Re: President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: "stewart_connor" <stewartconnor@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: 29 Aug 2006 06:20:17 -0700
I don't have a complete list, but here are the first five debating
rules:
1 - Blame it on Bill Clinton
2 - Blame it on Bill Clinton's penis
3 - Employ class warfare
4 - Play the race card
5 - Blame it on Hillary Clinton
This is the list of rules for being a good Republican:
1) You must believe that Chinese Communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
2) You must believe that being a drug addict is a moral failing and a
crime, unless you are a millionaire conservative radio jock, which
makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery."
3) You must believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.
4) You must believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our
highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
5) You must believe that government should stay out of people's lives
but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the
"wrong" gender.
6) You must believe that pollution is ok, as long as it makes a profit.
7) You must believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.
8) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving
their jobs to India.
9) You must believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
10) You must believe that Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your
hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.
11) You hate the ACLU for representing convicted felons, but they owed
it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
12) You must believe that the best way to encourage military morale is
to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.
13) You must believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins
that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a
Republican.
14) You must believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because
we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
15) You must believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to
alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.
16) You must believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's
and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.
17) You must believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
government policy but providing health care to all Americans is
socialism personified.
18) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are
"junk science" but Creationism should be taught in schools.
19) You must believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in
Vietnam but right in Iraq.
20) You must believe that Saddam was good guy when Reagan armed him, a
bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was
doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't
find Bin Laden" diversion.
21) You must believe that government should restrict itself to just the
powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages
and censoring the Internet.
22) You must believe that the public has a right to know about the
adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a
"private matter."
23) You must believe that the public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28
pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle
the truth.
24) You must support state rights, which means that Alberto will tell
states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to
have.
25) You must believe that what Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest but what Bush did decades later is "stale news" and
"irrelevant."
26) You must believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of
6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the
Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good wholesome reading.
27) You must believe that everyone should support the troops - except
when it comes to paying them.
28) You must believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't
worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't
been in charge.
29) You must believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite
the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich
conservatives and 99% of all major media personalities are
conservatives.
30) You must believe that 9/11 was the fault of [insert Axis of Evil
member state here].
.
- References:
- President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: stewart_connor
- Re: President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: Jerry Okamura
- Re: President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: stewart_connor
- Re: President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: Jerry Okamura
- Re: President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: stewart_connor
- Re: President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
- From: Nutty_American
- President Carter kicks "Bush's poodle"
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