Re: A tale of two laptops (was): Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most gabby of us all?


"Josiah Jenkins" <josiah-jenkins@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:8lc9l3lspkulob3uml07i1spjvgnitdohl@xxxxxxxxxx
On Mon, 3 Dec 2007 16:02:44 -0500, "The Fifeshire Bimbo"
<htr@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

"Cory Bhreckan" <coryvreckan@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote
Conway Caine wrote:

< Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip, Snip,>
Just wondering where they fit in here . . .


REAL PROGRAMERS....

...Don't write applications programs... They program right down to the
bare metal. Application programs are only for those dullards who can't
do system programming.

Machine language or, for the effete, Assembler language

...Don't write specs... Users should be grateful for whatever they
get, in fact they are lucky to get any program at all.

The creative process is stultified by long, labourous spec writing. Let the
code flow.

...Don't comment their code... If it was hard to write, it should be
hard to understand and even harder to modify.

Now I'm a believer in commenting code. Nothing like going back to a program
and wondering what in the heck this papagraph is sopposed to accomplish.

...Don't draw flowcharts...Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's
form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts;
Look how much it did for them.

The sole purpose of a flowchart was to make the boss think we knew what we
were about.
Besides, we had software which would read the code and gen flowcharts.
Much better.

...Don't read manuals...Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
novice and the coward.

You are dead meat without a manual.

...Don't use Cobol...Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.

If the complier functions properly, yes.
If the compiler does not function properly, you'd best be a very good at
reading machine language.

...Don't use Fortran... Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear white
socks and pipe stress freaks and who get excited over finite state
analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.

I wrote one application in Fortran back when IBM was touting the language
for general purpose business applications.
IBM lied.

...Don't use PL/I...PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose
between Cobol and Fortran.

PL/1 was a marvel back in the days of the 360/370 series.

...Don't use BASIC...In fact, NO programer uses BASIC after reaching
puberty.

I LOVED Basic.
Basic spiffed up my Access applications beyond belief.

...Don't use APL...Unless the whole program can be written on one
line.

Never tried it
...Don't use LISP...Only effemitate programers use more parentheses
than actual code.

Never tried it either

...Don't use Pascal, Bliss, ADA or any of those sissy-pinko computer
science languages...

Nope.
(Weren't a couple of these AI languagers?)


...Never work 9 to 5...If any real programers are around at 9am, it's
only because they were up all night.

...Disdain structured programming...Structured programing is for
compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neck-ties
and carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered
desk.

...Don't like the team programming concept...Unless, of course, they
are the Chief Programer.

...Have no use for managers...Managers are a necessary evil. Managers
are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners
and other mental defectives.

...Scorn floating point arithmetic... The decimal point was invented
for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big".

...Don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules, Managers
"firm up" schedules and frightened Coders strive to meet schedules.
Real programers ignore schedules.

...Love vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven.
Real programers use the heat given off by the CPU and can tell which
job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.

-- jjj




.

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