Re: The Highlander confesses...

On Fri, 27 Jul 2007 19:24:40 GMT, "Conway Caine"
<ccaine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:


"The Highlander" <micheil@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:sfsha35ilkbm4dc6cahn7ftv69gbraoq9k@xxxxxxxxxx
Yesterday, being thoroughly fed up with sitting home looking at my leg
raised above my head, I decided to get some exercise.

During a four mile spin on my bike, I ran over a rock I hadn't noticed
and am now the proud owner of two sprained wrists, a scraped shin on
the other leg, a skinned knee, a broken nail, and multiple scrapes and
bruises.

My God, man,. how much more of this before you take up a less dangerous mode
of transportation?
Yes, "thick as two planks".

There's nothing dangerous about the mode - it's the halfwit in charge
that's the problem!


Being Canada, people stood off at a distance, shouting, "Are you all
right?" - the usual attempt to offer any assistance short of actual
help - while cars slowly navigated around the wreckage, children's
laughing faces pressed against the windows and tiny fingers making
obscene gestures.

I slunk home and repaired my injuries by myself, not wishing to be the
target of my doctor's wagging finger and tongue.

Best wishes, Lagavulin, money and gifts of teenage daughters may be
sent to:

Home for the Geriatric Half-Witted
Richmond, BC.
Canada.

I called my daughter, the cop lady for sympathy. She leapt to the
task, saying, "Do you remember what Mum once said - "Highlanders;
nice-looking men; thick as two planks?"

I have just finished adding her name to my will, typing with my nose.

(For non-Scots; we leave our debts to our children; not our
possessions. which we sell in advance to ensure that our funerals are
memorable drunken bashes. I had to work for those possesions - let my
kids do the same!)

I'm becoming aware that "He" up there may be getting ready to put the
boot in and is experimenting with a suitable end to my life... I don't
have many illusions about my next address; my coal shovel is by the
door, along with my teddy bear....

(How am I doing so far? Jane? Sheila?)




The Highlander
Tilgibh smucaid air do làmhan,
togaibh a' bhratach dhubh agus
toisichibh a' geàrradh na sgòrnanan!
.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: The Highlander confesses...
    ... I slunk home and repaired my injuries by myself, ... Best wishes, Lagavulin, money and gifts of teenage daughters may be ... possessions. ... Bloody hell Highlander - are you trying to do away with yourself? ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Re: The Highlander confesses...
    ... I slunk home and repaired my injuries by myself, ... Best wishes, Lagavulin, money and gifts of teenage daughters may be ... possessions. ... Bloody hell Highlander - are you trying to do away with yourself? ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Re: The Highlander confesses...
    ... laughing faces pressed against the windows and tiny fingers making ... I slunk home and repaired my injuries by myself, ... Best wishes, Lagavulin, money and gifts of teenage daughters may be ... possessions. ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Re: The Highlander confesses...
    ... laughing faces pressed against the windows and tiny fingers making ... I slunk home and repaired my injuries by myself, ... Best wishes, Lagavulin, money and gifts of teenage daughters may be ... possessions. ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)
  • Re: The Highlander confesses...
    ... I slunk home and repaired my injuries by myself, ... Best wishes, Lagavulin, money and gifts of teenage daughters may be ... possessions. ... For a minute I thought it read 'the Highlander Cross dresses'! ...
    (soc.culture.scottish)