Re: Heidi Graw needs a clue (was Re: On monogamy)

Heidi Graw wrote:

No, I don't believe he would have said "yes" regardless.

OK. And this shows you do not understand men, or that your
husband is exceptional, or both.

He was ready to commit to a monogamous marriage
and his actions of the past 28 years are proof of that.

No they aren't. It could be that he simply knows you would
leave if he had an affair (as you've stated) and values his
relationship with you over having affairs. That does not
prove that he would not like to sleep with anyone else!

Btw, Andrew, since you insisted on an answer, I related
our conversation to my husband. By the time he chose
to get married, he really and truly was prepared to settle
down and commit to just one. He married me when he
was 27...old enough to decide what he wanted in life.

You're never old enough to make a final decision until you're
too old to really live.

It's not as if my husband is unaware of the consequences
should he be discovered having an affair.

Then you can't assert that he refrains from it only from his own
conviction.

As for violence, we know all women use violence, why shouldn't
men?

*All* women? I don't think so! I don't go around beating up
on men. Why would I debase myself in that way? I don't
even screech or scream at my husband. I have no reason to!

Why should I trust you? If you did, after all, you probably wouldn't
admit it.

Look, I'm not just imagining this. I saw what my mother did to my
father continually and no one outside the house knew. The few times I
tried to talk to someone about it, I got responses that basically
indicated to me that this was normal. Shouldn't I assume that it is?

> Andrew wrote:
> There's no such thing as 'a polygamist', at least among men.

True enough. Although, a polygamist can be found among women.
Yet, given that men are now in some areas allowed to marry
each other, I don't think it'll be too far in the future to find
a polygamist among men. The potential for it exists.

In English, please?

> This: 'Jesus Christ. There's nothing difficult _at all_ about
> refraining from marrying the women you love, knowing that she might
> well leave you if you don't. *facepalm* '
>
> You _still_ haven't given an answer to this. No reasonable answer
> would be consistent with your beliefs.

There are plenty of other fish in the ocean. If she cannot accept
your dalliances with other women, find one who will. Find a group
of women willing to accept you. You might have better luck
in an area where women are accustomed to sharing one man
among themselves. If no women *here* will accomodate you,
then go *elsewhere* to find them.

This isn't an answer. Men simply do not think that way. And your
personal comments are irrelevant.

Andrew Usher
.

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