Re: Russians die young smelling good
- From: The Black Monk <ch.mon@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:39:05 -0700
Brilliant!
regards,
BM
On Jun 20, 11:38 pm, vkarla...@xxxxxxxxx wrote:
On Jun 20, 7:06 pm, The Black Monk <ch....@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
This, obviously, brings to mind some of the recipes in that hilarious
masterpiece by Erofeev.
You asked for it:
/////////////////////////////http://www.jungianstudies.org/publications/zelensky1.pdf.
Moskva - Petushki
(Moscow-Petushki, also published as Moscow to the End of the Line,
Moscow Stations, and Moscow Circles, is a pseudo-autobiographical
postmodernist prose poem by Russian writer and satirist Venedikt
Erofeev.)
ELECTROUGLI - KILOMETER 43
Yes. Drink more, eat less. This is the best method of avoiding self-
conceit and superficial atheism. Take a look at the hiccuping atheist:
he is distracted and dark of visage, he suffers and he is ugly. Turn
away from him, spit, and look at me when I begin to hiccup: a believer
in overcoming who is without any thought of rebellion, I believe in
the fact that He is good and that therefore I myself am good. He is
good. He leads me from suffering toward the light. From Moscow toward
Petuschki. Through the torments of the Kursk Station. Through the
purgation at Kuchino, through the fancies of Kupavna to the light of
Petuschki. Durch leiden licht.
I paced about in the vestibule in even more terrible agitation. And
kept on smoking. And here, a clear thought struck my brain like
lighting. What else am I to drink so that this exaltation will not be
extinguished? What am I to drink in Thy name? Oh, misfortune! I have
nothing that would be worthy of Thee. Kubanskaya, that's rot. While
Rossiiskaya, it's ridiculous to speak of it in Thy presence. And stout
red at one thirty-seven. God! ... No, if I get to Petuschki unharmed
today, I'll make a cocktail in which it will be possible to drink
without shame in the presence of God and man and in the name of God.
I'll call it 'Jordan's Waters' or 'The Star of Bethlehem'. If I forget
about that in Petuschki, please remind me. Don't laugh. I have vast
experience in the creation of cocktails. From Moscow to Petuschki
people drink these cocktails not knowing the name of their creator.
They drink the 'Balsam of Canaan', they drink the 'Tear of a Komsomol
Girl' and it's right that they should do so. If it is true that we
cannot wait to be favored by nature, we must wrest her favors from
her, then it goes without saying that it is necessary to know exact of
recipes. If you wish, I'll give you these recipes. Listen.
To drink vodka, even from the bottle, is nothing other than weariness
of spirit, and vanity. To mix vodka with eau de cologne, there are a
certain caprice, but no pathos whatsoever. But if you drink a glass of
'Balsam of Canaan', there is a caprice and an idea and pathos, and
beyond that a hint of the metaphysical. Which component of 'Balsam of
Canaan' do we value above all else? Well, the methylated spirits, of
course. But after all, the methylated spirits, being only an object of
inspiration are themselves simply devoid of this inspiration. What is
it, in this case, that we value the methylated spirits even more? Of
course, the naked taste sensation. And even more than that, the miasma
which it exudes. In order to set off this miasma, a touch of fragrance
is necessary. For this reason velvet beer or, best of all, Ostankino
or Czech beer is added in this proportion 1: 2 with one part refined
furniture polish. I won't remind you how to refine furniture polish -
any child knows that. For some reason no one in Russia knows why
Pushkin died, but how to refine furniture polish - that everyone
knows. In any event, write down the recipe for 'Balsam of Canaan' (as
one of our hack writers might have put it, 'Life is given to man only
one time and it must be lived so as not to make mistakes in recipes'):
Methylated spirits 100 gr
Velvet beer 200 gr
Refined Furniture Polish 100 gr
And so you have before you 'Balsam of Canaan'. In plain speech it is
called a Black Fox and the liquid is a blackish brown, of moderate
strength and a staunch aroma that is really not an aroma, but a hymn.
A hymn of democratic youth, because this cocktail fosters vulgarity
and dark forces in the drinker. I've observed this many times! ... And
to stave off the fostering of these dark forces there are two means.
First, not to drink 'Balsam of Canaan' and second, to drink in place
of it the cocktail called of The Spirit of Geneva'. There's not a drop
of nobility in 'The Spirit of Geneva', but it does have bouquet.
You'll ask, 'What is the secret of its bouquet?' I'll answer you; 'I
don't know what the secret of its bouquet is.' Then you'll give it
some thought and ask, 'So, what is the key?'
And the key to it lies in the fact that you shouldn't replace White
Lilac eau de cologne with any other kind, not Jasmine, not Sweetbrier,
not Lily of the Valley. 'In the world of components there are no
equivalents,' as the old alchemists said, and they knew what they were
talking about. That is, your Lilly of the Valley Silver is not White
Lilac even in the moral sense, not to speak of bouquet. Sense of one's
inalienable rights. While White Lilac, on the other hand, soothes the
conscience and reconciles man to the sore spots of life. Once I drank
a whole phial of Lily of the Valley Silver, sat down, and started
crying. Why was I crying? Because I recalled my Mama, recalled her and
couldn't forget her. 'Mama,' I say. And I cry. And then again, 'Mama,'
I say, and once more I cry. Somebody else would have just sat there
crying. But me? I grabbed a phial of Lilac and drank it. And what do
you think? My tears dried up. And I was overcome by idiotic laughter,
and as for Mama - I even forgot her name. Therefore, how ridiculous
someone preparing 'The Spirit of Geneva' seems if he adds Lily of the
Valley Silver to the athlete's of foot remedy! Listen to the exact
recipe:
White Lilac 50 gr
Athlete's Foot remedy 50 gr
Zhiguli Beer 200 gr
Alcohol Varnish 150
But if someone doesn't want to tramp the universe to no good purpose,
let him send to the devil both of 'Balsam of Canaan' and 'The Spirit
of Geneva'. He had better sit down at the table and prepare himself
some 'Tear of a Komsomol Girl'. Odorous and strange is this cocktail.
Why it is odorous, you'll find out later. I'll explain first why it is
strange. Somebody drinking just vodka will keep his right mind and a
clear head or he'll lose them both at once. But in the case of a
'Tear' it's funny - you drink 100 grams of this 'Tear' and your head
is clear and it's as if you never had a right mind. You drink 100 more
grams and you'll be surprised at yourself. Where did all the right
mind come from? And where did your clear head get to? Even the
'Tear's' recipe itself is fragrant. And from the prepared cocktail,
from its odorousness it is possible to lose consciousness for a
moment. I did, for example.
Lavender Toilet Water 15 gr
Verbena 15 gr
Herbal Lotion 30 gr
Nail Polish 2 gr
Mouthwash 150 gr
Lemon Soda 150 gr
The mixture prepared this way must be stirred for twenty minutes with
a sprig of honeysuckle. Some, it is true, maintain that in case of
necessity it is permissible to substitute dodder for honeysuckle. But
this is both incorrect and criminal. Cut me up left and right, but you
won't get me to stir it with dodder. The 'Tear' I'll stir with
honeysuckle. But enough of the 'Tear'. Now I present to you last and
the best. 'Labor's crown is its own supreme reward,' as the poet said.
In any event, I present to you the cocktail 'Bitches' Brew', a
beverage which overshadows all others. This is more than a beverage -
it is the music of the spheres. What is the finest thing in the world?
The struggle for the liberation of humanity. But even finer is this
(write it down):
Zhiguli Beer 100 gr
'Sadko' Shampoo 30 gr
Dandruff Treatment 70 gr
Athlete's Foot Remedy 30 gr
Small Bug Killer 20 gr
The whole thing is steeped for a week in cigar tobacco and served at
table. I have received letters, incidentally, in which idle readers
have recommended one more thing: that the infusion obtained in the
above fashion should be run through a colander, i.e., run it through
and go to bed. All these supplements and corrections come from
flabbiness of imagination, from an insufficiency of mental scope;
that's where these absurd corrections come from. 'Bitches Brew' can be
served at table and should be drunk with the appearance of the first
star, in large gulps. After only two goblets of this cocktail, a
person will become so inspired that it is possible to go up to him for
half an hour and, standing one and half meters away, spit in his fat
face without his saying a thing." (pp 65-71)
/////////////////////////////////
regards,
BM
On Jun 16, 4:20 am, "J. Anderson" <anderso...@xxxxxxxx> wrote:
From the BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6752515.stm) for educational purposes:
Russian men are risking death by drinking aftershave and cleaning agents, a study has suggested.
UK researchers estimated that half of all deaths in working age men in [Russia] are due to hazardous drinking. The products, which also include herbal tinctures sold in pharmacies, are widely available, cheap and contain up to 97% alcohol, the Lancet study says. It was found that they contain very few toxins but are deadly simply because of the extreme alcohol levels.
Russian men have an "exceptionally low" life expectancy of 59 years, compared with 72 years for women. Men of working age are three-and-a-half times more likely to die than men in Britain.
Past studies have shown levels of alcohol consumption among the Russian population, where spirits such as vodka are popular, are high. But the team at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine wanted to take into account non-beverage alcohol. They looked at 1,750 deaths in men aged 25 to 54 years in 2003 and 2005 in Izhevsk, a typical Russian city in the Western Ural region. Family members were interviewed about the drinking habits of the deceased.
Hazardous drinking - classed as excessive
...
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