KIND WORDS - Stop Put-Downs
- From: moshes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 6 May 2008 12:59:13 +0000 (UTC)
"The Woman Everyone Avoided"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org
Every time I go to my neighborhood supermarket, in Israel, I make it a point to go to the one cashier that people often avoid. It's not that she isn't nice, she is just very slow.
Last week, my weekly visit to that cashier "paid off." This supermarket has carts that can only be used if you insert a five shekel coin and I didn?t have one. I only had a ten shekel coin, which did not fit.
I went to each register to ask for two fives and nobody had. Then I got to my cashier who sits at the end and she said, "sure I can give you change!"
Then she said, "You forgot a bag of goods here last week. Go to the main register and look at the notebook there. I wrote down all the items you paid for and forgot. You were here with your kid, right?"
Since I work late every day, I always go to the supermarket at 9 P.M. Last week, I brought one of my kids with me. Between the late hour, and the fact that I was keeping my four year old out of the candy aisle and all the clutter that was on the register, I forgot an entire package (about 80 shekels worth of goods).
Of all the people this lady sees everyday, she remembered me. The whole week, I had searched my house for these items and I had just figured that I didn?t put them in my cart in the end. At the main register was an entire notebook that the cashiers fill out everyday with the date and items forgotten!
I was nice to this cashier and she was thoughtful enough to remember me. What goes around comes around- like the wheels of a shopping cart!
From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insightsBy Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
Stop people from putting themselves down. If a person has high self-esteem, but out of humility makes a modest statement, terrific. This is an elevated quality. But if a person whose self-image could use a boost needlessly makes a self-deprecatory statement, suggest gently that they don?t need to and that it?s not helpful.
Every self inflicted put-down statement adds to a person?s lack of belief in himself and his abilities. Many people who tend to do this need someone else to give them permission to stop doing it. Some do this so others won?t blame them for being conceited or arrogant. True humility is awareness of your strengths paired with the awareness that they are all gifts. There is a difference between boasting and sharing your accomplishments with those who will be happy for you. Be careful not to cause envy or resentment. Strategic self-effacement can be advisable, but not if it is an expression of inferiority feelings.
Some people put themselves down to prevent others from criticizing them. They already criticize themselves so there is no need for anyone else to do so. And some people put themselves down so others will build them up. This can be an opportunity for an act of kindness on your part.
The following is a sample of statements which might be heard and the appropriate response
? S: "I?m not so bright. But it seems to me that?"
R: "You are entitled to state your opinion without commenting on your intelligence. And if your idea is good, that itself is an indication of brightness."
? S: "I?m so lazy. But I worked hard on this project."
R: "If you repeat that you are lazy, it makes it more difficult to overcome it. You have a right to tell me that you worked hard on this project without qualifying what you say."
? S: "I never do anything right."
R: "I?m certain that?s an exaggeration. It is worthwhile to be more objective about what you do properly and what you don?t."
? S: "I have a terrible memory."
R: "Fortunately you remember a vast number of things. Every time you do remember something, let it register that your brain has a tremendous storage and retrievable system."
? S: "I?m always putting myself down."
R: "It?s great that you are doing so now. It gives me an opportunity to help you change this pattern. If you wouldn?t always do it, perhaps I wouldn?t be aware of it and couldn?t help you change."
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