Re: On departing SCJM


Chano wrote:
"Eliyahu" <lrooff@xxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1144160514.285025.62910@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



What group would that be? The group of people who are not familiar with
the
halacha yet seek to discredit it? Chano was attempting to prevent some
people from being led astray by other people who disparage the halacha
without having studied it. I think the Chofetz Chaim zt"l himself would
probably agree that Chano should be commended for alerting other posters
to
this problem and preventing them from inadvertent transgressions based on
misinformation they may read either on SCJM or be told in the real world.

Without intending this to be directed at Chano,

But that's who you mean, otherwise why mention my name? :-)

Because it was meant as a general comment and not directed at you.
Seriously.

I've said before that
our phrasing of a response will often make a big difference in how it's
received and taken. If my intent is to ventilate my anger or express my
ire, I can word a response as harshly as I like. The downside is that
this approach is certain to cause the other guy to lock himself firmly
in his opposition to what I'm saying and to take it personally. OTOH,
if my intent and desire is to get the person referenced to change his
opinions, beliefs or ideas,

I am not about to change anyone's beliefs. That's not why I post here.

then my tone and wording should be
courteous and respectful. Even a generic response can be off-putting to
people if it's derisive or insulting.

My response to Adelle (which is what Jonathan Kamens got sweated about) was
neither derisive nor insulting. In fact if you (anyone) were to read it
properly it was quite the opposite.

That's why it wasn't directed at you. I'm helping the thread drift
toward a more general discussion about the best ways to convince others
that we're right.

We may not be able to enjoy the
feeling of righteous indignation in posting a response which
courteously and respectfully tells the person why we think they're
wrong, or which tells others why we think that person is wrong, but
it's far more likely to pursuade that person to reconsider his or her
POV than if they feel insulted by what they read.

There is no accounting for ppl who have a chip on their shoulder and take
anything as an insult.

True, but we find many things in the newsgroup which would be perceived
as insulting by a reasonable person of average intelligence, too.

In the case of this
group, the tone of our replies can make a difference when it comes to
lurkers who may be holding back from participating

No one can be held responsible for the sensitivities of anonymous lurkers.

I suppose it depends on whether we want them to quit lurking and start
participating or not...

simply because they
don't want to be roasted alive for espousing the wrong opinion.

No need for anyone here to be bashful, and very few are.
--
Only because we tend to drive those folks away...

Eliyahu

.

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