Dr. Andre, Canadian MD. (skit) Enjoy!

Andre,

You introduced a specific claim out of the blue and when I simply asked
for proof using your rules of engagement, you balked.

That said, here's a fun skit about someone visiting a Canadian hospital
run by the honorable Canadian lumberjack team. Enjoy:

[Patient walks into hospital. Budget cutbacks require people to walk to
the hospital. It's more healthy, eh? You don't want to be fat like the
Americans, eh?]

Patient: "Hello! Is anyone there? I just had a heart attack!"

[no answer]

Patient: "Hello! Listen, I just came over the border from the U.S.
and..."

[Dr. Andre breaks away from the gaggle of gorgeous, thin,
French-Canadian nurses fawning over him and rushes to the front desk]

Dr. Andre: "Oh! You came from the UNITED STATES, did you!?!? Canada is
SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER than there!!!! I know so much about the
United States! I can't stop talking about it! Canada is a great
country unlike the United States which makes our drugs for us we buy on
a discount and has a space program and..."

[goes on for a half hour]

Patient (trying to avoid falling from the floor out of boredom that
makes his heart attack feel mild by comparison): "Listen, Dr. Andre, I
really need some medical care and can't wait."

Dr. Andre: "Who said you're waiting!?!? You're not waiting! You need
to wait for 30 days and if you think you're waiting, you're not! We say
so! Any claim otherwise is proof not offered, claim fails! We just had
a study that claims you don't wait! But you have to wait for it until
you provide proof! Oh, did I mention the United States in the last few
sentences?!?!..."

Patient: "Thank you Doctor. Could you please give me your expert advice
on whether the symptoms of numbness I feel now is due to the heart
attack or watching Canadian television?"

Dr. Andre: "You can find out those answers at the library and on google.
Google, which is based in the United States BTW, is a useful resource
for information and many books about medicine are also useful. I have
read many of them and..."

Patient: "I know you read them. I could read them too. But you claimed
to be the expert so I had hoped that you might give me some info without
sending me to read a book..."

Dr. Andre: "I can tell you right now how... the U.S. SUCKS compared to
Canada! It sucks SOOOO bad that the world talks about them as compared
to us. Canada is so great that Michael Moore doesn't want to live here
even as he worships the ground we walk on!"

Patient: "I'm hoping I can afford healthcare."

Dr. Andre: "You'll be happy to know, after you wait, (not that you are
waiting), that you'll get the finest healthcare our studies claim on a
fraction of the U.S.'s healthcare budget buys. Would you like an 8oz
can of coke while you ponder that? With healthcare taxes, that comes
out to be about $2 bucks in strong Canadian money..."

[Patient hands over some pretty Canadian money for his "petit" Coke]

Patient: "It's nice to know, er, that Canadian healthcare is so
efficient. Do you have to provide service to several millions of
illiterate third worlders and racial minorities like the U.S. does?"

Dr. Andre: "Of course not! We actually want immigrants with skills!
(That doesn't stop us from bashing the Americans for wanting to enforce
their laws though.) It helps to balance the budget when you have so
many more white people and asians around. But you didn't hear that from
me! Besides, the U.S. doesn't provide health care to the uninsured!"

Patient: "Didn't you claim some time ago that they spent most of their
money providing care for the uninsured and that's why their budget was
so overblown?"

Dr. Andre: "If you were HONORABLE, you would provide proof of what you
just said. I need not say anything more. GOOD DAY SIR!"

Patient: "But..."

Dr. Andre: "I said GOOD DAY! PLONK! I'm not talking to you anymore!
PLONK! PLONK!"

Patient: (muttering under his breath) "Fine... I'll just go the U.S.
then for treatment..."

Dr. Andre: "Where do you think you're going?!?! You said something
about the U.S.A didn't you? I have to talk to you..."

[Canadian nurses begin to get bored and start making out with the
lumberjack orderies, camera fades away...]
.

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