Re: Thoughts on Stand By Your Man
- From: "ddnoe@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <ddnoe@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 26 Oct 2007 08:01:57 -0700
On Oct 26, 10:11 am, Jill <aske...@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Didn't you just post this about a month ago?
(Denise) No, Jill, I did not. I hadn't written it a month ago. What
I posted a month ago was a request to discuss the song. I was trying
to get input on it before I wrote my essay on it.
On Fri, 26 Oct 2007 02:06:07 -0700, "dd...@xxxxxxxxxxxxx"
<dd...@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Thoughts on Stand By Your Man
By Denise Noe
"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman/Giving all your love to just one
man" begins the famous Tammy Wynette song, Stand By Your Man.
Why is it hard to be "a woman giving all your love to just one man"?
It is hard because it is unnatural. Women, like men, feel a natural
pull toward sexual variety. No matter how much a woman is committed to
a man, she will feel attracted to others. Women, like men, may choose
to adopt the discipline of fidelity but this discipline requires
thwarting the impulses placed in them by nature.
The next lines are: "He'll have good times and you'll have bad time
doing things that you don't understand." There is a sense of
traditional female martyrdom in these lines: the faithful, sober wife
appears to be contrasted to the promiscuous, drunken husband.
And the man's infidelity is indeed painful to his wife. While monogamy
is natural to neither sex, sexual jealousy is natural to both which
may be a factor in monogamy being adopted as an ideal in the West.
Jealousy in men probably evolved as an adaptation to safeguard against
men's resources going to children not their own. Jealousy in women
probably evolved because women don't want resources diverted from
their own children to children their husbands sire with other women.
The song continues: "But if you love him, you'll forgive him, even
though he's hard to understand." These lines may turn some listeners
off as some would urge women to be less forgiving of traditionally
male vices. However, forgiveness is a necessity for all of us, male
and female alike. We are moral animals, able to understand right from
wrong. But we all have natures that, depending on one's viewpoint, are
either Fallen or the consequence of an amoral natural selection. In
either case, our natures are subject to strong impulses to do wrong
and hurtful things. Thus, forgiveness is a necessity for any good
working relationship and especially one as intimate as marriage.
"Stand by your man and let the whole world know you love him." This
sentiment seems praiseworthy. It may even be regarded as egalitarian!
It doesn't advise women to follow BEHIND them men to stand BESIDE
them. It tells them to be emotionally supportive and to let their love
show. This is good advice. A man whose wife obviously loves and
respects him is a man likely to be respected by other people - and to
respect himself. The building of men's esteem need not be at women's
expense but can be to their mutual benefit.
"Give him two arms to cling to/When nights are cold and lonely." Here
the song speaks of the healing qualities of sexuality much as did
Marvin Gaye's soul hit, Sexual Healing. Sexual union can leave men,
like women, feeling replenished and rejuvenated even as it combats
loneliness.
The song continues: "Stand by your man/And tell the world you love
him." It later says to "show the world you love him." A man whose wife
is openly affectionate to him is a man who is apt to have a solid
sense of his own worth.
Stand By Your Man has been a controversial song. Some listeners heard
in it a plea for women to allow abuse and mistreatment - a message
Wynette herself insisted was not there. Hillary Clinton once said,
"I'm not some little Tammy Wynette, standing by my man." According to
Wynette, Hillary later realized the offensiveness of the comment and
called Wynette to apologize. Wynette later sang Stand By Your Man at a
Clinton function.
In an interview with Jay Leno, Wynette talked about Hillary Clinton's
insult to the song and later apology. Wynette also discussed how some
women reacted negatively to its verses "But if you love him you'll
forgive him/ . . . 'Cause after all he's just a man." She said those
women thought she was advocating "the old Double Standard." Wynette
said that was not what she meant at all and that she believes "a man
should stand by his woman" as well.
I believe Stand By Your Man is a problematic song. It can be
reasonably be heard as saying men are malefactors and women their
victims. It can also be heard as harboring contempt for men in the
line that says he's "just" a man.
However, I think the popularity of Stand By Your Man can be seen as
reflecting healthy support for its call to women to be solidly
supportive of the men in their lives.
Since it was written for a woman singer, it is given from the female
viewpoint but the basic messages can be seen as applying to all of us
since women, like men, are fallible, sometimes need to be forgiven,
can be hard to understand, yearn for sexual union, and are flattered
and strengthened when those close to them show their love -- and stand
by them.
.
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- Thoughts on Stand By Your Man
- From: ddnoe@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Thoughts on Stand By Your Man
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