Re: A Dialogue of the Deaf


lorad...@xxxxxx wrote:
> darsiaubas@xxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
> > lorad474@xxxxxx wrote:
> > I can see the headline now...
> >
> > "Shiny balls admire Hui's firm ripe melons from above !"
> > Film at 11.
> > Vidas
>
> Cut back with the crack pipe and Barry White LPs, already, you silly
> russian monkey.

Crack smoking and Barry White LP's ? Is that the combination one needs
to begin to practice to reach a point where your bizarre insanity makes
sense ? Too high of a price if you ask me. I'll just stick to knowing
that youre insane and not really try and delve into what MAKES you
insane.

But...On the UFO topic that your Mongolian ancestors seem to like to
write about... You, as a brainless Hoosier, should appreciate this
conspiracy theory.

Dont look into their eyes !!!!


Cows from Space

In the late 1960s, the Russians sent two calves into orbit -
just to prove a point. But the satellite got away, picking up speed as
it began to spin around the sun.
Eons passed as the calves hurtled through space at near-light
speeds. By the time they had evolved into hyper-intelligent (but still
quite tasty) creatures, a mere twenty-seven-and-a-half years had passed
on Earth.
moo? Now they're back . . . and they are pissed. They resent
being used as test pilots by humans. Those millions of years of
solitude, slowly evolving in the cold vacuum of space, have made them
mighty ornery. They have used their super powers to return to Earth.
They are secretly hiding among us, posing as docile bovines while they
plot their revenge on mankind!

Advantages and Disadvantages
Space Cows have Increased Strength x 5 [150], IQ + 7 [100], DX - 2
[-15], and HT + 7 [100]. The increased strength costs 30 points per
level because they also have no fine manipulators [-30]. The normal ST
of a Space Cow is 50.
They have night vision [10], peripheral vision [15], strong will
+5 [20], racial memory [40], immunity to disease [10], immunity to
poison [25], longevity [5], and secret communication [20].
They all have Teleportation Power 24 with a 1,000-mile range [120
points] and the Autoteleport skill at level IQ+3 [10 points]. Space
Cows use this ability only when humans are absent (or not paying
attention). In some rare cases, they must teleport in the direct view
of humans to save their own lives.
In addition to their lack of fine manipulators, they have
inconvenient size [-15], they are absent-minded [-15], they have bad
sight [-25], laziness [-10], megalomania [-10], a mild phobia of
enclosed spaces [-15] and mild phobia of loud noises [-10]. Their
intelligence and special abilities are a major secret [-30].
It costs 450 points to play a Space Cow.

Psychology
The Space Cows are cattle that look and exactly like normal cows.
But, behind those dull eyes, there is a brain seething with rage and
the urge to rule the world . . .
Fortunately for us, the Space Cows spend their days chewing and
farting. Their absent-mindedness and laziness distract them from coming
up with the grand schemes of conquest that they'll need to get their
revenge. They are always looking out for trouble and will discretely
teleport away when they have to, but that is the extent of their
awesome plan so far.
The Space Cows communicate either by talking to each other (they
have their own Cow Tongue language) or through a series of
sophisticated ear flips and tail twitches. This twitching is so
highly-developed that it often conveys more meaning and a greater range
of ideas than speech. So there.
The Space Cows have no careers, social order, religion, or art.
Each Space Cow is different from another, however, and this fact,
combined with their amazing intellects, is sure to bring about vast
cultural and social breakthroughs in the coming years. Or maybe not.

Ecology
When the Space Cows developed their intelligence and special
psychic powers, they retained many traits of their former selves. They
are still cows, after all. But these cows are omnivorous, with a taste
for human flesh. Their strong constitution developed into a total
immuntiy from disease and poisons, and a much longer lifespan. Their
eyesight remains poor, but they still have the optical traits of
creatures of prey - the ability to see at night and a wide angle of
vision.

Culture
The oldest Space Cows rule the rest, based on their experience
dealing with humans. These cows have also proven themselves to be
particularly adept at avoiding slaughterhouses and rodeos. It is
rumored that the oldest and most intelligent Space Cows live in India.

Cows in the Campaign
The Space Cows would be fun in an Illuminati or Atomic Horror
campaign. The player characters should discover the cow conspiracy by
accident. Their discovery will never be taken seriously.

Advantages
Night Vision, Peripheral Vision, Strong Will +5, Racial Memory,
Immunity to Disease, Immunity to Poison, Acute Hearing +5, Longevity,
Secret Communication, Teleportation Power 24

Quirks
Likes to kick over the milk can when Festus walks away.
Smolders with rage while she chews her cud.

Disadvantages
No Fine Manipulators, Inconvenient Size, Megalomania,
Absent-Mindedness, Bad Sight, Bad Temper, Laziness, mild
claustrophobia, mild brontophobia, Secret

Skills
Autoteleport-20, Low-G Flight-7, Astrogation-16




Adventure Ideas
The Mutilators
Aliens from deep space have come to Earth to settle an old score
with the cows. They are sowing fear among the bovines with . . . cattle
mutilations.
While investigating the strange mutilations, the player characters
are abducted by the aliens. They escape, taking a bizarre alien
artifact with them. They don't know it, but the artifact can be used to
drive the aliens away from Earth forever.
OH MY GOD! Save yourself! Somehow, the cows find out about this
and they contact the player characters. They reveal to Great Cattle
Conspiracy to them and ask for help.


The Chairman
One man has discovered the cow conspiracy, a businessman who has
turned the secret into a private crusade. He wants to save the world
from the evil, scheming cattle but no one will believe him. So he
managed to become the Chairman of the National Beef Board. The PCs
accidentally save his life and, to pay them back, he tells them what's
going on.
"Every burger you eat brings us one step closer to saving the
human race!" he tells them. If they walk away, they meet a small band
of eco-warriors who want the Beef Board - and its barbaric mission of
promoting cattle murder - destroyed. Are they pawns in a larger game?
(Hey, maybe the PCs are the small band of eco-warriors.)


The Mothership
The PCs travel to India and find that the Space Cows are running
the country. They discover strange Cattle-Tech computers, learn about
the star systems that the cows plan to conquer, and stumble upon a
partially-built spaceship.

.