God and me.

I was an atheist for many many years.
Until long after thw w
Once facing certain death in war and with certain kill shoots from my
nemesis . meeting my Grandmom and others and approaching the end goal
light in the tunnel....somebody said..".it ain't my will..
Its the will of the guy with the gun".

Now I went through a great lot committing myself to death and being told
it "wasn't His will" was extremely disturbing.

I had the whole thing, the tunnel and my deceased relatives etc......

So I woke up and went back to war. I believe at that point I experianced
battle rage. Is that what they call it?
I was deffinately at war, down town, around corners. I was crazed and
"went to war".

Anyway, I was an atheist. So going nutso trying to kill back was a
different experiance from Christian pacifisim.

So I hated men who played dead for many years. I hated very full
I had to run over them and feel their bodies react telling me they were
playig dead. Good idea, right? Play dead?

Without fear, there is no courage. Some can bring courage to fear.

Many years later, I acceted the exsistance of God.


I thought I could explain something about the actual practice of the
true nature of man that Jesus certaily knew and advertisd..Which I accet
today, for comment. And I can't.

Not now.

I'll save this groups adddress and check back later maybe, okay?

I AM with God today.

Yes, I am a wanton killer....in desire but fate denied me the knowledge
of certain enemy dead. And I am a certain dead of the battle, like
Grandmom said in the tunnel,

And I forgive myself.

Yeah ...glory...not a one of them bodies squirming under my charging
feet died.
I didn't lose a one. I led em, there anyway......

With out fear, sometimes overpowering fear,, there is no courage.
The darkest hour.........

I'll save this group address because there is something I need to
witness to with Christians.

I can't do it tonight.

I just picked tis group out of the list.

I'll come back.