Re: Is it OK to be rude to people ?
- From: Liz <pandora@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 08 Sep 2006 09:04:14 +0100
Steve Bamford wrote:
There have been a number of threads recently covering issues such as of what counts as offensive, how important or otherwise it is to be polite to people even if they ask silly or irrelevant questions, etc. I'm quite clear in my own mind that it *isn't* OK to respond rudely - as I've said elsewhere, you always have the option of ignoring posts if you don't feel the poster has a legitimate right to benefit from your expertise, if you don't feel inclined to respond politely. I believe there's an old saying that if you can't think of anything pleasant to say it's better to say nothing.
However it's clear that many on this NG disagree with this view. On reading the recent "Moody" thread I found myself quite taken aback by the number of people who seemed to think it's OK to respond in ways which to me are clearly offensive. As I find this completely unacceptable I really felt I didn't want to have any dealings with people who thought this way, regardless of how expert they were - and found myself reluctantly killfiling several people who appear to be well-respected in their field.
I am now coming to the point where I wonder whether I still want to subscribe to this group. I know several people have commented that other NGs are far more aggressive - but this hasn't been my experience with the few others I've subscribed to. I would therefore welcome any reassurance that sufficient people think being polite is important for me to want to hang on in (either privately or publicly).
Steve
From the content of this post I am probably one of the killfiled so after this there will be no point in my responding to Steve, even if I know the answer to a query.
The Subject of this post is, technically, OT .... being more of a philosophical question. 'Is it OK to be rude to people?' What answer can be expected? 'Yes, of course, let's all insult each other to the max' or 'No. All people who show any shortness of temper or lack of infinite patience must be silenced and ignored'. My answer is, umm, it depends ...... there is a difference between rude for rude's sake and rude as a response to something said or done......
I think the main impression I have from Steve's post here is that he is not prepared to accept any other view of 'rudeness' than his own and what is more he is prepared to cut off his nose to spite his face in order to associate only with the pure at heart. Which is his choice and privilege. Though, leaving myself out of the equation, anyone who has apparently killfiled Lesley Robertson, Cheryl Singhals and Brian Pears for starters has created something if a handicap to his research..... And, lest we forget, both Eve and Roy have been known to be a tad tetchy and would probably fall at the 'rudeness' fence pretty soon.....
I don't see how anyone can offer the reassurance Steve asks for. Most posts here on most days are completely straightforward and factual, or humorous and easily pass a politeness test. Every so often aggravation flares up and there is a testy exchange or an acrimonious thread. That won't stop. But people who do not like that sort of thing learn to kill threads, or ignore them.
It seems to me to be a very odd relationship to research if one is only going to accept assistance from people who have passed some sort of 'niceness' exam, and whose knowledge and expertise are irrelevant. But, as I said, Steve's choice.
Liz (Greenwich UK)
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