Re: Goodbye

On Mar 24, 6:13 am, mos...@xxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
cindys <cste...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> writes:
mos...@xxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
cindys <cste...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> writes:

snip



That's fine. I'm not criticizing anyone for wanting biological
children rather than adopted children. I'm just saying that I
resent being asked to donate to the cause.

There's a difference between "I resent" and "I see a million shades
of red". :-)
------------
Right now, in discussing the issue rather dispassionately, I feel mild
annoyance. When I see the actual request (I've seen it posted twice on
Usenet, including to SCJM and I've received several mail
solicitations), I see a million shades of red. I think the way it's
worded has a lot to do with my reaction. The ads try to evoke maximum
sympathy for the poor, suffering, unfortunate couple. The message that
comes across (to me) is that the couple has a sense of entitlement, as
if they are the only couple who ever had fertility problems, and it is
somehow worse for them than for anybody else in the world. It's as if
they feel they are entitled to have children (and not just any
children, but exactly the kind of children they want), but they can't
afford the in-vitro, so therefore, they are looking to other people to
cough up the money to help them fulfill their dream.

You get solicitations for a _particular_ couple?

Yes. The way organizations often solicit funding is to describe a
particular situation.

I'm surprised.
Usually what I see is solicitations for an _organization_ which
deals with many couples. Would you find that less annoying?

No. The following is a list of costs gleaned from the website of one
of these organizations (I won't say which one because I'm not trying
to attack this particular organization per se).

----begin cite---
The average cost of a cycle of fertility treatment for a couple
averages between $20,000- $35,000 per cycle.

Many couples must undergo multiple treatment cycles before being
blessed with success. Insurance companies do not cover these
treatments, as they view these procedures as elective medicine.

Below is a partial list of some of the costs associated with fertility
treatments.
Male Infertility Treatment $35,000
A Single IVF Treatment $18,000
Pre and Post Cancer Infertility $10,000
Ovarian Tissue and Follicles Freezing $7,500
High Risk Pregnancy Care Insurance $6,000
Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosing $5,000
Medicine/Drugs Per Cycle $2,500
Blood Work and Ultrasound $1,800
Initial Consultation $750
----end cite---
How much money do you think a couple could spend trying to get
pregnant (and may or may not achieve success)? It looks to me like 25K
to 50K would be on the lowest end of the spectrum. I understand the
couple wants a biological child and not an adopted child. Well, guess
what? We all have things we want. L'havdil: I would like to take a
trip to Hawaii. I would like to have my kitchen remodeled (with
granite counters). I dreamed of sending my sons to yeshiva, and I pay
the bill by working hours and hours and hours. But if we couldn't
afford the yeshiva, my sons would just have to go to public school. I
would like to be a full-time student again and earn another degree and
start a new career, but I can't do that because I have financial
responsibilities for my sons' educations. I would like to not have to
limit my sons' choice of colleges to state schools because of cost
constraints, but even if one of them got accepted at Harvard, we could
never afford it. It's one thing to ask someone else to donate money
to pay for medical care for people who can't afford it, but having
biological children is not a medical necessity. I can certainly
understand that people want to have children (I certainly did), and I
can understand that people want to have biological children. And I
agree with Micha that it's a very bad idea for a couple to adopt if
they don't feel that they could bond with an adopted child. Fine.
That's their choice. But it's not my responsibility to foot the bill
for their infertility and IVF treatments. Imagine what an organization
like Chai Lifeline or Aleh (organizations that help children with
illnesses and disabilities) could accomplish with the 50K or 100K that
a given couple spends on fertility treatments trying to have one
biological child.


When I inexperienced infertility, and my husband and I were
considering all of our options, we never even considered in-vitro
because it was something we knew we couldn't afford and insurance
wouldn't pay for. So, we picked a different "dream," one that was
within our financial means.  End of discussion. Not in a million
years would it have occurred to us to go begging strangers to give
us a handout to fulfill our "dream."

Just another demonstration that you and your husband are "mentchen".

Thank you, but a lot of people would declare that we are extremely
selfish for being unwilling to donate money to help other couples pay
for fertility treatments.
Best regards,
---Cindy S.

--
Moshe Schorr
It is a tremendous Mitzvah to always be happy! - Reb Nachman of Breslov
The home and family are the center of Judaism, *not* the synagogue.
May Eliezer Mordichai b. Chaya Sheina Rochel have a refuah shlaimah
btoch sha'ar cholei Yisroel.
Disclaimer: Nothing here necessarily reflects the opinion of Hebrew University

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Goodbye
    ... treatments, as they view these procedures as elective medicine. ... afford the yeshiva, my sons would just have to go to public school. ... It's one thing to ask someone else to donate money ... a given couple spends on fertility treatments trying to have one ...
    (soc.culture.jewish.moderated)
  • Re: Goodbye
    ... treatments, as they view these procedures as elective medicine. ... afford the yeshiva, my sons would just have to go to public school. ... It's one thing to ask someone else to donate money ... a given couple spends on fertility treatments trying to have one ...
    (soc.culture.jewish.moderated)
  • Re: Goodbye
    ... treatments, as they view these procedures as elective medicine. ... I dreamed of sending my sons to yeshiva, and I pay ... It's one thing to ask someone else to donate money ... a given couple spends on fertility treatments trying to have one ...
    (soc.culture.jewish.moderated)
  • Re: Goodbye
    ... resent being asked to donate to the cause. ... treatments, as they view these procedures as elective medicine. ... A Single IVF Treatment     $18,000 ... I dreamed of sending my sons to yeshiva, and I pay ...
    (soc.culture.jewish.moderated)
  • Re: Goodbye
    ... comes across is that the couple has a sense of entitlement, ... treatments, as they view these procedures as elective medicine. ... A Single IVF Treatment     $18,000 ... afford the yeshiva, my sons would just have to go to public school. ...
    (soc.culture.jewish.moderated)
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