In fact, my own
government could be sanctioning the violence it does to me with a law
that I am not even allowed to know about. This is corruption and abuse
of power at its worst.
Unprovoked acts of hatred
The other thing that, as a TI, you need to learn to put up with is
unprovoked and unpredictable random acts of hatred. My guess is that
the criminals' leaders have issued some kind of order to all members
(including bus drivers, cab drivers, etc.) that they do should do
everything in their power to hurt me so long as it's not obviously
illegal. So, for instance, I took a taxicab yesterday where the
driver, for no reason, started contacting his friends over the CB and
they proceeded to humiliate me, to make fun of me, imitate my speech,
etc.; he also screamed for 10 minutes, stopping the car, and so on,
because I accidentally put my shoes on the seat. (Actually, I don't
think my shoes even touched the seat, and at any rate, it was a cheap
cotton seat cover and could easily be removed and washed.) What other
people don't realize is that we TIs have to put with abuses like these
from random strangers every day. How do they know who I am? I guess
the perpetrators circulate my photograph among their members. Who
knows--they might even present movie footage of me.
More about torture
In my last entry I talked about an important article about the use of
a torture technique called waterboarding. After the article appear
comments posted by readers, many of them Americans. I was both
heartened and saddened by the comments by my fellow Americans. Many
Americans are against the use of torture, as I am, and spoke
eloquently and intelligently about the matter; but there were also
many postings that seemed to be based on ignorance more than anything
else. Below are one reader's comments (within quote marks), and my
response to those comments:
This is in response to Dennis's comment:
"...Before you start whining about torture show me someone with their
ears cut off, their eyes put out, their fingernails ripped out. Show
me someone who has had the skin slowly peeled off of their limbs. Show
me someone who has had their joints crushed. Their fingers burned off
with a blowtorch. Show me someone who has had the flesh boiled off of
their feet. Someone who has been scourged. Someone who has been coated
with honey and left for the bugs to eat. Show me anything that
involves destuction of the body and results in agonizing pain.
Do NOT show me some terrorist who was made to think he was drowning
for a minute and a half and who broke down and spilled his pathetic
little guts and attempt to tell me that he was tortured...."
Torture is all about giving a person more pain than *that person* can
take. Pain is in our heads. It is in the way our central nervous
systems (CNS) respond to stimuli; and everyone is different. It
matters not whether I rip a subject's foot off or simply touch him
with a feather if both give him, the individual I'm trying to torture,
unbearable pain. There are people who can stick knives in their arms
without flinching; for these people, a knife in the arm is *not*
torture, though it may permanently damage the nerves in their arm. But
for others this is torture. Likewise, the mind is very powerful, and
can torture a person even when the body is not in risk of any
permanent damage. Some people are deathly afraid of high places
(acrophobia); simply making them ride in an airplane is torture to
them. Do not think their pain is any less real than someone who gets
stabbed in the arm; it is absolutely as real and often greater in
intensity and duration.
And who said anything about a minute and a half of water-boarding? Did
the government say at some point that they were only using water-
boarding for 1'30" periods or less? I don't believe it. That wouldn't
be very "effective" now, would it? To be effective they must torture
until the person "confesses" or is on the verge of death or permanent
body damage. The idea behind torture is to give someone more pain than
they can handle, and not a drop less. Torture has nothing to do with
permanent body damage; torture may be inflicted via the body but its
goal is pain, and pain is in the mind. And the trouble with using a
torture technique that inflicts permanent body damage is that you can
only do it *once*; once used, you can't permanently damage the same
part of the body in the same way again, can you? An arm once cut off
is cut off; you cannot cut it off again--at least, not with the same
level of resultant pain. (You could reattach it and then cut if off,
but it's going to come off rather quickly, and the nerves won't be as
well attached or numerous so there won't be as much pain, and so
on...) In fact, it is the torture techniques that do *not* seriously
damage the body that are the most effective at delivering pain because
the body remains healthy enough to supply the brain and CNS with
enough oxygen, blood and nutrients it needs to go right on torturing
the mind of the individual. Once these resources drop to low-enough
levels (as they can for serious, permanent injuries) the subject
begins to lose consciousness. Ask yourself a question: Can you torture
an *unconscious* person? The answer is No.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Attacks by aircraft
Things are not the same in the United States and China. It is true
that there are gangsters in both countries, and in both countries I am
attacked; but the level of attacks has been heretofore (and still is)
much worse in America than in China. I attribute this to the distinct
possibility that the American government is run by the mafia (as has
been mentioned before in this blog). While in America, I had
experienced some attacks by aircraft. I actually saw a helicopter
follow me and circle above me; and also I can tell from the nature of
the attacks. The weapon they use is a line-of-sight weapon, and some
attacks are only possible from directly or nearly directly above me. I
now believe that this is what happened on the "night of 180
shots" (see a previous blog entry). They tried it again on September
14 (I think--could be a day or two before or after; I've been so busy!)
from approximately 9:35pm to 10:15pm. The aircraft (don't know if it's
a plane, helicopter, or other) followed above the bus I was in as it
traveled from Guomao (Bus 938, Dabeiyao stop) across the Jing Tong
Expressway to Tong Zhou (Yang Zhuang stop). Such an aircraft and its
flight path should be recorded in some government records somewhere, I
think. At any rate, this time I was prepared for such an attack and
they were not successful.
The thought of somehow being attacked by satellite has occurred to me,
but I think it is most probably not feasible for a variety of reasons.
I believe I was attacked by a plane or other aircraft within our
atmosphere.
Attacker motivation
Some people wonder why some gang would do this to me and others. The
truth is, it's always hard to understand the motivations of people who
do violence and terrible things. Why do they do what they do?
Genetics? I think maybe genetics is involved. Who can really say; the
bottom line is, there are many people in this world who do shocking,
horrible things and all the rest of us can do is sit back and say,
"Why? Why did they do this?" Sadly, there are just too many examples
of this for me to give them all. The truth is, I don't need to prove
to you that my attackers have a rational motive, because many people
are just not rational. It is a tragic world we live in, and every day
brings more unbelievable, irrational, unprovoked, hateful, violent and
vile behavior. The following recent news items are so deplorable that
I hate to even to mention them, and it makes me depressed every time I
read a new one like these (which is just about every day), but I think
it's important to include them.
Woman raped, tortured in West Virginia
Six year old girl raped and hanged
I will let these articles speak for themselves; I am too depressed and
my faith in human nature too shaken for me to add anything of value
right now.
If you think it's only individuals and small groups, then consider the
American government, which rounds up people it suspects of being
terrorists and funnels them off to secret prisons in Europe or sends
them to Guantanamo where they are deprived of basic rights such as the
right to have a lawyer or to see family members or simply the right
not to be tortured. The American government tortures people. And no
government is perfect--every government makes mistakes; so it is
certainly possible that some of the prisoners in Guantanamo are, in
fact, not terrorists. Yet they will be deprived of basic legal rights
and submitted to daily torture which includes sleep deprivation and
which, until recently, apparently used to include simulated drowning:
CIA Bans Water-Boarding in Terror Investigations
Please make sure to read the comments at the end of the abovementioned
article. It is amazing how many people--many of them American citizens,
no doubt--support the use of torture as a means to an end. Many
Americans still believe that "the ends justify the means." America was
supposed to be about freedom, about democracy; what happened, America?
Torture is the very worst thing--the very worst thing--that you can do
to a human being. Unlike anything else in this world, it is designed
expressly to give a human being pain. Murder has the express intent of
killing someone, with pain as a side-effect; but with torture pain is
the goal, and all the technology and knowledge gained by mankind over
the years of its existence is put towards attaining this hideous goal.
The stated goal by the government may be to "break a terrorist" and
make him confess; but the weapons of torture know nothing about
confessions, truth or lies. They are designed with one and only one
specification: that of inflicting the maximal amount of pain and
suffering on an individual. Compared to torture, death is a "stubbed
toe," a triviality.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Physical update: more of the "plasma" stuff. It seems to just be a
very powerful beam that heats the air to such a point that it turns
into plasma, making it difficult to breathe. The interesting thing is
that at about the same time I noticed they were doing this again, I
hear this "droning" noise in my bathroom that is coming from the
bathroom in the apartment either directly below mine or next to mine.
This droning, or humming, noise is quite loud and seems to set up some
vibrations in the air: I notice that when I stand in certain places in
my bathroom, I can't hear it, and in other places I can hear it quite
well. So a possibility here is that this device, whatever it is, is
setting up some standing waves, with antinodes where the sound is loud
and nodes where the waves cancel and the noise cannot be heard. It's
very strange.
TI tips
I am very short of cash right now. But one thing I want to purchase is
a video camera; and I feel now that this is a necessity for all TIs.
If you are a TI, here's something that you could do: film yourself
while you are sleeping, while you are at home, and while you are out
and about. Bring a video camera everywhere and just tape your body's
reaction to the weapon attacks so that others' could at least see the
reaction our bodies have. Post the video on the Internet on your
website.
You see, one problem for TI is proving anything; the nature of these
weapons in some way makes the use of them the perfect crime. How can I
prove that "beams" or "waves" are coming through my walls? It sounds
futuristic and crazy, and most of all, indeed how do I prove it? With
my beam detector? I wish there was such a thing. If such a device does
exist, and it's affordable, and we could take the results to the
police, that would indeed be wonderful. But at present I know of no
such detection device.
Monday, September 10, 2007
These criminals are a threat to everyone
Recently someone asked me a question regarding whether the
perpetrators of these crimes were Chinese or American. In America,
they were American; here in Beijing, for the most part they are
Chinese. At least, it is Chinese men who are making threatening
gestures at me such as mafia hit signs and the like. But I have no
doubt that any animosity toward me is at the urging of American
criminals. After all, I lived in America for almost 40 years and was
tortured for 20; it is just recently that I have come to China. The
problem started in America and continues because gangsters in America
deem it fit to have their associates in Beijing continue the madness.
And madness it is. I want to stress that the perpetrators are not
simply hurting me. I wrote last time about their attacking me on the
bus ride home from Guomao to Tong Zhou. In order to "see" my nose and
face well on a bus full of people, they need some kind of heat-sensing
camera. I have read about active, microwave-based systems used for
this purpose, and my best guess is that it is this (or some similar
technology) that they are using at full power. The result is that when
I get on a bus, within a few minutes many people around me (on the
bus) start sneezing and coughing, and this persists for as long as I
am on the bus. The criminals are hurting innocent people just so they
can attack me; and of course I consider myself an innocent person as
well.
Moreover, there is the directed-energy weapon itself, a weapon that
fires a shot that can be concentrated and powerful and feel sharp,
like a needle. The aiming and shooting is done by people, not by
machines; and people make mistakes, and a machine for this purpose
would make even more mistakes. If I turn my head suddenly, or the bus
hits a bump, the perpetrators can miss with the weapon; and when they
miss, others end up being shot, especially in a crowded situation like
a bus full of passengers or a sidewalk full of people. I have no idea
if others are actually shot because I cannot "feel" a shot that
misses; but how could it be otherwise? This is a linear, line-of-sight
weapon; and when they miss, this powerful energy shot will keep going
until it hits a living thing, a large block of metal, or the earth.
The bottom line is this: These criminals are willing to risk the
health of innocent bystanders to get what they want. Are you, the
reader, willing to put up with this?
I applaud the Chinese government's continued crackdown on triads and
other gangsters (see this recent article). A key quote from this
article is this: "Many young people have become members of local
secret societies and this is a concern for the whole of society." I
agree completely, and I hope that with efforts like these, one day the
electronic torture of innocent citizens will be stopped.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Watch out for bus attacks
I live in Tong Zhou, a suburb of Beijing. It's a 40-minute drive to
central Beijing, which is where I work. It's too expensive to go by
cab everyday, so I must take a bus. (The subway is also a possibility,
but has several drawbacks: the subway is very crowded and hot, and I
must often walk a long distance or through mud to get home after I get
off the subway.) Lately, the attackers have really stepped up attacks
on me while I am on the bus. They follow the bus in their cars
(virtually surrounding it), each car carrying a DEW weapon with a
heavy payload. Now, the buses are not too wide, so I am always near a
window in some fashion. On the bus there are so many people, that I
often have to stand, and so I am "trapped" on the bus. The fact that
the bus is a level-height, mostly evenly moving vehicle, and that the
attackers are so close, makes it relatively easy for them to target a
TI with accuracy. They can get very close with their cars and fire
again and again at my nose. This is what they did; and of course, it
doesn't help that I am taller than most Chinese and so my nose stands
above the crowd.
But standing or sitting, on a bus they can conveniently follow you in
cars and attack you viciously. The key is this: protect yourself. I
made the mistake of just doing nothing when they first started, and
this was a big error. The problem is, I care about my reputation; in
fact we TIs all need to care about our reputations. We need to try to
be as normal as possible, but alas it is not possible to be completely
normal at all times or perhaps even most of the time. People judge you
by your clothing and by your behavior; I always dress in the nicest
possible fashion (and you should too). But when it comes to behavior,
often the best we can do is to just be nice people while at the same
time "looking weird" because we must protect ourselves from the
attacks by the attackers. Because if we do nothing, our bodies will
surely suffer the consequences.
The nose attacks are the worst because they impede your oxygen intake
while at the same time damaging your body. In Beijing, the buses are
also very crowded and hot, making the available oxygen even less; and
on a hot day (or night) it is worse still. Once the attackers
successfully impede your breathing enough, your good judgment is gone,
and this is the biggest problem of all. If you can't breathe well, you
can't think well, and if you can't think well, you can't make good
decisions. When you're not thinking clearly, the attackers can do all
kinds of bad things to you, and you cannot react in the proper way.
The bottom line is this: on buses (and in in other vehicles travelling
long distances) TIs are particularly vulnerable, especially to nose
attacks. The best way I have found is to simply grab your nose. Grasp
your hand over your nose and put your hand and fingers in the way of
the attacks. Always make sure to have at least one hand free. Two
hands can be even better at protecting your nose while at the same
time allowing breathing. I know I have talked previously about breath
control (useful when you are walking) and breathing over a bottle, you
won't always have a bottle with you, and breath control is difficult
(especially when you are tired), and you need to stop the nose attacks
right away.
Moreover, these "bus attacks" have been particularly "effective" on
the ride home, when I am tired. In fact, one day they did not attack
me at all during the day, but saved their energies (and weapons) for a
vicious attack at night on the ride home when I was very tired and
just wanted to go home. Be ready for this, and save some energy for
the ride home, and make sure to protect your nose right away.
What happened in my case is this: I wasn't expecting the attack, I was
very tired, and for the first ten shots (all powerful), I did nothing.
By the time the thought would have occurred to do something, it was
too late; my body and brain were struggling for oxygen and my mind was
not thinking clearly. I instead just counted the shots, one after the
other: 11, 12, ..., 50, 51, 52, ... and so on. From Dabeiyao station to
Yang Zhuang and then in the little store I went into, they shot me a
total of about 180 times, all in the nose. Finally, I protected my
nose (walking from the bus to the store and inside the store had let
my brain get a little more oxygen so I could think straight). But the
damage was done. That was two days ago, and I have been having
breathing problems since. It feels like the attacks have scarred the
inside mucus layers of my nose, making it difficult to take in air--
making it difficult to breathe. We will see if my situation improves,
but take my advice and (1) be ready for bus attacks, and (2) when they
attack your nose on the bus, protect it right away. In other
situations (e.g., walking, in an office, etc.), you may or may not
need to grab your nose; but on a bus or other evenly moving vehicle,
you are a sitting duck. Watch out.
By the way, I don't recommend that TIs drive a car. They will be
attacking you and that makes you a danger on the road; and there is
also the temptation that you will drive erratically to avoid being
attacked. Just don't drive. It's a shame, I know, but it's for the
best. You don't want to get into an accident or hurt an innocent
person.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
More tips for TIs
1. Using a refrigerator/freezer . So far, this has proven very
helpful, and you may want to try this to ease your pain and prevent
some of the violence being done to you. Note that you should use this
tip with caution and good sense; this is for those who are truly being
viciously, strongly attacked. The directed-energy weapon they use is
in many ways a heat weapon, heating your body (in particular, very
often heating parts of your head); and so cold can really help to
counter some of the effects. Moreover, being in a very cold place may
possibly also make it more difficult for them to see you with the
through-the-wall camera they use. So, this tip could really be a
godsend to you, but remember to use caution and good sense. Don't do
this if you don't need to. But it's another tool you can use to help
prevent some violence and lessen your suffering.
Here is what I did last night. I have a refrigerator/freezer combo.
(In fact, most refrigerators have a freezer as well as the regular
refrigerator part). I was being attacked quite a bit in the head area.
(They almost always attack the nose area to suffocate me, but last
night they were also shooting quite a bit at the left side of my head,
basically attacking my left brain. They have done this before.). I
tried first to sleep with my head in the refrigerator, but this simply
was not cold enough. But the freezer did the trick. The coldness of a
freezer is what you need; I think the refrigeration part will never be
enough. Now, I am lucky because the freezer part of my refrigerator is
on the bottom of the unit, and the refrigeration part is on the top; I
can basically sleep on the floor with my head in the freezer portion
(and with the freezer door open, of course). If you don't have such a
configuration of your fridge, then either buy one that has that, or
else you'll need to pile up mattresses or other secure building blocks
until your body can lie flat with your head in the freezer part.
Now, note that they were shooting me directly in the head; this made
my head considerably hot, and therefore the freezer made me feel
comfortable. They may not be shooting you directly in the head; and if
not, then you may not need to do this, which in some ways is a bit
drastic. What I am saying is this: Be careful. That's all. Don't
freeze your head. If your teeth start to chatter, you are too cold and
need to either put on a cap or get your head out of there and don't
use this. You need to gauge whether or not you need to do this, and if
so, to what extent. So use this tactic to stop the overheating of your
head, to stop the pain, to feel some comfort and relief; but don't
freeze yourself in the process. Use good judgment.
2. Breathing around a water bottle. I talked before about breath
control, about breathing in through the nose and out through the
mouth. But here is another tip that may be easier: put a water bottle
in your mouth (could be empty) and keep it there while you breathe.
You know, the bottle that bottled water comes in. Put your lips to the
opening of the bottle (no need to drink); the air will come out of
your nose and flow around the neck of the bottle. You can still
breathe, but it may make it difficult for the attackers to "see" your
nostrils (the hot air is being diverted).
I have lots of ideas, but no time to try them. It occurred to me that
a metal storage shed, provided you have proper cooling and
ventilation, might be very helpful. I remember when I lived in America
a company called General Steel (or something like that) that would
actually build you a shed or warehouse to your specifications (don't
know how expensive). I'm pretty sure you can also buy prefabricated
metal garden sheds and such. Anyway, you could try it; I've never
tried it. You probably need a good AC unit, but you want to avoid
windows because of course they can "see" and shoot right through them.
Psychological tips
Your mindset is very important. You need to "keep it together," so to
speak. So these tips are very important. Anyway, I hope you find some
of this information useful. Although these tips are just about
"thinking" and "thoughts," if they help to reduce your pain, they're
useful, right?
Separation of mind and body
Have you ever asked the question, What are you? Not who are you, but
what? Are you your body? This sounds silly and weird, but hear me out.
You are not your body. How do I know? Well, if you lose a finger in an
accident, do you stop being you? What about if you lose an arm? Of
course not--you are still "you", whatever that is. The bottom line is,
we are not our bodies. Our bodies are a shell. Your body is a shell.
You are some tiny, tiny part of your body. My belief is that each of
us is actually the tiniest possible particle somewhere in a key
location inside our brains, and that our brains give us
"consciousness" and our bodies give us a "shell" to interact with the
world, but "we"--these tiny bits that are us--are actually
indestructible and eternal. At any rate, whatever you think of as
"you", it must be pretty small, even smaller than your brain, if you
think about it logically.
So here's the bottom line: the attackers may attack and destroy your
body, but your body is just a shell. It really is. If you do not take
it all too seriously (I know what they are doing is serious and
awful), then your pain will decrease. In this world, we all grow old
and we all die eventually--even the attackers. The difference is we TIs
die with our consciences intact. We may not live as long, but we live
and die with honor. There's something to be said for that. Longevity
isn't everything. I hope that thinking about some of these issues
helps to bring you peace and reduce your pain.
Blank your mind
Sometimes your mind will become overcrowded with self-destructive
thoughts. You might be walking past someone sneering at you, giving
you the "mafia hit sign" and so on. Thoughts rush violently into your
mind--either thoughts of intense fear or intense hatred and violence.
None of these thoughts will do you any good. Fear doesn't do you any
good--it just makes you feel miserable and doesn't change anything; it
won't make them leave you alone or make you any safer. And if you act
on your rage and attack them you will end up in jail. Sometimes you
just need to turn off all your thoughts. Just blank your mind. You can
do it. Of course, you cannot do it forever, or even longer than a few
minutes, and you shouldn't want to or need to. Being able to blank
your mind (stop your thoughts) for 30 seconds is usually more than
sufficient. Often just ten seconds is enough. This is a good trick to
learn. Use it when you start to feel overwhelmed by fear and anger.
Learn to detect when you are starting to be overwhelmed by thoughts of
fear and anger and then turn all thoughts off for a moment. This
really helps.
New poem
Hope you don't mind me talking a bit about myself and my own life. I
think some people might be interested, and they might also like to
read some positive things in addition to the important but sobering
material. I wrote my first poem in Chinese. Actually, it's a
translation of my poem The Moon and I had quite a bit of help from my
handheld electronic translator! So I guess I should share credit with
this device.
This poem has an interesting history. When I took my Chinese
Literature class at the university some years ago now, I really
enjoyed reading poetry from the ancient Chinese text The Book of
Songs. I decided to write a poem in a similar style, but in English.
And I did--it's called The Moon and you can find it on the poetry
section of this website. But now I'm in China and learning Chinese, so
what could be more appropriate than to translate this poem into
Chinese? And believe it or not, by imitating the style in English, it
in fact made it easier to translate this poem into Chinese. Now, I
know this translation isn't perfect, but I think it's not too bad for
my first attempt. Here it is as a Word file.
High school picture
This is me at 18 years of age, still in high school. This is also
basically how I looked at 19 and in my first year of community
college, when the attackers first started attacking me. Does this look
like the face of a bad guy? Do I really look like some kind of threat
to anyone? How could they send the goons in to harass and intimidate
me? This is something I will never understand. What a pity.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Found some good links that I think are worth sharing. Here's one that
echoes many of my sentiments about what is going on:
End the Silent Holocaust
And here are some links regarding a plan by the US government to
actually "commit acts of terrorism in U.S. cities" to further its
military goals; of course it makes you wonder if that's what happened
with 9/11.
US Military Wanted to Provoke War With Cuba
Operation Northwoods
And here's a link that again ties together the mafia and the US
government.
Italy Probe Unearths Huge Iraq Arms Deal
Wednesday, August 22, 2006
On a mountain
I went to a lovely mountain here in Beijing called Xiang Shan
(fragrant mountain). It really was wonderful. As predicted, the bad
guys can do much less up in the mountains. It's just not convenient
for them. The most wonderful thing, though, was going down the
mountain on a cable car. It was so beautiful, so peaceful. The bad
guys took some shots at me while I was in the cable car but it was all
small stuff, relatively speaking. It was, for the most part, so
peaceful and wonderful. It's a slow trip down the mountainside,
suspended above the mountain, with the wind blowing and a certain
quiet or stillness all around. A deep peace and calm came over me.
Other TIs know what I'm talking about--there are so few times when we
have peace, that we must treasure the times that we do. I think
getting back to nature is a wonderful thing, especially for TIs.
The medical side of human experimentation
I've mentioned before that I think much of what happens to TIs boils
down to experimentation. But this was in the context of testing
weapons for the sake of using them as weapons. There is yet another
side to the DEW weapons experimentation, and that is how it relates to
medical research. The DEW weapons are basically radiation weapons, and
radiation plays a key role in medical research and in the treatment of
many diseases, including cancer. You may never have wondered about all
those radiation treatments that people get these days in the hospital,
but those "tools" had to be tested on somebody. And cancer is a big
problem, and nobody wants to die of cancer. It seems to me that there
are people who are willing to sacrifice the innocent in order to make
sure they have every weapon against cancer and other diseases.
Now, don't get me wrong. I hate cancer. My father died of cancer. I
wish we could indeed find a cure for cancer. But not by experimenting
on innocent people who have not volunteered for such experimentation.
Not by using innocent human beings as guinea pigs. It all boils down
to that misguided philosophy that the ends justify the means. In fact,
the ends do not, and never will, justify the means. The ends here are
good: curing cancer. The means here are not: torturing and maiming
innocent people in order to get research data. The former does not
justify the latter. I remember seeing a movie some years ago called
Extreme Measures that had a similar subject matter; I think it is
particularly relevant here.
You might wonder how using a DEW weapon could possibly relate to
medical experimentation. The fact is, the output of the weapon is a
radiation beam. Such a beam could be made very similar to a beam used
in treating patients with cancer. It's a strange way to do testing, to
be sure. It's very unconventional: the subject is not in a controlled
setting like a laboratory, and most of all the subjects have not
volunteered for this. But the researchers will take this data any way
they can get it, because no one is going to volunteer for this.
"Wait," you say. "There are people dying of cancer every day. Of
course they will volunteer for something that could save their lives."
Indeed, they would, they can and they do. But they are not enough. Let
me explain.
First of all, the people who are dying of cancer already have cancer.
If you want to test a new tool for its ability to prevent cancer, you
need to test it on someone who doesn't already have cancer. But there
is an even more fundamental reason why innocent people are
experimented on: limit testing.
The Limit People
As human beings, we are always testing our limits. In fact, that's
what the Olympics are all about: testing the limits of human beings to
see who is the strongest, the fastest, who can lift the most weight,
and so on. It's why we have the Guiness Book of World Records. It's
one reason we explore space and try to reach Mars and beyond. It is
also of paramount importance when it comes to medical research. Have
you ever wondered: How do doctors know how much radiation to give a
cancer patient? How do they know how much radiation will be safe, and
how much would be harmful? Obviously, the doctors and scientists who
invented these radiation devices had to do some limit testing, but the
question is--on who?
No one can deny that chimpanzees share 98% of our DNA, but still, we
are not chimps, and in the end, new medical inventions must be tested
on people before they can be widely used. Researchers need to know:
How much is too much? Unfortunately, there's only one real way to
answer this question: to do "too much" to someone. By too much, I mean
that the "experimentee" is going to get hurt. Of course, no one is
going to volunteer to be these "limit men and women." I believe this
is one major reason why innocent civilians are experimented on. Sure,
some cancer patient in a hospital could volunteer, but even after
signing a consent form, there is this ugly thing called lawsuits. With
"un-volunteers" such as myself and others, experimenters need not
worry about lawsuits. The bottom line is, the researchers are going to
have to "go too far"--they're going to have to hurt someone--in order to
know how much is too much.
I have read several times, but have not confirmed, that there are
actually no laws in America against experimenting on citizens with DEW
or other electronic weapons. And this may be true in other countries
as well. If so, it is a sad indictment of the human race and the state
of the world.
TIs: Do not give away test results
So, if you are a TI, and you want to discourage the government from
harming you and other TIs, then don't give away test results. What do
I mean? I mean, when they hurt you, don't talk about it. Don't talk
out loud; they have your apartment bugged and probably also your
workplace. Just don't talk about the results out loud; keep it to
yourself, in your mind. Certainly, you can talk about what they did,
as in "Last night they shot me in the right leg." But don't say, "And
now I can't walk anymore," or "It hurts a bit, but I think it's all
right." That is the data they are looking for. Don't give them this
data.
I remember when I first became a TI--when they first started
experimenting on me and harming me. I would run to the emergency room
every time. This was just what they wanted--now they had blood tests
and other tests that they could use. And of course, I would explain
the detailed results to the physician on duty as well. The question
is, where did this get me? Absolutely nowhere. First of all, some
physicians (I'm sorry to say) are beholden to the mob. But even the
"uninvolved" doctors have not had training to understand victims of
DEW weapons. They cannot possibly diagnose or treat the problem, and
most will be inclined to discredit what the TI says as "mental
illness." I do not blame them for not believing--for anyone unfamiliar
with these weapons and the people who use them, it is indeed difficult
to believe.
If you are bleeding and it is truly an emergency and you think that
doctors can help you, then go ahead and run to the hospital and spill
your guts. But in my twenty years of being a victim, I can honestly
tell you that doctors have never been able to do anything, and in
fact, you are just giving the bad guys the test results that they so
badly want, and helping to continue this travesty of justice against
innocent men and women. Most permanent injuries from these weapons are
internal and difficult to diagnose and could be mistaken as being
something else. In my experience, going to the doctor has never helped
to physically treat the problem or injury, and has never helped to
expose what the perpetrators do or bring them to justice. So try not
to talk about or write about or in any way reveal (other than in your
own thoughts) the results of what the bad guys do. I know this is hard
but I think it's very important.
Monday, August 20, 2007
I have a dream too
I am constantly tortured and my body maimed; is it surprising that
under those circumstances I sometimes let anger get the best of me and
lose my temper? Still I try to work harder and harder every day at
staying calm. I know that I am no Martin Luther King or Gandhi. These
people are my heroes; I cannot expect to walk in their footsteps. I am
inspired by them and want to be like them; and I am doing my best to
follow their examples.
Everyone knows MLK's incredible I have a dream speech. It is inspiring
to this day. I know that I am no Martin Luther King, but I thought I
would try to put my own thoughts into this framework that he so
eloquently laid out. King was fighting a battle for equality and human
rights for all, but in particular for African Americans. We "targeted
individuals" are also fighting a battle for human rights--for the right
not to be tortured, maimed, and experimented on. In that vein, here is
my own (much poorer) I have a dream speech:
* * *
I have a dream that one day democracy will be a reality. I have a
dream that one day people will be judged by the content of their
character and not by their "good standing" with, and membership in,
this criminal organization. I have a dream that one day it will be
enough simply to be a good citizen--of America, of China, of whatever
country you are in--with no need to be on "good terms" with the
perpetrators. I have a dream that one day this criminal organization
will no longer exist. I have a dream that one day, the world will
realize it doesn't need this criminal organization, it doesn't need a
secret gang, secret connections, "back doors", and other "benefits"
that the perpetrators may offer because the world will finally realize
that the detriments far outweigh the benefits. I have a dream that one
day all human beings will be motivated most of all not by pragmatic
self interest--concerned only with their own circle of family and
friends--but by a devotion to all people, to the rule of law, and to a
general sense of fairness.
* * *
I look around me and see perpetrators and I do not like what I see. I
see a teenager in the Internet cafe, just now, purposely flicking his
finger on the left side of his node and staring at me menacingly, to
intimidate me. Everyday I see them, with their burning hatred and fear
behind their eyes, with their violence and intimidation; and I think
to myself, "Is what they expect me to be a part of? Is this something
I would ever want to be a part of? Why would I ever want to join such
a group as this, and why would they think I would ever even consider
joining?" I look around me and I see depravity and cowardice--but not
people whom I would ever want to call my friends.
It's true that with all their magic "DEW weapon" violence, I don't get
much sleep. But what may be surprising to many readers is this: the
sleep I get is always peaceful sleep, because I always have a clear
conscience. I guess I am one of those rare people who has a conscience--
a real one, that actually stops you from doing bad things, and not a
"fake" one that just says "too bad" while you go ahead and do the
wrong action anyway. And I am glad to have a conscience, and wouldn't
trade it in a million years for all the gold in the world or for
"being in good graces" with the criminals. A clear conscience just
feels good. And it's something that the perpetrators, with their
fingers on their noses and their DEW weapons, can never buy, not even
with a stack of $100 bills as tall as the sky.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Looking back/Attitude
I've been thinking a lot lately about how life used to be for me in
the United States (I'm in China now), and I can't help thinking how
selfish I was. What did I do? I studied, I worked hard at school, I
watched movies, read books. It all seemed the right thing to do at the
time, but now I look back and it seems a waste to me. I wasn't doing
the one thing I should have been doing: working to make the world a
better place and helping fellow TIs (targeted individuals). I wasn't
trying to be selfish, but in fact that's what my lack of appropriate
action amounted to. It's a different life for me now. I live not just
for myself but for other TIs and for making the world a better place.
I think if all TIs took this attitude, it would really make a great
difference. If TIs never speak out, how will the world ever change?
Another thing that has helped my attitude now is three words. I am
trying these days to always keep these three words in my mind: hearts
and minds. Those might seem like funny words to focus on, but in fact
that's what we TIs need to be fighting for: for the hearts and minds
of others. We need to keep that in mind always so that we conduct
ourselves well. I guess this idea stems from two personal heroes of
mine, Martin Luther King and Gandhi. We should all be so lucky to be
as wise--and as effective--as these two great leaders. They knew that
the battle was not one of violence and physical might but rather a
battle for hearts and minds. Being violent, getting angry and fighting
are actually the easier things to do, and are more in line with our
natural (primitive) tendencies. It is not easy to suppress these
tendencies, which are very natural when people are hurting us--
physically or emotionally--without due cause, but it is what we must
do.
Fear
You may wonder how all of the evil described on this website (and
others) could go on at all, let alone continue to go on (as it has)
for many years. I believe the answer lies in fear. I think fear is
perhaps the worst human emotion. Truly some fear is necessary: If you
are at the foot of a mountain, and you see a big boulder at the top of
the mountain starting to roll down, a quick dose of fear is just what
you need to get you to move out of the way and avoid being flattened.
The problem, however, is that most fear is irrational rather than
rational. And some (most?) people are simply controlled by their fear.
It is a sad fact of human nature that with many people--if not most--
if you simply give them enough fear, they will do whatever you want. I
believe this is the very phenomenon that made possible the
ostracization and murder of millions of Jews during World War II. The
"jump on the hate-the-Jews bandwagon" happened not merely in Germany
(as if that weren't enough) but also in the countries which Germany
conquered. The non-Jews in these countries had a choice: hate (and
help destroy) the Jewish population of your country, or face the wrath
of the Third Reich. The key thing, is, it is a choice; we always have
choices. But many of the people who "jumped on the bandwagon" said
something to the effect that they had no choice. In fact, we always
have choices. But these people were controlled by their fear. It is
the same process I have seen with abused wives. Their husband wants to
control them, own them; so he doesn't something unthinkable--say,
burns their arms. Then whenever they look at their arms, they have a
constant reminder of fear. Many of these women are now "controlled" by
their fear--afraid to do anything to upset their husbands. In fact,
they are indeed "owned," when instead they should be fighting the
incredible evil that did this to them. Even when others would be
willing to help them, they will not seek help from others, because
they are controlled by their fear. This is a problem with human
nature, and this is how criminal organizations become powerful.
But fear is not merely in victims. It is in the perpetrators as well.
I see it on their faces. Fear has many masks. TIs should always bear
this in mind. An unnatural smile, smirk or laughter is a mask for
fear; and anger and violence of any kind always mask fear. You might
wonder that if the perpetrators have all this fear, why do they attack
people in the first place? Because they fear not attacking as well.
They fear what other people think. They fear about their reputation.
They fear about everything. Why experiment on people? Because of fear.
They fear that if they don't, another group/country will do so and
have an advantage. Why attack this individual? Because they fear that
if they don't, ... (fill in the blank). You get the idea. If you are a
TI, and you keep in mind that what the bad guys do is all fear based,
it will make it easier for you to deal with the intended harassment
and intimidation. As a TI, you must learn to control your fear, or it
will control you.
Pain/Coping for TIs
One thing that was mentioned under Attitude above was living to help
others. If you live to help other TIs, it takes the focus off your own
life and in fact will make you less likely to feel sorry for yourself
or get depressed. You will also become more effective at helping to
put an end to this injustice that affects not only you but others as
well. You are not alone. You should always know that as well. The bad
guys try to isolate us from one another, but as the websites show,
there are many of us out there--too many to ignore forever, I hope.
You will have to fight the battle against pain and win, if you have
not already. I hope that I can help you in this regard, as I have been
down that horrible road and made it through. First we need to talk
about what pain is.
It may surprise you to know that there is no "pain weapon". The bad
guys cannot, I repeat, cannot give you pain--not directly, and that's
extremely important. Know this: pain comes from within you--from your
own brain. It is your own brain's response to outer stimuli (the
weapon attacks) that causes pain. The criminals cannot give you pain;
they can only attack your body, and in turn your body (your brain)
sends signals that give you pain. This is a natural response: When you
put your hand on a stove that is on and getting hotter and hotter, a
pain signal will cause you to remove your hand from the stove and
avoid damage. The problem is when there is nothing you can do to stop
the harm to your body. With these criminal attacks, there is often
nothing you can do to completely stop the attacks, so your body goes
on giving you pain--more and more and more pain as the attacks
continue in frequency and potency. The body doesn't understand that
there is nothing you can do, and you end up being tortured by pain.
This can get to a point where the body "turns against the mind," so to
speak--subjecting you (the mind) to incredible pain for damage to your
body that you simply cannot avoid or stop. Some things may happen: You
may "hear" voices telling you things--that you're no good, that you're
a loser, etc. This is the subconscious mind calling the conscious mind
(you) names. Many TIs report hearing voices, and think that the bad
guys are "beaming" voices into their skulls. The latter may or may not
be possible, but I do know that in many cases this is simply an
unfortunate byproduct of an incredible amount of pain and violence
being done to a body that really, really wants to make it stop and is
doing whatever it can to make you, the conscious mind in charge, make
it stop. You can tell the difference: If these insulting "voices"
never overlap with your own "mental voice" (the voice you hear when
you think thoughts), then it is likely that the voice is simply coming
from you (from your subconscious).
The second thing that may happen is that you become extremely
depressed, even contemplating suicide, because of the unrelenting,
hideous amount of pain that you are in. I have something that will
help in these extreme circumstances. Whenever you are in so much pain
that you simply cannot take it for one more second, that you are truly
ready to go jump out the window or take other means to commit suicide,
then do this: Hold your breath until the pain stops. That's right,
hold your breath. The truth is, your brain cannot continue to go on
torturing you (giving you severe pain) while at the same time being
deprived of oxygen. Your subconscious brain--your hind brain, the
ancient reptilian part of your brain which is torturing the living
*** out of you for something you can't stop--will have to back down.
Always. Now, that said, holding your breath is not something I
recommend you do on a frequent, regular basis. It is something to do
when you can't take it any longer and you are about to jump out the
window. Don't jump out the window. Hold your breath. Stop holding your
breath when the pain subsides (it will).
My own life
I hope that other TIs do not measure the effectiveness of what I
recommend by the length of my life. I am trying to give others the
benefit of knowledge that has taken me twenty years to accumulate. My
hope is that you will avoid or at least mitigate the hopeless and
despair that I once had to go through. At times I simply "took it"--I
just sat there in bed, in misery, in torture, and let the criminals do
the most unimaginable torture and destruction to my body because I
couldn't cope. But now that you know some of the tips I'm giving you
on this website, you don't have to do this. So anyway, if I die young,
just bear in mind it is not necessarily a byproduct of bad ideas but
the result of not having the good ideas soon enough. My advice to you:
ever give up hope, know that you are not alone in this situation, and
do whatever it takes (short of something illegal or immoral) to
protect yourself. If you won't do whatever it takes, you must take
whatever they do. I hope my advice hear will help you to better
protect yourself and most of all to ease your suffering.
Death, torture and breathing
This should not be a surprise to most people: torture is worse than
death. It's not even a close call. Death is death: it's over. As far
as we know, no more pain. Your religious beliefs may dictate
otherwise, but those who have had close calls with death consistently
report a feeling of peace. Death is final, ending; but torture goes on
and on and on--a neverending misery. Those who are not TIs and who
have never been systematically and daily tortured cannot fully
understand and appreciate the deep, wretching despair. Use the mental
and physical tips I have given here to stop the torture, to
drastically reduce the pain.
It may seem strange that the technique that can shut-off the pain in
an emergency-- holding your breath--is also the very technique that
the perpetrators use to torture you (suffocating you by shooting your
nose with the weapon). But of course there is a huge difference: You
hold your breath when you want to, and the criminals try to suffocate
you whenever they want to. In fact, your body wants to live, and you
want to live (or should). You therefore want, the vast majority of the
time, to breathe. I have been attacked in every conceivable way and in
every conceivable place on my body, and I can tell you that, hands
down, the very worst attack is suffocation. Everything else is not
even close in terms of pain. I am not talking about destruction; I am
simply talking about pain. For pain, nothing is worse than fighting
for each and every breath. That is why I say to you: protect your
breath. Protect your breathing. Protect your breathing. It is the most
important thing of all, and the one thing more than anything else that
will keep your pain at manageable levels.
During the day, you can try the breathe-out-through-the-mouth trick
(described in an earlier entry) and a trick I will describe now to
stop the vast majority of suffocation attacks. This other trick is
simple, but it's important that you know it: cover your nose with your
hand or hands. Use one hand or both hands for more effectiveness. For
maximum effectiveness, take off your glasses (if you're wearing some)
and make your hands extend over your nose and eyes, because often they
will shoot at an angle very close to your eyes in order to get to your
nose. You can often protect well with just one hand using this method.
Practice makes perfect here. If you cover your nose while breathing
out, you will block their ability to see the heat output and/or send
the hot air (coming out of your nostrils) this way and that as it
winds through your fingers, making it quite difficult for them to
"see" the source. Between breath control and covering, you can stop
the suffocation to an amazing degree during the day.
During the night: Well, for one thing, get outside. Get into a tent. I
have been sleeping outside in a tent now for five days or so and in
terms of suffocation, things have been much, much better than when I
was in the apartment. So get in a tent, and when you sleep, put a hand
under your nose and maybe slightly around it. Make sure you can
breathe just fine, but that also the air coming out of your nose hits
your hand on the way out. You may have to experiment with hand
position to learn the best way. If you have an idea of the direction
from which they are shooting at you, that can help you to decide not
only how to protect your nose but also how to position your body and
head when you sleep. Actually, camping out is kind of fun anyway, and
we TIs need to make the best out of a bad situation.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
All kinds of amazing stuff has been going on. There's so much to say.
Whew.
Someone's been tampering with my email. I was expecting a very
important email from a friend. I was waiting for that friend to let me
know when he mailed me a package from America (I am living in China).
He sent me that email on July 27. I just found it yesterday, August 8,
in my email, and in chronological order as if it came right after the
previous email from my friend, and shaded as if I (or someone else, I
guess) had already seen it. There's no way I saw this email before,
and *I* certainly did not change its status from unread to read. (I
have a degree in computer science; I'm not a dummy when it comes to
computer-related things.) Anyway, because of this, the package
delivery was already attempted--on August 3rd. I'm trying now to
arrange another delivery attempt. But this whole thing is very
suspicious. The package contained some books and CDs.
I know I said before that I thought they were gassing me. They might
have done that at times; I can't be sure. But it's possible that, in
fact, what they have been doing is not "gas" per se. I've had some
recent experiences that have led me to conclude that, at least some
times, they are not directly pumping gas into the air. I was outside
on my balcony with three fans going and still there was a "gas" in the
air, still I could not get enough oxygen. From what I have read from
several Web sources (and remember reading about long ago), it appears
that what they may have been doing is ionizing the air, or creating a
plasma. Now you must forgive my rusty and bad physics; for a guy
against whom physics is used as a weapon, I really should have studied
physics at the university! But if you've been reading my blog here,
you know that I was living in denial and trying to appease them. I
really have been a fool.
Anyway, it appears that with enough "energy" you can actually ionize
the air, creating a plasma effect. If memory serves me, plasma has
been called a fourth state of matter, something between a solid and
gas. I believe this is what they did to me on the balcony. Again, I
don't know the physics, but somehow either the oxygen molecules are
being destroyed, made unusable, or "crowded out" during this process.
Also there appears to be a huge "fallout" from this beam. My
understanding of directed energy beams is that you have the main
target you are focusing on, and then some additional area around the
target that (albeit with less energy) also gets hit. Well, you're not
gonna believe this, and you just have to trust me, but I have been
cleaning up one dead thing after another at my apartment. There has
been a dead bird, a dead lizard, and many dead bugs just lying not too
far from where I've been sleeping. I have not seen this effect before.
Moreover, the common hallway in the apartment building, where the
staircase is, has huge yellow discolorations that appeared overnight!
I am telling you that these were not here before. And they are
*exactly* in line vertically and horizontally with the spots where I
was laying my head that night on the balcony. These discolorations
seem to be mostly within the area of the top ceiling of the apartment
that is below (not directly, but diagonally) mine.
Needless to say, I've been getting out of the house. I'm beginning to
believe that is the best course of action for Targeted Individuals
(TIs) such as myself. I have a tent and I am using it. I recommend to
all TIs to buy a tent and go sleep in the mountains or other "roughing
it" area. Don't sleep at a campground because campgrounds have
electricity and other resources that make it much easier for the bad
guys to power weapons with which to attack you. But in any event,
don't sleep in your apartment. It's just too easy for them to get an
apartment or two next to yours, bring in some powerful weapons and
starting attacking you.
But a good question is, Why is it so easy for them to get an apartment
next to a TIs apartment? I've been thinking about that question a lot
lately. I believe that the bad guys are involved in the government
(see earlier blog for remark by radio talk show host who said the
mafia are running America), but I had not given too much thought to
the corrupt exploitation of government power. Other TIs (e.g., see
http://www.harassment101.com) have commented that corrupt members of
the government present phony files and false information to landlords
and other people involved in the life of a TI in order to get what
they want. In other words, they present a bunch of lies about an
innocent TI, pretending the TI is a terrorist or who knows what. (I
have no idea what they say. I suppose they could fabricate any kind of
story.) It all reminds of the first time I was suffocated to "gasping
wakefulness" by their weapon. It was in Denver in January of 1992, I
think. I woke up gasping and realizing I had not been breathing for
several minutes. I actually called 911 and went in an ambulance to a
hospital. Because of street theater that had also been going on at
this time (strangers in cars would drive by me as I walked to work,
honking their car horns, shouting at me and giving hateful stares,
etc.), I thought I was being gassed and suspected the tenant above me.
So I went to see the landlord and, I realize now, I got a bit of luck:
The young girl who was working there looked up the tenant in her book
(a brand new tenant) and told me the book showed the new tenant worked
for the FBI. Yeah, no ***, the FBI. I talked to him on occasion and
remember that he told me his name was Scott. I remember thinking that
I didn't trust this guy, that he seemed like he was no good. Anyway,
the important thing now is, I think maybe the government said to my
landlords, "This guy is a terrorist/murderer/rapist/who-the-heck-knows
and you have to let us put a man in the apartment above him." It just
seems awfully coincidental that right before I get the first full
suffocation attack, I get a new tenant above me who works for the FBI.
I mean, they might just have powerful connections and know people and
not need to go to the trouble to present false papers and such, but
then again, they might indeed need to do this. They can't own
everyone. The sad fact is, I never thought to actually even ask any of
my landlords in all the 20 years of torture I endured in the US if
anyone from the goverment ever talked to them about me. It doesn't
hurt to ask. The government could make them swear secrecy, I suppose,
saying "This guy is a terrorist; if you tell him we'll arrest you and
put you in jail." But maybe at least a few landlords would be brave
and have a conscience.
A sobering thought
Another thought has been dominating my mind recently, and it is a very
sobering one. The question is, What is a TI, really, and why would any
organization do this? A TI means a targeted individual, yes, but why
would someone target these individuals. I had always thought up to
this time that the motivation was that the perpetrators thought "I
knew too much" or fear or vengeance over some horrible girl who lived
in New Mexico. (That's a long story. To make a long story short: I met
a girl. She was rude; I yelled at her over the phone [no curse words,
not the end of the world]. I regretted it; thought I loved her [I was
young and dumb]. She got evil and nasty and hateful and made many
hangup calls, death threats, etc., and soon I move away to another
state and somehow she's there too, riding with many strangers in cars
who are honking their horns at me and following me, screaming out the
window at me, and I'm being suffocated in my own at night, and so on.)
But now think about it for a minute: If I knew something, then why not
just kill me? If I really was a threat to this girl, why bring her up
to a different US state to where I was? Why make her follow me?
Wouldn't that just put her in more danger, if I really was a threat to
her? If it's vengeance, then again why not kill or physically attack
or something else. Why the continued electronic torture?
And here's where the sobering thoughts come. The fact is, to follow me
everywhere I go, do street theater, put people in the apartments next
to me no matter where I live, all this amounts to basically mobilizing
an army against me; whether or not the army is a gangster army is
irrelevant. The bottom line is that it can only be achieved with great
effort and at great cost. The weapons themselves must consume a lot of
energy and be expensive to use and maintain, and they fire these
weapons not only in the neighboring apartments but also apparently
from cars in the street. I remember when I first got to China; the
attacks were few and mild. The army had not been mobilized yet. Here's
the thing: To "target an individual," to do all that is done to TIs,
is an incredibly expensive and time-consuming task. Why go to all this
trouble, when there are much cheaper and quicker ways to protect, get
revenge, or silence someone? I think perhaps the truth is that, in
fact, it doesn't make any sense. Even if this criminal organization is
secretly running America, they cannot mobilize an army against every
single person they are afraid of, against everyone they think might
know something, against everyone that offends them; there just
wouldn't be enough room for all the "attacking" cars on the streets,
for instance. If two TIs walked down the same street, you'd have
scenarios where "beams would cross" or cars might even get in the way
of each other. The bottom line is, there are too many potential people
"who might know something" or "might do something the perpetrators
don't like" to mobilize an army against them, follow them, attack them
day and night, and so on. No way.
It appears more and more convincing to me everyday now that the only
plausible reason for an organization to spend this kind of money and
effort on this is for purposes of human experimentation. I believe my
father (who died at 42) was experimented on before I was born, and
after he died I believe I was chosen as another human guinea pig. The
rest of it--the "what do you know", the hateful girl, etc., I think is
probably just misdirection, to take the spotlight off a very shameful
secret: the American government conducts weapon experiments on a
handful of innocent, unsuspecting citizens around the world. Here is
an interesting article from a couple of years ago on directed-energy
weapons. Of particular interest to me is the following quote:
The directed-energy component in the project is the Active Denial
System, developed by Air Force researchers and built by Raytheon Co.
It produces a millimeter-wavelength burst of energy that penetrates
1/64 of an inch into a person's skin, agitating water molecules to
produce heat. The sensation is certain to get people to halt whatever
they are doing.
Military investigators say decades of research have shown that the
effect ends the moment a person is out of the beam, and no lasting
damage is done as long as the stream does not exceed a certain
duration. How long? That answer is classified, but it apparently is in
the realm of seconds, not minutes. The range of the beam also is
secret, though it is said to be further than small arms fire, so an
attacker could be repelled before he could pull a trigger.
The interesting quote for me is, "Military investigators say decades
of research have shown that the effect ends the moment a person is out
of the beam, and no lasting damage is done as long as the stream does
not exceed a certain duration." Really--decades of research? On who?
Who were these brave men and women who willingly volunteered to step
in the path of an energy beam that could potentially fry their skin?
Seems doubtful that such research could be gathered voluntarily. Even
more so when you consider more powerful weapons. But the problem is
fundamentally deeper than that. There are many, many more reasons why
a military-- especially one possibly headed by criminals-might want
innocent civilians as human guinea pigs. For example, a basic research
question might be: How do people who do not know what is happening to
them react to the weapon? The problem with volunteers is that they
know there is an experiment in the first place. A military needs to
know the psychological impact on targets who have no idea what is
going on. And they want people who will try to avoid the weapon
because they need to know what the weapon's weaknesses are. That's why
experimenting on prisoners (not something I'm recommending) is not
good enough. Prisoners are locked up in a cell. I don't doubt that the
American government experiments on them as well, but they are simply
not enough. I'd be willing to bet that they want data on all kinds of
people, from all walks of life, male and female, of a variety of ages
and living in variety of settings, weather conditions and countries.
And what about longitudinal studies? Where are these brave volunteers
who signed up for 20 years of daily experimentation to see what the
long- term effects might be? Who said yes to every new test of the
weapon, every adjustment in power, in frequency of the beam, varying
of duration, and so on? But even that's not good enough. What about
enemies boarded up in their houses, what about enemies you want to
coerce, to control? Again, you need to shoot some human guinea pigs in
their own homes and collect the data. Remember that (probably mocked
up) magazine at the Denver Youth Hostel that I discussed in a previous
entry? The article in it was all about the U.S. government
experimening on unsuspecting individuals. Maybe by leaving that
magazine in a conspicuous plac (where I would find it), the bad guys
were trying to tell me something.
How do you pick a guinea pig (target)? Why did they pick me? That's a
good question. It may be a confluence of things. Who knows, maybe they
really did suspect me of knowing something. Maybe the girl in New
Mexico really is connected with these criminals. Maybe these criminals
really did fear and hate me. Hey, that could be part of it. But that's
not why you mobilize the money and effort need to target an
individual. The reason why has got to be experimentation. The rest of
it just helps narrow down the candidates. Remember, they started
intimidating me when I was 19. I do remember vaguely that once, while
still at Orange Coast College (just after my father died), some
foreign guy (Arabic maybe?) come up to me and started talking about
politics or some such thing. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the
details because I thought nothing of it at the time. But perhaps that
was the start: They need a human guinea pig, so send in some guy to
make him look like a spy or terrorist--start to collect some photos
and video for those phony- baloney files. Next, you send in some goons
to stare at him and intimidate him until he becomes angry--now you've
got great video. Alienate him from his family and you've got a guy
with no family support, and add to it the perfect distraction--some
girl he offended in New Mexico--and you've got yourself a perfect
candidate for guinea pig. Plus I'm a nice guy--not the kind, when
experimented on, to go off and kill a crowd full of random people, as
no doubt some would do. I was the perfect guinea-pig candidate--too
good for them to resist, I'm sure. I would bet other TIs out there
also had life attributes that made the bad guys deem them to be highly
suitable targets.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
More TI Tips: Fans, Hands, Refrigerators
Fans really help. They help keep things cool, make it harder for the
bad guys to suffocate you, and keep air circulating. Fans are really
helpful. You can use fans to bring fresh air in and move stale air
out, and you can also sleep with your face next to a fan. Sleeping
next to a fan will keep you cooler (important), and also make it a
little more difficult for them to pinpoint where to shoot you to
suffocate you.
If you don't already know, putting your hands in front of your face
helps. I think most TIs know this, but your body seems to "absorb" the
directed-energy attacks. Wherever the attack strikes is where the
attack (the "shot" or whatever you want to call it) will be absorbed.
If you put your hands in front of your nose, and they try to shoot
your nose and instead hit your hands, then your hands will absorb the
shot instead of your nose. This can also help prevent suffocation. Of
course you can not put your hands too tightly around your nose or you
won't be able to breathe.
I have had some good results sleeping near refrigerators. Again, I
think putting a large, cold object between you and their "heat-sensing
camera" makes it harder for them to see you. You may experiment with
this and see what results you get. Every little bit that helps, even
in a small way, is still important.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
I was wondering why there were so many mosquitoes around my apartment.
This morning I went upstairs and looked out of my second-floor window
and saw that my roof was covered with water--a perfect breeding ground
for mosquitoes. I looked around and noticed nobody else's roof was
covered with water in this way. I went out on my roof and saw that
someone had plugged up my drain. I do not think this was an accident.
There were three or four DVD cases stacked up over the drain. They
were neatly stacked, like pancakes. They could not have just floated
there. Furthermore, someone had taken some paper from the DVD movie
covers and stuffed it in the hole that connects my roof to the drain.
(Incidentally, at least one of the DVD cases appeared to be for a
pornographic movie.)
They continue to put what smells like copious amounts of gas into my
apartment, and I am "shot" with their energy weapon as well. The
combination makes is difficult to breathe at night, and I often wake
up with my heart beating much, much too fast, as if instead of
sleeping I had just been running a marathon. But my resolve remains
unshaken.
More TI tips
Windows
Because of the possibility of being gassed and because of the heating
nature of the directed-energy weapon, it is advisable that you open
all windows of your residence whenever you are home. Incidentally, it
is not too hard for the criminals to poke a small hole in a floor,
wall, or ceiling and start putting gas into your apartment. Moreover,
they will probably make the hole when you are not home, and trying to
find where the hole is (to plug it up) is like trying to find a needle
in a haystack.
Attitude
If you are a TI--and only if you are a TI--then you can understand the
daily misery that a TI goes through. If you are a TI, then there are
really only a few ways to look at your life. You can:
Look at the unfairness of what is being done to you and say, "This is
cruel! This is so unfair! Almost everyone else in the world gets a
fair chance, but I don't. Everyone else in this world gets at least
the chance to make a happy life for themselves, but I don't. Woe is
me!" And you wallow in self-pity, and moan, cry, beg every person and
organization and do everything in your power just to try to make it
all stop, to make the pain stop, to have a normal life again. But of
course it won't stop, and people either won't help you (because
they're involved with the mob), can't help you, or just don't believe
you.
You can say to yourself, "What difference can one person make? There
are so many other people (from all walks of life, and some in very
powerful positions) already involved." You can do everything in your
power to not piss the bad guys off, to appease them. You can ignore
all your natural instincts to fight back or to do anything and try to
keep a vow of silence, hoping that they will leave you alone. But of
course, they won't leave you alone, not even if you say nothing about
the torture they do to you everyday for the rest of your life. They
must feel they own you. You must *join* them, become one of them. You
can pursue joining them--you can sell out every last shred of dignity
or honor you ever had, betray your fellow TIs, your country and all of
humanity, and eventually quite possibly join them, enabling them and
helping them to go right on torturing and maiming innocent people.
Or you can realize you are fighting one of the greatest evils, one of
the most wicked organizations of depraved individuals that mankind has
ever seen. And you can say to yourself, "I consider it an honor to
fight such an evil as this, and to use every bit of energy I have, and
lose my life, if necessary, to fight these monstrous individuals in
this sick organization of cruelty, torture and injustice." You can
fight the good fight, and in doing so help in at least some small way
your fellow TIs, your country and all of humanity. You can consider it
an honor to fight this evil and to fight this battle, because it is.
To speak up, to get the word out about these criminals and what they
are doing to all who will listen, is a truly good and noble thing.
In my own life, I spent many years having attitude #1 and then many
years with attitude #2 (but not wanting to join them). I felt that if
I kept quiet but just didn't join them, that was enough--that I was
already making a big enough sacrifice by just not joining them,
because they would continue to torture me. But of course, it is not
enough. The only good attitude for a TI is #3. I wasted many years
when I could have been working much harder to get the truth out and to
do something to stop the perpetrators and to help other TIs. Instead I
either wallowed in self-pity or tried to ignore and appease the
criminals. This was a mistake, and I regret it. It will never happen
again.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Another hot and humid day. It's also been raining. Between the rain
and the humidity, I am always very wet.
TI tips
A breathing technique
I have been meaning to start a new section of this website that is
explicitly for TIs (targeted individuals) such as myself. I will do so
soon. For now, I will just include that information here.
Something that I have found that can help bring some relief from the
"nose" (suffocating) attacks is to, for a little while, breathe in
through your nose and out through your mouth. If you are a TI, and
they are really viciously attacking your nose with the weapon and
making it difficult for you to breathe, try this. It may bring some
relief. It always seems to work for me. You may need to turn your head
to a new position first so that they can't just keep shooting you in
the exact same spot that they shot you before and *then* start the
nose-in, mouth-out breathing. If you become uncomfortable or dizzy
while doing the nose-in, mouth-out breathing, then you should stop and
resume normal (nose-in, nose-out) breathing. I feel fine doing nose-
in, mouth-out for a little while, and it may be something that
requires a little practice.
Here is my explanation as to why this works. **Of course, this is all
just speculation on my part and I am not an expert.** But the
following is my best guess. Their attacks require two elements: one is
the directed-energy weapon, but the other is a good "heat-seeing"
camera. Their camera shows them the heat signature of your body. When
you breathe out, you are sending hot air out of your nostrils. They
can see this, and this effectively shows them *exactly* where your
nostrils are and where to shoot you in order to suffocate you. If you
instead blow the hot air out of your mouth, then it is more difficult
for them to target your nostrils in *exactly* the right place to
suffocate you. This is my guess.
Psychology
Your mental state is very important. What they want to do is to fill
you with abject fear and reduce you to an emotional wreck. This is
why, in addition to using weapons on you, they do what many have
called "street theater" or "gang stalking". This includes strangers
(in groups) staring at you, laughing at you, putting their fingers on
their noses, and so on ad infinitum. The large numbers of people
involved in this gang activity do, in fact, constitute a powerful
weapon of a psychological kind. But you can prevent this street
theater from doing any emotional harm by keeping one thing in mind at
all times: They're doing it just to screw with your mind, just to fill
you with fear at all times. **They are actors following a script.**
They have been told *exactly* what to do. Knowing this, you can laugh
it off and/or just ignore them.
The other thing that I would recommend to all TIs is to make sure to
*have some fun* everyday. Have some pleasure in your life. Spend time
with friends. Do something fun. Ignore the mindless sheep that follow
gang orders. It goes without saying that not everyone is involved in
this evil. Never trust anyone too much but find people that you can
just have fun with and do so. Or spend time by yourself having fun.
But have some fun, some pleasure every day. Don't let them make your
life an uninterrupted symphony of pain. You'd be surprised at how far
a little fun can go in maintaining a healthy mental state.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Remembering My Father
I did a web search today on my father's name: Howard Matloff. I also
tried Howard S. Matloff and Howard Steven Matloff. Nothing. Zip. Zero.
It's like he never even existed. I found two other Howard Matloff's,
one a race car driver and the other a lawyer (or maybe they are the
same person). But not my father.
My father died of cancer at the age of 42. That's forty-two years old.
I was only 19 years old when he died. I watched him die, for the most
part, at home. I have told this story before here. The question that I
haven't discussed, and that remains an open one, is why. My father
never smoked. And he died so young. I remember that a relative told me
once that when my father was younger he had radioactive iodine
treatments and that maybe that was the cause. She said the doctors
didn't know for sure.
I don't really know if my father actually had radioactive iodine
treatments for a condition, or if perhaps that relative was not
telling the truth. It's possible that rather than being "treated" he
was experimented on by the U.S. government (something the U.S.
government had done in one form or another over the years, sources
have shown), or perhaps he was simply exposed while working at a
military site. I remember (see below entries) that U.S. News and World
Report magazine showing pictures of military sites and people who had
been experimented on. Here are some relevant articles:
Radioactive America
U. S. National Cancer Institute (NCI) Withheld Atom-Bomb Test Data
I really don't know that much about my dad's life before I was born. I
only know that I loved him and that he died much too young. Google and
Yahoo say that my dad never existed. I know otherwise.
I love ya Dad.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Not much to much to report, actually. Same "bad stuff," different day,
as they say. The latest tactic they are using is sleep deprivation.
They just make a lot of noise, especially when I am trying to sleep.
There were actually people outside last night banging and pounding at
1:30 am. You might think this is not a problem: I could just close my
window. But it is swelteringly hot out right now. Closing the windows
is not a great option. So it is a difficult time, but I will
persevere.
I wanted to post more, but I've been really busy. One big, big problem
right now is that it's just hot as blazes outside. I cannot go walking
for even a short distance without becoming soaked in my own sweat.
It's pretty awful. At home, my air conditioner (I have only one small
room-size one) is just not enough.
Targeted Individuals
I wanted to talk about other victims for a moment. Typically I have
called others who are going through experiences similar to my own
"victims," but it seems that a term that is becoming more prevalent is
"targeted individuals." I will use either term interchangeably. There
is no great term to express what we are: innocent people being
attacked in a ruthless and high-tech manner. I just found the
following video and it seems to hit on many important points. I don't
agree with all of it, and I was only able to watch the first 5 minutes
and 44 seconds (the Internet connection I'm using is not so great),
but mostly it seems to be on target.
You will find many Internet sites from "targeted individuals" like
myself. Unfortunately (or fortunately, really), the fact is that there
are just too many related postings for me to give links to them all. I
will give a few from time to time. The important thing you should
remember about these links is this: These people (the honest ones who
are really trying to tell the truth) are victims of the most
unimaginable torture. If you are not a victim, you really can have no
idea of the unbearable pain and misery these people endure every day.
Some of these postings will be very emotional and far too subjective.
Many of these well-intentioned posts will contain, along with true
statements, some contradictory or logically impossible assertions.
This is not surprising. These people are being tortured and maimed and
many are at their wits' end. I myself used to be like this some years
ago; but now I try, by all means possible and at all times, to be
objective and critical, like a journalist simply reporting the news.
My assertions are hard to believe but do not run counter to logic or
contradict themselves; but it is only recently that I have been able
to calm down and take this more objective stance. Please bear this in
mind while reading some of these posts. The point is this: the
emotional state of the writer may cloud the writer's story, but try to
separate the wheat from the chaff and see through to the core of the
story.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Beware of "group sleeping" environments
I don't know any good way to introduce this story. No matter how I
tell it, it will seem unbelievable. But it is true. Anyway, maybe this
will help prevent others from suffering similar misfortune.
I was living in Denver, Colorado at the time. The year must have been
around 1993. The perpetrators were already attacking me with this
through-the-wall weapon, but I had no idea that they were many in
number and government-involved, or even that they had a through-the-
wall weapon. I knew that I was being attacked because strange people
were stalking me and harrassing me in public, and because at night I
was somehow being suffocated. I thought I was being gassed, but I
didn't know who was doing it or why. I did not feel safe living alone,
so I went to live in the Denver Youth Hostel.
The management of the Denver Youth Hostel was substandard, to say the
least. There were two young managers, not out of their twenties and
both from Australia. They were openly and extremely racist, always
proclaiming (without anyone asking them) that they hated all blacks,
and swinging baseball bats in an aggressive way while saying this.
(Apparently they kept baseball bats behind the desk for who-knows-what
purpose.) Under any other circumstances, I would not have stayed at
this youth hostel, but I didn't feel safe living in my apartment.
Now, you may know that most youth hostels have a "group sleeping" or
dormitory environment: there are several beds in one room, and you end
up sleeping beside total strangers. I had been sleeping at the youth
hostel for several weeks, when one night one of the managers told me I
had been "moved" to another room. When I got to that other (dormitory-
style) room, there were many people already there. Probably 10 or 12
other people were in that room. The beds were bunk beds, with one
person sleeping above the other. I'm guessing there were twelve or so
bunk beds, each sleeping two people--one above and one below. There was
a wall that divided the room into two halves, and a bathroom at the
end of the second half. There was only one door to the whole room, and
it had a lock and could be locked from the inside or outside. The room
itself was on the second or third floor of the youth hostel; I don't
remember which now. It was not on the first floor.
Remember that I really didn't know what was happening to me at this
time. I didn't know that criminals within the American government/
military, with great power at their disposal, were trying to hurt me.
I thought maybe the people hurting me were just a few rogue gangsters
associated with this awful woman I once knew (more about that later).
I actually felt safer sleeping around others. I had no idea that these
people, in this room, were actually there to harm me.
When I first met the other occupants, they were indeed very friendly
to me--I would say too friendly. They wanted to know everything about
me. They endeared themselves to me and avowed that they wanted to be
my friends. This was all during the first evening that I moved into
that room! A bunch of them and I even went out to dinner that night--I
worked for a restaurant company at the time and was able to secure a
discount for my new "friends". That first night, sleeping in the lower
bed of a bunk bed, there were no problems. But on the other side of
the room (behind the dividing wall) there were actually men and women
in the same bunk, and I remember the appalling realization that I was
walked through the room to get to the bathroom, couples were having
sex in front of me in the bunks. I even announced before walking into
the second half that I was coming through to get to the bathroom so
that I wouldn't have to see couples "doing it." I am not a voyeur and
quite honestly the notion of being around complete strangers having
sex disgusts me.
But I stayed in this room because I actually felt "safe" around my new
friends. It turned out to be a very false sense of security. The next
night (the second night), a Friday, when I got to the room, everyone
was already amazingly in their beds and the lights had been turned
off. Someone was in the bunk above me but the covers were pulled over
this person. No one was moving or talking; everyone was much too
quiet. It was early still, as I recalled--probably only around 10:00pm
or so. But I didn't want to disturb anyone else so I, too, just went
to bed. I climbed into the lower bunk and laid down, my back against
the bed and my head facing upward. I remember seeing one other thing
before I got into bed--two large, black, very sturdy and strange-
looking suitcases near the door. I went to sleep.
I remember slowly falling asleep, and just as I started to enter deep
sleep, I remember the strangest sensation. It was like a drowning, a
deep, deep, deep loss of consciousness. Almost like death, if death
can be imagined by the living. Remember that this was a Friday night.
I had had a pretty good day on Friday and was not too tired. I had big
plans for the following day, Saturday. I would never see that day,
because I didn't wake up until Sunday morning. I lost a day of my life
and I will probably never know exactly what happened during that day.
You must understand--and it is not too hard to believe--that of course I
normally got up every day. I was very busy. I was still young--in 1993
I was 25 years old. But somehow I had just slept from Friday evening
completely through to Sunday morning. But here is the truly weird
thing: When I woke up, it felt to me as though only a half-hour had
passed. When I found out what day and time it was, I simply could not
believe it. I have never in my life continously slept for that long a
period of time before or since. What's more, when I woke up, everyone
was gone. Not a person was left in the room. And the door to the room
was locked. My guess is that whoever had left last had locked the door
and closed it behind them.
There were some other strange things. Not only did it feel as if only
a half-hour (30 minutes) had past, but I had no recollection of
getting up or even turning in my sleep in all that time. After I
awoke, and checked my watch to find out what time it was, I went to
another part of the building to take a shower. In the mirror I noticed
something curious: there was a bandage on my forehead. I had not put
it there. It was a small bandage covering a spot in the middle of my
forehead. The problem was, I know for sure that I had neither injured
my forehead nor put a bandage on it. Someone else had put a bandage on
my forehead during the time that I was "unconscious". The question is,
why? I took off the bandage and saw that underneath the bandage it had
been bleeding. There was a small, scabbed over area. What had
happened? I pushed on the area with my fingertip and felt dizzy! The
world--my vision--turned white and I felt very strange. I pushed on it a
few times and the result was the same every time, so I stopped pushing
on it.
Eventually the scab fell away, leaving a small scar on my forehead
that is still there to this day. So the question is, what happened?
And here, of course, I must speculate. I believe the people in this
particular room were here for the express purpose of hurting me in a
particular way. My guess is that the man in the bed above my own, with
the covers pulled over him, was also hiding one of these "through-the-
wall" weapons. Probably he shot me right in the middle of the forehead
at this very close range, just as I was falling asleep, resulting in
my loss of consciousness (and the loss of a day of my life). But the
bigger question is, Why? Why did they do this? What did they stand to
gain? And the answer to that is, I really don't know. Did they do
something to me while I was unconscious? I have heard stories of
"implanted devices" on the Internet, but I have absolutely no proof or
knowledge of this being done to me; this is the purest speculation.
If not implants, then what? Just because they could? Was it to make me
more "impressionable" or "controllable"? It certainly did not have
that effect. Or possibly they wanted to perform some sort of
"electronic labotomy". Some years later, I went to a doctor and had a
complete MRI brain scan done. I noticed that it looked like the front,
central "tip" of my brain had been "chopped off" or "truncated," but
of course this is just the impression of a non-medical-professional
(me). Was it just a show of power? Was it just to intimidate? I also
know that this seems to smack of the "mark of the beast" referred to
in the Bible. But I am not the slightest bit religious and don't
believe in this. Was it to make me seem like a religious fanatic? The
truth is, I don't really have the answer: to this day I do not know
why, exactly, they did this, and what happened during those lost
hours.
I do know this, however. Later on, I saw the manager who had moved me
to the new room where this all had happened. I did not yet, at that
time, suspect him of wrongdoing, and actually I was friendly to him: I
offered him a piece of beef jerky that I had bought at 7-Eleven (for
those who don't know, 7-Eleven is a convenience store that sells all
sorts of foods and drinks). He actually said to me, "This is poison,
isn't it?" Of course it wasn't poison. I was eating it too.
Another interesting tidbit: In the weeks prior to this, when I was
living in a different room in the youth hostel, I would go in the
evening to a communal lounge to watch TV and sit on the sofa. Near the
sofa they had some magazines. One of them was an issue of US News and
World Report that had an amazing article in it: It was all about how
the US government had tortured and experimented on people, completely
with grizzly photographs! I wish now I had just stolen that magazine.
I have looked for that particular copy of US News and World Report but
have yet to find it again; I think this was "planted" there for me to
find. Maybe the information in this magazine was true, but somehow I
suspect that this was not a real issue of that famous news magazine. I
have gone to a library and searched the index for US News and World
Report for a similar article but have found nothing. Who knows, maybe
it really was a real issue of the magazine; if you find this article,
please let me know.
There is one more thing: I have seen a similar scar, in a similar
position, on the foreheads of many other people. I have even seen it
on children as young as twelve. Now, there may be some other
explanation for all these forehead scars, but it just seems to be too,
too common for this all to be coincidence. Next time you meet someone
for the first time, look at their forehead and see if this they have
this small, circular- or oval-looking scar in the middle of their
forehead, or on the left or right part of the forehead. I see it
everyday, all the time. It's on the foreheads of movie stars: Examine
your favorite movies closely, especially when the camera does a close-
up shot on an actor, and if you look carefully you may notice it.
Certainly not every actor (or non-actor) has this scar, but many do. I
have seen this scar on the foreheads of literally hundreds of
different actors in hundreds of different movies dating back as early
as the 1960's (and continuing to the present), which makes me suspect
that this weapon has been around at least that long.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I believe I am not the only victim out there; that is, I believe there
are also other victims out there who are tortured by corrupt groups
using this "through-the-wall" weapon, for lack of a better term. From
time to time I would like to point out some other websites that post
experiences that are in some ways similar to my own. Please note that
I do not know these people and I cannot vouch in any way for the
accuracy of what they say. It is possible that some of these sources
are actually corrupt persons purposely providing disinformation; but I
am inclined to believe that at least some of the sources are
describing their experiences as accurately and honestly as they can.
At any rate, here is one possibly honest source.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
A government connection
I have mentioned many times that the perpetrators are connected with
the American government and military. There is also a connection
between my own family and the American government. Many of my
relatives have worked for Lockheed, a defense contractor (a company
that provides services and/or products to the American military). I
myself also worked for a short time for a defense contractor called
Ford Aerospace, in Newport Beach, California. I worked there for about
three months in the late 1980's (maybe 1989). I was just a temporary
worker there; I had no access to any classified documents or military
secrets whatsoever. I did administrative work for the AIM9R
(Sidewinder missile) team. They did want to hire me though--to bring me
on as a permanent worker. I didn't want to. Working there, I saw some
behavior that disturbed me. I remember once that there was a party
(with food, drinks, etc.) to celebrate some "kills" using the missile
in some part of the world. I understand the importance of national
defense and of having effective missiles but I just couldn't feel
right about celebrating their use. I will say that being in the
military or working in the defense industry is in fact one of the most
difficult jobs you can ever do: You need to do have absolute
dedication toward your work while, at the same, not enjoying it. The
same could be said of the police: You want officers who take their job
very seriously but who do not actually "enjoy" the use of lethal or
nonlethal violence against a suspect. When you start to enjoy such
work you begin to cross the line from defender to perpetrator. It is
the most difficult kind of job in which the work you do is absolutely
critical and yet, at the same time, you morally shouldn't be enjoying
what you do. Anyway, there was just something weird about the place
and working there just wasn't for me.
A relative of mine (passed away many years ago) may have been CIA. Of
course this is speculation on my part; but the details of his life are
very suspicious. I rarely saw him; he often spent months or years at a
time out of the country. I once asked another relative what he did for
a living, and she told me that he just bummed around foreign countries
(that he basically had no job). The last time I saw him, we talked for
an afternoon and actually got along really well. He seemed like a very
nice person. He spoke at least three different languages. He soon
returned to a foreign country, and it wasn't too long after that that
I heard he had been murdered there. Supposedly he was the victim of a
man robbing a store. But at his funeral, the rabbi (I think he was a
rabbi) spoke and said he hoped there would be justice for his
"assassins" (and that is the exact word he used). Because of the
mention of "assassins," the fact that he spoke several foreign
languages, and the fact that he was in other foreign countries for
years at a time, it seems to me that he may have been CIA. Perhaps it
is because I am related to him that, for some strange reason, I have
been tortured (perhaps by the CIA) for so long.
A little more background info
I thought I would give a little more background info on myself. I am
39 years old. I got my Bachelor's of Science in Linguistics and
Computer and Information Science in 2006. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa--
Oregon Six with a GPA of 4.08. So I am not an entirely stupid human
being. Of course, doing well in school doesn't prove anything, and my
assertions should always be evaluated on their own merits. But I just
wanted to give a little more information about myself.
Now here comes the embarrassing part. I am still a virgin. That's right
--a 39-year-old virgin. One more year and I will be tied with the title
character of the movie you are probably already thinking of (The 40-
Year-Old Virgin). However, I am not the nerdy character of that movie.
Why am I a virgin, then? Because I don't want to see anyone else get
hurt. The criminals attacks anything I love, including women. This is
why I have, for most of my adult life, avoided dating. I made a
mistake and let down my guard here in Beijing and went on a few dates
with two beautiful women. I truly regret it. Now, I cannot prove that
the perpetrators shot them with this weapon; I can only relate to you
what I saw happen. Let's call them Date #1 and Date #2 to keep things
anonymous. I was sitting with Date #1 at a table in a restaurant,
having lunch. She was eating some food. Suddenly, unexpectedly, she
violently started coughing and spitting up food, turning red in the
face, unable to breathe even for several seconds and breathing heavily
and painfully for the next minute or so. This is a classic "shot to
the throat," only they did it to my date, not to me. I know the
symptoms because they've done it to me before. Could she just have
choked on a piece of food? It's possible, but I don't think it has the
same symptoms or effect. The effect of the weapon is instantaneous:
one moment, she was peacefully eating; the next moment she spraying a
fountain of food everywhere and gasping for air. She was not eating
too fast or gulping down her food. At any rate, my impression is that
she was attacked by the same weapon they attack me with.
Date #2 and I were just walking down the street when Date #2 stopped
in her tracks, clutching her eye for several minutes. Her eye hurt
her. But there was no wind at all. There was nothing in her eye. And
my guess is that they shot her in the eye in much the same way that
they have shot me in the eye. Again, it is impossible in these
situations to prove anything; but I saw the look of pain and
discomfort on my dates' faces, and I don't want to see it again.
Needless to say, I haven't been on any more dates. I don't want to see
anyone else get hurt. Over the years there have been many girls who
have expressed an interest in me, and whom I would have loved to have
as my girlfriend and--who knows--maybe even wife; but now you understand
why this could never be possible, and why I remain a 39-year-old
lonely man.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
It's not so hot right now--just 33 degrees Centigrade in Beijing.
Physical update: Lately they've been shooting me a lot in the eyes and
heart.
I've seen some interesting links on the Internet lately. I think
things are starting to change in this world, but very slowly. I
remember how ten years ago there were very few victims' websites
(websites from people experiencing problems similar to mine), but now
there seem to be more. Also, the truth about some bad things in this
world is starting to come out, albeit slowly. If you haven't seen the
below links, you should take a look now:
CIA roped in mafia to kill Castro
CIA details spy scandal in old documents
The first document gives some evidence of a link between the American
government and the mafia. Actually, I have heard that such a link
dates back at least as far as World War II, when supposedly America
used the mafia for military-related objectives in the war. My own
experience has been of strangers (people) making "mafia hit signs" at
me (see an earlier post) nearly every day of my life; and also, as
mentioned before here, at least one respected media member has said
that the mafia runs America. As for me, I am not sure "who is running
who." I can't say for sure, and I'm not sure that it matters. As to
what labels the perpetrators use for their organization, or to what
flag or allegiance they pledge, I really don't know. What I can tell
you is that there are some bad people with great power--some of them in
the American government--doing very bad things. Here is an excerpt from
the second link above:
In early 1975, CIA Director William Colby told the Justice Department
that these documents detailed assassination plots against foreign
leaders such as Fidel Castro, the testing of behavior-altering drugs
on unwitting citizens, wiretapping of US journalists, spying on civil
rights and anti-Vietnam war protesters, opening of mail between the
United States and the Soviet Union and China and break-ins at the
homes of ex-CIA employees and others.
I am very ashamed at some of the things my country's (America's)
government has done and is doing; but perhaps things are changing.
After all, the CIA did release these recent documents of their own
accord; perhaps things are getting better. Or perhaps these are just
half-truths, or there is some spin here. I really don't know. To the
degree that the CIA or American government is changing for the better,
this is encouraging news. The reports seem to indicate that these days
are behind the CIA, yet still we hear claims of torture and abuse, as
with the allegations of CIA-sponsored overseas prisons:
Europe honors HRW for exposing CIA jails
At any rate, I remain cautiously hopeful that things are changing for
the better and rejoice at any positive changes that may be taking
place in America. That said, I also think there is a lot of
"disinformation" out there--information that is purposefully misleading--
so we must always be cautious. It goes without saying that you should
read everything here on my website--and on any other--with skepticism
and should never take anything at face value. Make up your own mind.
Think for yourself. Analyze what is being said and see what makes
sense to you. This is the foundation of democracy.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Well, it's been five days since I've last written; I've been busy.
I've got lots of things going on with my life. I've been very busy
with teaching and preparing for class and also busy doing other
miscellaneous chores. The perpetrators have been busy too, attacking
my eyes a lot, and also working over my lower back. They seem to be
shooting me in the back mostly while I am sleeping; I feel a couple of
shots just after I wake up, but mostly the greatest discomfort is when
I am lying down in bed. During the day or when I am up walking or even
just sitting, my back is better. Perhaps they do it while I sleep
because I don't move around as much when I sleep and they want to make
sure to attack a certain part of my spine/back, but of course this is
just speculation. At any rate, it's getting more difficult for me to
walk, and I walk a tiny bit hunched over now. My back always hurts.
Beginnings
I don't have time right now to give you the story of my life. I will
say that there was one pivotal point, when I was 19 years old, when
the perpetrators first began attacking me. I will give you the very,
very condensed version right now.
My father died of cancer when I was 19. It was a slow, painful dying--a
misery for both my father and his family. I quit college to stay home
and take care of my father while he was dying (he was at home for all
but the last month or so). My grandmother also came to live with us to
take care of my dying father. My grandmother, some hospice workers,
and myself took turns taking care of my father; we took shifts. I
looked after my father for one shift every day.
One day I came into my father's room and saw him sitting up in bed.
(This was unusual during the latter stages of his sickness.) He was
shaking his head and had a very pained expression on his face. "What's
wrong?" I asked him. "We're in trouble," he said, and I am now quoting
him verbatim; these are words I will never forget as long as I live.
"Who's in trouble," I said, stunned. "You and me," he said, looking at
me. I said in a panic, "Why?" He pointed his index finger upwards and
circled it around, saying "God's no good."
Those were the last coherent, meaningful words (other than "No" or
"Stop," which he would say when I was trying to help him [e.g., give
him medicine] when he didn't want me to) that my father ever said. I
couldn't believe what I had heard. I was an emotional wreck. I told my
grandmother what he said, and she became very distraught. Perhaps she
was concerned that my father had "spilled the beans" and told me too
much. I wish he had, because I suffered as if he had, and the
perpetrators either (1) concluded he had told me about them even
though he hadn't, even though I had told my grandmother exactly what
my father had told me, word for word, or (2) they saw it was a
wonderful opportunity (read: excuse) to clobber me because they just
didn't like a goody-two-shoes like me anyway. Whatever the case,
immediately after that my grandmother had an additional healthcare
worker sent to watch over my father, in the same room with me, at
exactly the same time as my shift. While sitting there in the room
with me and my dying father one day, he turned to me and said (and I
quote), "What are your weaknesses?" And so it all began. How about
you: When sitting bedside of your dying father, do you enjoy a little
interrogation from the Spanish Inquisition about your weaknesses? I
blew my top and told my grandmother to fire him or I would call his
agency and do it. But this was the beginning of the whole corrupt
military/government/mafia/gangster types (i.e., "perpetrators")
attacking me thing.
My father died in another two months or so and I went back to school
to try to put the pieces of my life back together. Soon at school,
there were strange men--always in pairs, groups of two--staring at me
menacingly, intimidating me, and appearing wherever I went on campus.
I was scared out of my wits and eventually quit school (for the second
time, not to return again for about 20 years). I told my grandmother
about these people at school. She told me I didn't know anything about
the world. "You're only book smart," she said to me angrily. On
another occasion--shortly before I moved out of my family's home, never
to return--she said something like, "They'll murder you!" I said, "Who?
Who the hell are you talking about?" but she never answered me. (I
can't remember her exact words; I remember either "They'll murder you"
or "They'll kill you," but I'm not sure which.)
Well, there's a lot more to the story but I don't have time right now.
Hey, but now you can see some of the fun I had when I was just a 19-
year-old college student who had just lost his father to cancer. The
perpetrators are full of heart. :-)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Thoughts
I just saw an article online about a angry mob that took matters into
its own hands:
AUSTIN, Texas - Police on Wednesday were pleading for witnesses to
help them track down members of an angry mob that beat a man to death
after the car he was riding in apparently struck and injured a child.
-- Yahoo News (Click here for original article)
The man in question was not even the driver of the vehicle; he simply
was trying to protect the driver of the vehicle from being assaulted
by the angry mob and paid for it with his life. It is likely that the
driver hit the girl by accident, but at any rate the behavior on the
part of these people is abominable. I cite this article because it
exemplifies what is wrong with the world today: There is no respect
for the rule of law. It is why innocent men are beaten today, and it
is why the perpetrators who attack me still exist and hurt innocent
people as well. Until this world wakes up and realizes how important
the rule of law is, we will never have a harmonious and peaceful
society. Because of corruption, the rule of law is just a promise; it
is not a reality. I dream of the day when this corrupt organization of
people that hurt me will be destroyed and its members--especially the
ones firing this weapon and hurting people--brought to justice.
Update
The perpetrators have been "working over" my legs and back. In an
early posting I wrote about them shooting me with a single powerful
shot to the leg; this happened again last night. It was actually to
the calf muscle on the back of my left leg. The shot created another
"instant bruise." They have also continued to shoot me in the back. My
back is now painful, sore and stiff all the time, but it is especially
bad at night when I am simply lying down. I believe this is because
they are shooting me while I sleep. One time recently I woke up, and
just as I was waking up I felt a shot to the back. It is at any rate
very strange that my back should feel worse when I am doing nothing
(no matter what position I lie in) then when I am up and about and
walking around. I fear that these recent attacks may lead to permanent
damage to my back and legs, but it still probably too early to tell
for sure, and at any rate I must accept what must be. Unlike the angry
mob in Texas, I believe in the rule of law and will not be attacking
people simply because I am attacked. This corrupt group needs to be
destroyed, disbanded and brought to justice. I hope one day it
happens. I also take heart in the fact that prior to this point in my
life I have never had any back problems whatsoever. In that regard, I
have been very lucky.
The mafia "hit sign"
I have to explain about the whole finger-on-the-nose thing. Many years
ago, and still somewhat to this day, various perpetrators would walk
by me, scowling and holding a finger against the side of their nose.
Later a policeman told me that this is the mafia "hit sign." It is
certainly an attempt to intimidate. I guess I'm mature enough to look
at it now as kind of silly, but the aggravating thing is it's very
disrespectful. Remember the perpetrators do everything in groups, in
numbers. When enough bozos (who you've never met before) come up to
you with hateful expressions and fingers held to their noses (e.g.,
ten different bozos do this to you in one day), it can get annoying. I
have learned and am still learning to just laugh it off. But anyway,
if you notice someone doing this sometime, now you'll know what is
going on.
A more critical question here is whether the perpetrators are, in
fact, mafia. This is certainly possible, but it is also possible they
are government/military types simply wanting to intimidate me. I do
not know the answer.
Monday, June 18, 2007
In the early hours of yesterday morning, from about 2am to 8am, the
perps shot me in the back. My back hurt yesterday and hurts it now as
well: it's sore and tight. I'm not sure if they shot me in the back
last night as well; it's possible that it was still sore from the
night before.
How does it all happen? I believe that my neighbors are involved, and
before you say it's impossible, let me explain why and give you some
background. First of all, there is the matter of the sensations I feel
and any disability that follows thereafter. The disability is very
real and could be verified by a competent doctor, although finding and
affording one in China is not easy. Second, experience has led me to
believe that this weapon is a "line of sight" (not a great term in
this case) or "linear" weapon: the weapon's fire (volley) leaves the
weapon and proceeds in a straight line (towards me, if that is where
they aimed it). It seems to be some sort of controlled radiation; it
would not surprise me if inside the weapon was some small amount of
radioactive material.
But I want to say something about neighbors and the modus operandi of
the criminals. These perpetrators are powerful: if they have
connections to the neighbors who lived here before I got here, they
could simply say "move" or "let us do what we have to do here" and the
neighbors must acquiesce or face the perps' wrath. If they aren't
connected, the perps may be able to find affiliated "members" who know
them and could influence them, or even to simply throw money at the
problem (buy their apartment from them or rent it from them for a very
attractive price). It is not so hard for the criminals to move
themselves into any neighboring apartments to one I choose. The ideal
situation would be a house on my own tract of land, but I have no
money to afford this. But there is no doubt that when I first looked
at the apartment where I lived, there were no attacks on me. At least
I felt nothing. And the attacks were few or none in the first few days
that I lived there, if memory serves me.
So you can imagine the frustration of knowing my neighbors are hurting
me, torturing me, maiming me--and being able to do nothing about it.
That is the mental anguish that targeted individuals such as myself
live in. I see my neighbors occasionally come and go out of their
apartments (with smirks on their faces) and there's nothing I can do.
If I break down their door, I will go to jail. Even though just on the
other side of that door may be proof of what they are doing. It is
insidious and awful and I hope some day the truth comes out and these
people are brought to justice.
A neighbor where I once lived said, "You have no evidence and you
can't prove anything." Actually, I didn't accuse her of any secret
activities; I came to ask her to stop bothering me and my roommate
(e.g., she was making noise in her apartment). I didn't threaten her--
didn't say I would call the police or write about her on the Internet
or anything of the sort. So I think that was a very strange thing for
her to say in response to a complaint about her behavior.
Friday, June 15, 2007
The weather has gotten a little cooler lately, providing much needed
relief. I am busy as usual with teaching and classes. Still being shot
in the eyes and nose. I was happy to report earlier that the gas smell
had stopped, but it resumed last night. When I go out on my balcony, I
smell the smell, and it may be that it is coming from the air
conditioner inverter that my neighbors put up (see previous news), but
I cannot be sure. You may recall that these are the neighbors who
filled my apartment with gas (I saw the gas tank) while working on
this very same inverter. Another curiousity: I have never seen this
inverter being used, even when the weather was dreadfully hot. I also
have an inverter and it has a fan that operates when the air
conditioner is turned on. So it seems they were in an awful big hurry
to install an inverter that they never use. My neighbors have also
placed a large dog on their balcony (which is next to mine), something
that is illegal in Beijing. Small dogs are allowed in the city but not
large ones.
Last night they shot a powerful shot to my leg: It created an instant
"black-and-blue" bruise on my leg (I mean instant), and I have been
limping slightly today as a result. Such powerful shots are generally
infrequent but do happen from time to time: I have had one to my left
eye, and another two powerful shots to my right ear just as I was
leaving America for China, which I believe was done to me by my
neighbor at that time, David Martelli. I have had some terrible
neighbors, and Mr. Martelli was one of them. On another occasion he
dressed in all black and sat outside sharpening his wooden martial
arts sword while threating me with a "mafia hit" sign, which is when
someone holds their index finger against their nose (discussed in a
previous entry). Regarding the targeting of my ear, I felt two shots
to my ear area accompanied by high-pitch noises, and then within
moments the whole right side of my head felt like it was on fire; it
was simply burning hot. I was walking to my car, carrying some things,
when I felt the two shots; and then immediately he came out of his
house, in some kind of ungodly spandex workout suit, and walked in the
other direction with what I can only call a "macho expression" on his
face. Anyway, I believe I sustained permanent hearing damage from that
incident and that my hearing has not been the same since.
I have had some interesting neighbors/roommates here in China as well.
I have not always lived in the apartment I live in now. When I first
got to Beijing, I had no place to stay and needed a place immediately.
A teacher at the school I was working for said he had a room in his
two-bedroom apartment he wanted to rent, so I accepted. He was Chinese
and I would guess somewhere in his early 20's. His English name is
Tristan, and his Chinese name is Li Chao (or Qiao, I'm not sure
exactly which). He worked for Modern English, a company I used to work
for as well. At any rate, over the course of one to two months (the
time I shared an apartment with him and his girlfriend), he did the
following wonderful things (all umprompted by me):
He said "I have the heart of a gangster." (simply out of the blue,
umprompted)
He told me that gangsters control all the vendors in the open-air
market that we visited once. (again umprompted by me)
He brought me some candy on three occasions, and on each of the tree
occasions, he said "It's poison" (referring to the candy). Sometimes
he said this in response to my asking, "What is it?" On the third
occasion, however, I did not even ask that question, and he still made
sure to say, "It's poison." Of course, it wasn't poison, but I didn't
see the humor in it. He and his girlfriend assured that all their
friends always joke about food being poisoned and that they all find
it very funny; they said that is part of Chinese culture. I have now
lived in China for seven months and no one else has ever joked about
poisoning my food. Needless to say, I moved out within days after the
third poison-food joke.
To this day, Mr. Chao has never returned the 500 yuan I gave them as a
deposit on the room, nor the water-dispensing machine which I could
not take with me because it had their bottle of water in it (they had
purchased some water, and for me to take the machine I would have to
remove their water bottle, making a mess, inconveniencing them, and so
on). I asked them to call me when they used up the water (this was
about five months ago) and to this day they never have; and I also
asked them to return the deposit and to this day they never have.
As I said, I have had some wonderful roommates and neighbors.
June 13, 2007
I know all of this stuff is hard to believe. I understand more than
that: I know that what I post here sounds positively, absolutely
crazy. I would never believe if I hadn't experienced it and seen it
with my own eyes--if I didn't live through it every day. I post it up
here with two hopes in mind: (1) that those with an open mind might be
able to accept perhaps the possibility of at least some of what I post
here, and (2) to help others who may be in a situation similar to my
own. Anyway, I just wanted to post a note to indicate that the
"unbelievability" of what I post is not lost on me. Believe me--I know,
I know. It's what makes it so difficult to be a victim.
Physical Update
This morning they shot me once in my right eye and twice in my left
eye. I was just walking around the apartment for two of the shots;
during the other shot I was, well, sitting on the toilet.
I have not noticed the smell of gas recently, which hopefully
indicates no gas, although that does not rule out their use of some
"odorless" gas. As always, I hope for the best. However, their "weapon
attacks" continue all night, unabated. It has unfortunately become
very, very hot of late. It is possible that this weapon the criminals
use is more powerful during hotter weather. At least, that has always
been my experience over the years. The attacks feel more intense, more
powerful. To make matters worse, it seems that the weather has
undergone some kind of "inversion" (if I'm using the right term): It's
hotter and more stifling at night, making sleep difficult.
Yesterday, while I was teaching class, and while the heat was
stifling, they shot me in the brain. In the left hemisphere (the left
side of my head). There is a long story associated with this. But
basically they started this two (or is it three) summers ago and have
done this off and on. Anyway, it's another thing that I must deal
with.
This morning I noticed what appeared to be mercury on my study desk in
my apartment. I doubt that the perpetrators did this and instead
suspect leakage from a battery, but I post it here anyway just in
case. Why do I think it was mercury? I remember seeing mercury in a
chemistry class once and this material seemed to be the same. It
looked like several small, silver "balls"; when I crushed a ball with
my finger, it became several, still smaller, silver balls. If I
crushed these new smaller balls, they too "divided" into still smaller
bills. Eventually it becomes dust. It's very interesting. But mercury
is also poisonous. I wiped up the mess and threw the paper wipes into
the trash.
Life
There is a divinity that shapes are ends, rough-hew them how we will.
--William Shakespeare
Well, what else is going on in my life? I'm very busy teaching and
preparing for class. Between preparing for class, teaching, and
dealing with the perpetrators' attacks, my life is busy 'round the
clock. I teach English here in Beijing. My students like me and say I
am an excellent teacher. I do my best to ensure my students have ample
opportunities to learn, speak and grow in a congenial, fun
environment. I work hard to prepare good materials and make sure
students have everything they need.
I teach at a training school. It's quite different from a university.
Students pay their own money, with no government subsidies as far as I
know, to attend school here. As such, the students expect a fun class
that is very oriented toward their needs. I try to make sure that
students get their money's worth. It's a lot of work. I do the best I
can. My linguistics degree has really come in handy. Fate is strange:
I thought I would end up working in computer science, but instead my
path has veered more toward the linguistics side of things. At the
university I majored in both linguistics and computer science, but in
grad school I majored in computer science. I had hoped to get my Ph.D.
in computer science and pursue a direction that revolved mostly around
CS. I never thought I would end up teaching English in China.
June 10, 2006
It's hotter than a habanero pepper. Beijing has become a virtual
steamroom. Men of all shapes and sizes are walking around either
without shirts or with their shirts "rolled half up," exposing their
midriffs. For my part, I have kept my perpetually-wet-rag-of-a-shirt
on at all times.
This morning I decided to do an informal count of the number of times
I felt the effects of what I believe to be the perps' weapon. In less
than one hour, I counted more than 100 shots to my nose and 20 shots
to my eyes. These attacks continue more or less at this pace all day,
every day, so you can do the math yourself to get a tiny idea of what
my life is like. I just wanted to quantify things a little bit.
What does it feel like? How can I answer that. How could I possibly
describe it in words? If someone asked you to describe the color blue,
how could you? You could give some definition based on wavelength, but
as none have ever seen a wavelength with their naked eyes, it's hard
to visualize. You have to say something like the following: This is
blue. The ocean is blue. And so on. It is the same with this weapon.
It's a little like being jabbed with a tiny needle, but that's just a
rough approximation. The truth is there is nothing else like it--at
least nothing else that most people have experienced. I imagine that
those who suffered through the blasts in Hiroshima and Nagasaki
experienced something like it on a much, much worse and larger scale.
It's radiation--to understand it necessitates feeling it.
I live for the day when people will recognize these criminals for what
they really are: terrorists who torture and maim innocent people. I
live for the day when people look upon them the way they look upon the
Nazis of World War II. Both regimes torture and maim innocent people.
The perpetrators may be mafia, and many people these days seem to have
a very laissez-faire attitude towards mafia-type gangs. I remember
watching a TV documentary on the battles that were going on between
the dominant street gang in a South American country (Argentina? I
forget now) and the police, who were trying to keep order. Apparently
the gangsters inside the jails didn't like the way they were being
treated, so they ordered their fellow gangsters on the outside to
attack the police and do notable acts of public destruction and
general mayhem. A citizen who was interviewed said that this gang was
really a good thing for everyone--that they helped lots of poor people,
gave them money and food, and so on, and that therefore the police
should just give in to their demands.
But this is no surprise. All gangs do some good things--providing their
members protection, giving them food, clothing, emotional support,
etc. As a matter of fact, the Nazis did that as well. They provided
jobs for German soldiers, gave them positions of power, sent money
home to their families, and so on. Perhaps we should also think of the
Nazis as great benefactors? I don't think so. A million good deeds do
not excuse one really atrocious one. Any organization that maims and
tortures innocent people--innocent civilians--is an organization that
should not exist.
June 7, 2007
Update
Well, as predicted (as was predictable), the criminals have been
attacking my eyes. I just got off the subway and I was being shot in
the eyes. In addition, over the last two days I have also been shot in
the hands, heart, and nose (always the nose).
They attacked my right hand because it has been injured lately. To
make a long story short: I was tired and foolish and tried to carry
some dumbbells (tools for exercising) a long distance to my home.
After that, my right hand was very sore. Then a coworker named Stephen
Cotta, a white foreigner (I think American) and a person whom I had
never met before, came to a branch of the school where I was teaching.
He came up to me and I offered my hand in friendship for a handshake.
He squeezed it very hard and wouldn't let go: I had to actually say
"Enough" to get him to release my hand. Afterwards, I had the mark of
his fingernail on my finger and my right hand has been weak ever
since. Add to that the fact that the perps havw been shooting this
hand and, well, my right hand feels weak and numb all the time lately.
The event with this guy named Steven happened three Sundays ago.
Whether or not he has any affiliation with the criminals who attack me
on a regular basis is of course speculation, but it would not be
surprising to me.
I could go into a lot of details regarding the attacks, but I don't
like to dwell on negative things. Everything the perps do used to
bother me a great deal, but after 20 years of torture (approximately
18 years of physical torture), you learn to cope. I know all this is
very difficult to believe. Maybe over time I will tell the whole story
of my life, or at least the part of my life that relates to the
perpetrators attacking me. I know it makes me more vulnerable to
future attacks by describing how their attacks affect me, but it's
just too much to keep it all inside me anymore. It is truly a
catharsis to talk about all the bad things happening to me and it
helps me preserve my sanity.
Why I left America
I was a graduate student happily working on computer science research
in America. I was a good student; I had above a 4.0 GPA. Most of all I
have always loved learning and really enjoyed the classes I was taking
and the work I was doing.
But the perpetrators had other plans for me. The life of a graduate
student is already very stressful and the workload is extremely
demanding; add to that extreme physical abuse by the perps and it
quickly became impossible for me to fulfill my duties as a graduate
student in America. I left only after great hesitation and emotional
turmoil. It is a decision that I do not regret, because there was no
way I could continue, but that is always a source of sadness. I miss
graduate school every day and miss the research environment that I was
once a part of. I will always miss it.
Things are not perfect here but they are better. It seems the perps do
not have the same power here that they have in America. I heard a very
courageous radio host, Joey Reynolds, once say that the mafia were
actually running America--i.e., running the whole country. This could
be the case. I saw so many horrible things in America and experienced
so much abuse that to me it is believable. If it is true, it would
explain who these perpetrators are and how they could make life so
difficult for me in America. Once criminals run the government of a
country, who is safe?
I love America and the promise of what America could be. America has
many good people. But the America I experienced was one of crime,
gangs and treachery. I will always feel betrayed by those in power who
hurt me because I am an American citizen. I deserve better. I did
nothing to deserve such physical brutality. I committed no crime,
broke no laws. I had no due process, no day in court. Just brutality.
I thought that to have a happy life in America, being a law-abiding
American citizen would be enough. I was wrong. You must also be "on
friendly terms" with this criminal group. At least that seems to be
the case in regards to me and my life.
It seems that "civilization" has not yet evolved to the point where
the rule of law is enough; we must also have our secret societies, our
secret protectors, to feel truly empowered and secure. The laws, the
courts, the judicial system--all of these are not enough. We must have
powerful friends, powerful connections-- friends and connections that
work above, around, and beyond the law. It's really a shame. Of
course, when those friends and connections do bad (as opposed to good)
things, who is there to stop them, to police them? No one of course--
that's exactly what the rule of law was supposed to do, but we
circumvented that by supporting and enabling these secret
"organizations" in the first place. To me, it seems that America is
not really a law-abiding society, but just one that on the surface has
the trappings of one. In fact, this may be more or less the case for
most if not all countries. Addendum: It is certainly the case with
China, where I lived for a year and experienced and saw all kinds of
corruption, and it is also probably the case with Finland, where I
spent only four days or so but was also tortured.
But do not misinterpret my words. In today's era of crazed terrorists
and terrorism, it is sadly necessary for me to say the obvious, which
is that I am in no way a terrorist and would never do anything to harm
my country or anyone in it. I just wish America and the world were
better places. I sometimes have a dream of a world with no countries--
or rather, with just one country called "Humanity". Instead of being
American or French or German, or Scandinavian or European or Asian, or
Western or Eastern, we would all just be Human, citizens of the one
country called Humanity. Would it end all wars? It might, if we could
actually do it. If we have countries, we have borders, and then those
borders must be protected, and so on... Actually, it's much deeper
than that: Once you have countries--or any divisions--you have the
notion of "us" and "them", and that's what truly leads to fear, hate,
misunderstanding and violence. We are American and they are "whatever
country's people", we are mafia and he is not, and so on. Perhaps I am
an idealist but it's good to have ideals.
It seems to me that nothing good in this world is ever achieved
without sacrifice. This doesn't mean we all have to be Mother Theresa.
We don't even have to put others' welfare above our own; it just means
we must put others' welfare on equal footing. If we only truly believe
that that it is not fair to hurt others just to save ourselves; that
we should always put others' welfare on equal footing; and that above
all else we must preserve the rule of law, no matter the cost to
ourselves--then and only then will there cease to be these secret
corrupt oligarchies.
June 5, 2007
It has been far, far too long since I wrote last. I apologize for
that. From this point on I will publish news here at least once a week
unless I am physically incapacitated and unable to do so, at which
point it is my hope that others will post a message here to let you
know what has happened to me.
I understand completely that what I say is very, very difficult to
believe. If you are not already a victim, then you *should* be
skeptical: you should read everything here with a discerning mind and
an air of skepticism. If I had not lived the life I have lived (and am
living now), I would have a difficult time believing all this as well.
But this web page has two purposes: (1) to educate those who do not
know about this problem and (2) to share my experiences with other
victims, possibly even benefiting them.
I have been tortured and maimed by criminals for 20 years now. It's
been a long enough time now that I feel that maybe, just maybe, I can
report what has happeneed and is happening dispassionately and
objectively, without the sentimentalism and dispair that have plagued
earlier attempts. At any rate, I will do my best, and if you like you
can send me feedback by using my Mail link. I cannot promise to answer
all messages, however.
Some possibly hopeful news
Enough introduction. It's been six months. A lot has happened. First
some positive news: It appears that sleeping outside, as on a balcony
or patio, reduces the ability of their weapon to suffocate. I have
been sleeping on my balcony of late and the result is much better.
What *seems* to be the case--and note the asterisks, as I am trying to
make a cautious guess and not *claiming* to be an authority on
anything here--is that sleeping indoors creates a "box effect" of
sorts: the weapon is in a way a heat type of weapon, and inside a room
or apartment it may be easier to raise the temperature and/or burn off
all the oxygen. Anyway, that is my guess. If you are suffering under
similar circumstances as mine, you may wish to try sleeping on a
balcony or patio, either in a tent or not, on some sort of mattress. I
have found things to be more comfortable *without* the tent (perhaps
for the reason mentioned above), although when it is raining a tent is
necessary.
In a way this is also sad news because it is implies that I perhaps
could have sufffered a lot less over the years if only I had known
that things would be better on a balcony or patio. The fact is that
this is the first apartment I've had in at least ten years that had a
balcony or patio. I just never had a balcony or patio to sleep on. So
it's kind of sad to think that maybe all that suffering, or at least
some significant part of it, could have been avoided by something as
simple as having a balcony. My hope is that this information may
benefit other victims.
My father's birthday
I know my father was somehow involved with the perpetrators, but I
also feel that deep down he didn't want to be, and that in many, many
ways he was a very good man. He may have even regretted being involved
towards the end of his life; but there's no way I can ever know for
sure. But he was my father, and I loved him, so let me take a moment
to remember his birthday, which is today. He was born in 1944 so if he
was alive today he would be 63. My father died of cancer in 1987 at
the age of 42.
Bad stuff
I'm not sure what else to call this part of the entry. I don't want to
be overly emotional or sentimental so I'll just use that title for
present lack of a better one. And I'll try not to be too laborious
with all of the details. The truth is--at least in my opinion, that
is--that the criminals who hurt me do too many bad things to me for me
to list every single one. For me to catalog every time they shoot me
with this weapon would be either impossible or so laborious and
tedious that I would have time for nothing else in my life, and the
excruciating details would bore you. Suffice it to say that, while
days vary, my "average" experience over the last six months is being
shot hundreds of times on a typical day, and in the past I estimate
that the daily figure often reached into thousands of times. So for me
to catalog every shot is pointless.
Eye damage
But I cannot talk about more "notable" shots or other, "bigger" stuff.
I unfortunately have some sad news to report. Something new that they
did for many months after I came to China is an intense, purposeful,
sustained attack on my eyes. As a result, my vision has suffered. For
some months now, my vision has been "dark". There's no other way to
explain it--everything is just darker, even during the day, and it
makes it harder to see. My eyes look a little weird, too, when I look
in the mirror: the two pupils are not "in sync"--one is always bigger
than the other. I remember one very intense, "long" (sustained) shot
to my left eye, and I think that maybe, as a result, my left pupil
cannot open enough to let enough light in when it should. I remember
when they shot me it felt like a sharp, painful "grinding" sensation
inside my eye. I went to a hospital here, but the doctor was not good
and really didn't help me at all, although one "watch the point of
light" test showed both eyes as being below normal (below average),
and this was not long after I had had my checkup and received a new
pair of glasses in America (which I wear now as well). Lights (bulbs
and overhead lights, etc.) also often "hurt" my eyes now and also when
I look at something for a *very short time* (as short as a few
seconds) and then look away I see that "ghosting" effect, if you know
what I mean. The ghosting effect lasts much too long and also makes it
hard for me to see sometimes.
I am feeling some shots to my eyes right now. I had a feeling that
after reading this, the criminals would resume attacking my eyes, but
I feel the truth is more important. (They have not been attacking my
eyes quite as violently in recent weeks, but still attacking my eyes
all the same). I will keep you posted. That's always been a dilemma
with me and has been one reason why I haven't updated this web page in
a long time: Because by reporting the "bad stuff" I show them exactly
what bothers me and what they can keep on attacking. By I would rather
put the truth out there; maybe some day it will help changes things in
this world, maybe it will help another victim or help prevent someone
from becoming a victim, and at any rate it helps me keep my sanity.
It's not good for me to hold it all in, and one thing that the
criminals try to do to victims is isolate them. [They just shot me in
the right eye, and then once in the nose.]
Gas
From time to time the perpetrators have put gas in my apartment,perhaps when they felt that the heat-type, radiation weapon was not
enough. I smell a certain pungent smell, and also sometimes there is
just the unmistakable smell of natural gas. If you are a victim and
sleep on a balcony or patio, they will almost certainly try to use
gas, and they have tried on me. But the effect is not nearly as bad as
being indoors and being suffocated and overheated by their radiation
weapon. In my opinion there is no comparison, and also you can blow
the gas away and blow fresh air in with fans.
Last Tuesday, May 26, in the morning, I was in my apartment doing
chores when all of the sudden my whole apartment smelled of natural
gas. It was overwhelming. I went out on my balcony and saw two men on
the roof with a air-conditioner inverted and a tank of natural gas.
Now, my apartment is next to theirs and shares a common roof, but why
all of a sudden should they put the inverter up their on the roof,
above my balcony, just after I started sleeping on the balcony? More
importantly, why did they have a *tank of gas* up there? Perhaps there
is some reasonable explanation for it; perhaps the inverter runs on
gas (who knows). All I know is, my whole apartment filled with gas,
and when I went out and confronted them, they laughed. I called the
police and it was confirmed that they did have a tank of gas up there.
I have not seen them up there again, but their inverter is up and also
since that time I have smelled gas out on the balcony, especially when
I start to lie down to sleep. Last night I heard some noise on the
roof like a pipe or hose being moved.
.
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