Re: 'Mommy Wars': To Work or Stay at Home?

Heidi Graw wrote:
<ddnoe@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1140695830.514122.245360@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(Denise) It's not alarming that women are leaving the work force. It
is alarming that attention to this issue always focuses on it as if it
were purely women's decision and completely ignores those people -- men
-- who are, according to many, supposed to make it possible for women
to have the choice to leave the work force. I've got an essay called
"Stay-at-home-moms and the neglected men's perspective" up at
http://mensnewsdaily.com/blog/dnoe.


Denise, this decision to stay at home or not are private marital issues.

Since when is marriage "private?" :-)

Feminists for some time have argued that the state should bankroll
women's decisions to have children or to penalize men during divorce
for having
their wife "sacrifice" their job to stay at home (even if she demanded
it.)

A
couple may or may not quibble over these things. Then once a decision is
made, it's the women making those public statements that they've chosen to
be those stay-at-home moms. In a way these women are claiming, "See? I've
got a hubby who can support his wife and children....neener, neener,
neener..."

Indeed! When I was dating, I _never_ encountered a woman's libber who
would go on and on about equality because they were terrified I might
take them up on it and let them pick up the check. :-) In a
post-feminist
world, the ability to get an abortion or high paying fortune 500 job
are
useless abstractions for most women as compared to finding one
of the dwinding supply of men who meet up to 1950's standards...

So, just what are these men to say to the public? "No, I don't agree with
my wife's decision. I don't want to support my wife and the kids all by
myself. Her decision puts an onerous burden upon me. I can't handle it?"

They could say that they didn't want her to leave her job but she
begged and pleaded to be supported. This would undermine the
Friedan case that the women are "sacrificing" anything or that
men want to chain women barefoot to the sink.

Instead, the men's silence allows those who want to believe that men
just LOVE working hard to pay the bills unconditionally to continue
living
in that fantasy world for a little while longer.

There are men who do have pride! They don't particularly want it made
publically known they are unable to support their wives and children. There
are also men who believe supporting wife and kids puts them at a higher
status above other men. "See? I can afford to support wife and kids. I'm
better than you are, neener, neener, neener..."

If that was the case, then the men could have still appeared and put
on a maucho act as I've seen some insecure men do in the past.

I can understand why most men would object to media attention about their
inability and unwillingess to support wives and children on their own. It
can be viewed by others as an admission of failure, inadequacies, etc.
Instead, they'll succumb and cave in to their wives' choice and will try to
do the best they can.

I don't think most men mind, really. If the man is that insecure, he's
going to be in denial. Most men don't fear, or gravitate, towards
Oprah-style media circuses.

Is it fair? I don't think so. I believe the choice of whether or not to
stay-at-home must be a *mutual* agreement that is *willingly* and
*voluntarily* entered into without using coersion or dictatorial measures.
And if a husband should publically claim his wife coerced him, how might the
public and other men look at that?

Pretty much with the same dismissive attitude today towards men
who complain about the unfairness in divorce court or hiring.

It may be that men are not talking about the discussion that led to their
wives being those at-home-moms because they fear the shame that might be
attached not being up to the challenge.

Heidi

Perhaps. It's also likely that the women cried and moaned and the men
felt sorry for them which is what the women didn't want exposed on
national TV either.

Heidi, if the men had something to hide, do you REALLY, SINCERELY think
that the media wouldn't smell blood and drag these men in by their
fingernails? Hmmm?

regards,
PolishKnight

.

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