Women of Valor May be Courting Cancer

On the Tzfat (my home town) lists I posted the following. I wrote what
I did because I know that a good percentage of the good religious
women of Tzfat do not confront their lords and masters. They keep all
their feelings in for the God All Mighty principle of Sh'lom Bayit
(Peace in the Home). Community pressure enforces religious women to
put on a face of being a happy wife and mother of darling, well-
behaved children. She must look delighted to be utterly devoted to
them. I remember one young boy saying to me of his almost blind
Mother: "She's a real Eshet Chayil (a woman of valor, perhaps value in
the minds of some too). She never rests, not for a moment. She's
always doing something for us."

This is the result in far too many cases:

According to an article that appeared in the 19/10/07 edition of one
of the Tzfat local papers, "Chadash B'Galil", there has been an 11%
increase in the incidence of cancer in Tzfat.

We are in fifth place in incidents of cancer per capita in the nation.
We are after Chaifa and Tel Aviv, and before Afula and Tiveria.

This is very odd considering the fact that Tzfat is located on a
mountain and is legendary for its pristine pure air.

All of the other towns are far more industrialized than Tzfat. Tel
Aviv is home to a great deal of manufacturing. Chaifa is home to some
of the most dangerous chemical manufacturing possible as anyone who
has gone near the port can attest.

Women are 6 times more likely than men to become ill with cancer.

What environmental factors would contribut to this?

I'd like to make a suggestion. When I was young I remember a number of
women who became ill with cancer. They all had one thing in common -
suppressed misery and rage. They were "good eggs" who lived only for
their husbands and children. They sacrificed themselves entirely. For
their efforts, they were not appreciated by their husband. Their
children respected them a bit more, but still saw them as floor rags.

I believe, and there are oncologists who agree entirely with this,
that there are emotional factors that play a part in carcinogenesis.

I think there are simply a great deal of women in Tzfat who are
miserable with their lives and dare not express their feelings to
themselves or to others.

The cancer allows them to opt out of the lives that they hate.

Certainly, this is not always the case. But is a known phenomenon and
we should be considering it, in my opinion.

D2

To which a contributor responded:

Doreen and Friends, The following article crossed my
e-mail desk that provides some US stats regarding your
hypothesis about women who "dare not express their
feelings". I apologize for not having a specific web
site address.

I have been trained in the Simonton Cancer Counseling
Technique, worked with clients / learners diagnosed
with cancer, and upon my aliyah in a month would be
available should anyone have the need to dialogue.
The Simonton Technique agrees with you that family
dynamics and silence along with other factors may well
relate to a cancer diagnosis.

May we all communicate consciously and experience
wholeness,
Kris Ayalla

Kris Ayalla Klinger Jeter, Ph.D.


Silent Spouse SOS
Why Keeping Quiet May Harm Your Health
By Edward C. Geehr, MD
www.lifescript.com
Sunday, October 21, 2007


How many times have you wanted to give your husband a
piece of your mind – and then thought better of it?
According to a new study, biting your tongue isn’t a
good idea. Such silence exacts a price…

We’ve all been there: We’re annoyed with our spouse
and have a particularly cutting comment ready to let
fly, but we decide it’s easier to say nothing and
avoid adding to the stress we already feel. However, a
recent study suggests that may not be the best
decision for women, especially when it comes to having
a long and healthy life.

Researchers at Boston University and Eaker
Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Maryland,
found that a married woman’s health may be more
closely linked to the marital strain she experiences
than to the happiness or unhappiness she feels in her
marriage. Perhaps most important, those who bottle up
their feelings may be at increased risk of dying.

The Hazards of Wedded Bliss

The researchers examined data from about 1,800 men and
1,900 women drawn from the famous 50-year Framingham
Heart Study, trying to determine if marriage and
marital strain were related to heart disease and
mortality over a 10-year period. Previous research had
suggested that marital strain is associated with heart
disease. But this study looked at specific aspects of
marital strain and its link to heart disease and
death.

What the recent study found breaks new ground in
understanding marital stress and health risks. First,
women who bit their tongues during a conflict with
their spouse had four times the risk of dying compared
to women who did not.

Second, men whose working wives were upset by their
jobs, which morphed into disruptions at home, were
almost three times more likely to develop coronary
heart disease than men whose working wives reported
greater job satisfaction.

And third, there was no relationship between couples’
happiness (or unhappiness) in their marriage and the
development of coronary disease or death.

This study’s scrutiny of marriage is not new. Much
research over the past three decades has examined the
health effects of marital strain. A large Israeli
study in the 1970s demonstrated that a wife’s love and
support helped reduce her husband’s risk of developing
angina (chest pain caused by a reduction in blood flow
to the heart). In 2000, the Journal of the American
Medical Association reported that Swedish women who
had been hospitalized for heart attack or angina had a
nearly threefold higher risk of recurrence if they
reported marital stress.

Another study published in 2002 found that men who
divorced had a 40% increased risk of death compared to
those who remained married. For men and women with
congestive heart failure, four-year survival rates
were higher among those who were happily married.

Men and Women Are Different

Previous research has also attempted to understand the
reasons behind the link between marital stress and
poor health. Not surprisingly, men with underlying
hostile feelings react to stressful marital
interactions with heightened cardiovascular responses.
But wives with underlying hostility don’t show the
same heightened cardiovascular responses, suggesting
the sexes differ when it comes to handling marital
stress.

Other researchers have looked at differences in the
way men’s and women’s hormones react to stress,
independent of marriage. The researchers measured both
heart rates and hormone levels (testosterone for men,
estrogen for women) while the men and women reacted to
various stressors.

The men’s heart rates and testosterone levels
increased significantly when the men responded with
hostility. But no evidence linked hostility,
depression or anxiety in women with changes in
cardiovascular response or estrogen levels. Again,
this supports findings that women handle stress
differently than men, in or outside of marriage.

Building on Gender Findings

The current study took the research even further,
examining factors such as marital strain, marital
happiness and satisfaction, disagreements, and
feelings of being loved in relation to health effects.
It also examined the reaction to conflict with one’s
spouse and the effect of a woman’s work outside the
home, neither of which had been examined before.

What the researchers found is that the men were more
likely to report a happier marriage and more marital
satisfaction than the women, although there were no
differences in the number of reported marital
disagreements between the groups.

But what men and women feel they disagree about seems
to vary: Women were more likely than men to report
disagreements on family finances, leisure time,
raising of children, household chores, and drinking.
Men were more likely to report disagreements over sex.


No One’s Heart Is Safe

Still, for men anyway, marriage seems a safer state
than bachelorhood. For instance, numerous studies have
confirmed that married men live longer than unmarried
men. The findings extend to recently divorced males,
as well, whose suddenly single lives grow shorter
(sometimes called “the divorcיe’s revenge”).

Less well-studied are the effects of marriage on
women. Although women tend to live longer than men and
married women may have lower death rates from
cardiovascular disease, no one’s yet proven that
marriage assures a longer lifespan for women.

Even the Eaker study, which affirms a beneficial
relationship between marriage and mortality, undercuts
that finding with another significant one: Women who
reported that they kept their feelings to themselves
when in conflict with their spouses – a process called
self-silencing – had more than four times the risk of
dying during the 10-year follow-up than women who more
freely expressed their feelings.

The theory of self-silencing emerged in the early
1990s. The concept is that a spouse may silence her
thoughts and feelings in an effort to maintain safe
and intimate relationships. But men and women who
self-silence are also more likely to suffer
depression, and women to have irritable bowel
syndrome.

In the present study, both men and women
self-silenced, but the men appeared not to suffer any
ill health as a result. Women on the other hand, paid
a high price.

Get specific.
Try to say how you feel beyond generalities such as
“bad” or “upset.” Letting your husband know that
you’re irritated is different than telling him you’re
angry.

Stick with “I” statements.
Saying, “You always…,” will only make your husband
feel defensive and cornered. Instead, use sentences
that start with “I” such as “I feel tired and annoyed
when I come home to a sink full of dirty dishes.”

Sort through the feelings.
You may also keep quiet because the situation is a
recurring one or a subject you always fight about. And
you may recognize that your husband has his own
pressures. However, you can acknowledge all that and
still get your own feelings out of your system. For
instance, you could say, “I love it when you take out
the garbage and I know how busy you are. But I feel
busy and stressed at work, too – and burdened by
household chores. Can we alternate the days we each do
dishes?”

Do You Fight Fair?

No relationship is perfect, and at some point you're
going to have a confrontation with a coworker,
neighbor or someone you love. Disagreements can be a
way to respectfully voice your opinion and carefully
consider the other person's thoughts - or they can be
an all-out, name-calling fiasco.

The only marital strain that put men at increased
health risk was the disruptive effect that a spouse’s
work might have at home. If the men noted that their
wives were upset by their professional work and that
raised a ruckus at home, the men were nearly three
times more likely to develop cardiovascular heart
disease.

Still, the usual measures of marital strain such as
dissatisfaction, unhappiness or disagreements didn’t
appear significantly related to heart disease or
death.

Vent for Life
If you’re a self-silencer, you may want to try letting
loose – not an easy transition for someone used to
keeping mum. Below are some suggestions to get you
started:

Be respectful.
One reason that you may keep quiet is because you’re
afraid you’ll say something you’ll regret. But you can
tell your spouse how you feel while still acting
respectful of his feelings.

Get specific.
Try to say how you feel beyond generalities such as
“bad” or “upset.” Letting your husband know that
you’re irritated is different than telling him you’re
angry.

Stick with “I” statements.
Saying, “You always…,” will only make your husband
feel defensive and cornered. Instead, use sentences
that start with “I” such as “I feel tired and annoyed
when I come home to a sink full of dirty dishes.”

Sort through the feelings.
You may also keep quiet because the situation is a
recurring one or a subject you always fight about. And
you may recognize that your husband has his own
pressures. However, you can acknowledge all that and
still get your own feelings out of your system. For
instance, you could say, “I love it when you take out
the garbage and I know how busy you are. But I feel
busy and stressed at work, too – and burdened by
household chores. Can we alternate the days we each do
dishes?”

Do You Fight Fair?
No relationship is perfect, and at some point you're
going to have a confrontation with a coworker,
neighbor or someone you love. Disagreements can be a
way to respectfully voice your opinion and carefully
consider the other person's thoughts - or they can be
an all-out, name-calling fiasco.

.

Relevant Pages

  • Women of Valor May be Courting Cancer
    ... On the Tzfat lists I posted the following. ... their feelings in for the God All Mighty principle of Sh'lom Bayit ... closely linked to the marital strain she experiences ... Heart Study, trying to determine if marriage and ...
    (soc.culture.israel)
  • Women of Valor May be Courting Cancer
    ... On the Tzfat lists I posted the following. ... their feelings in for the God All Mighty principle of Sh'lom Bayit ... closely linked to the marital strain she experiences ... Heart Study, trying to determine if marriage and ...
    (talk.politics.mideast)