Re: US betrays Britain on Falklands


"Josiah Jenkins" <josiah-jenkins@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:n440p5h30ngtnh31ss8mt12g77mebravfh@xxxxxxxxxx
On Thu, 4 Mar 2010 09:49:19 -0500, "conwaycaine"
<conwaycaine@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

I once earned a living writing and debugging computer programs

But . . . Were you a *real* programer ???


As real as they get, doc.
BTW, the following list pretty much covers the list of NoNos I gave me
programmers (except for the language comments you mentioned).

May I add:
Always use machine language whenever possible. Why make it easy on your
successors?
The more complicated the logic, the more job security.
No shop is complete without an endless supply of cigarettes and coffee.
Subconsciously wire hairy problems into your code, the better for the
exciting challenge of debugging.
..

REAL PROGRAMERS....

...Don't write applications programs... They program right
down to the bare metal. Application programs are only for
those dullards who can't do system programming.

...Don't write specs... Users should be grateful for whatever
they get, in fact they are lucky to get any program at all.

...Don't comment their code... If it was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.

...Don't draw flowcharts...Flowcharts are, after all, the
illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts;
Look how much it did for them.

...Don't read manuals...Reliance on a reference is a hallmark
of the novice and the coward.

...Don't use Cobol...Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.

...Don't use Fortran... Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear
white socks and pipe stress freaks and who get excited over finite
state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.

...Don't use PL/I...PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't
choose between Cobol and Fortran.

...Don't use BASIC...In fact, NO programer uses BASIC after
reaching puberty.

...Don't use APL...Unless the whole program can be written
on one line.

...Don't use LISP...Only effemitate programers use more
parentheses than actual code.

...Don't use Pascal, Bliss, ADA or any of those sissy-pinko
computer science languages...

...Never work 9 to 5...If any real programers are around
at 9am, it's only because they were up all night.

...Disdain structured programming...Structured programing
is for compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who
wear neck-ties and carefully line up sharpened pencils on
an otherwise uncluttered desk.

...Don't like the team programming concept...Unless,
of course, they are the Chief Programer.

...Have no use for managers...Managers are a necessary evil.
Managers are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean
counters, senior planners and other mental defectives.

...Scorn floating point arithmetic... The decimal point was
invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big".

...Don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules,
Managers "firm up" schedules and frightened Coders strive
to meet schedules. Real programers ignore schedules.

...Love vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the
microwave oven. Real programers use the heat given off by
the CPU and can tell which job is running just by listening
to the rate of popping.
--

http://www.ian-stewart.eu


.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: US betrays Britain on Falklands
    ... I once earned a living writing and debugging computer programs ... ....Don't use Cobol...Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers. ... ....Never work 9 to 5...If any real programers are around ... ....Don't believe in schedules. ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Re: US betrays Britain on Falklands
    ... I once earned a living writing and debugging computer programs ... ...Don't write applications programs... ... ...Never work 9 to 5...If any real programers are around ... ...Don't believe in schedules. ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Re: US betrays Britain on Falklands
    ... ...Don't write applications programs... ... ...Don't use Fortran... ... ...Never work 9 to 5...If any real programers are around ... ...Don't believe in schedules. ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)