New Orleans: The City That Care Forgot
- From: "GWhyte" <gwhyte3003@xxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 17:50:33 -0500
New Orleans: The City That Care Forgot
October 30, 2005
by Humberto Fontova
http://www.mensnewsdaily.com/archive/f/fontova/2005/fontova103005.htm
New Orleans answers to "the city that care forgot." Laizzes les bon temps
rouillier (Let's the good times roll) reads the banner which greets you at
our airport. But for Havana, Ernest Hemingway might have taken up residence
in the recently devastated New Orleans. He called Havana "the town where
conscience takes a holiday," and was fond of the Cuban capitol because, as
he put it so delicately: "It had both: f**king and fishing."
Same for New Orleans. Indeed, prior to WWI New Orleans was known as the
"Prostitution capitol of America," boasting America's first
legally-sanctioned red-light district. The Louisiana Supreme Court actually
upheld the plan which established Storyville, just outside the French
Quarter. At it's peak in 1910 this charming neighborhood contained scores of
magnificent bordellos employing a total of 2200 legally-registered
strumpets. San Francisco, then in second place, featured a sorry 1000
harlots.
The Blue Book, a sort of New Orleans tourist guide of the times, listed the
addresses and specialties of each cathouse. Nothing chintzy here, either. A
few ran to $100 a night. One house featured virgins (certified) and they ran
from $200 to $500 a session (and we're talking 1910 dollars here.) New
Orleans' bordellos were the priciest in the hemisphere. Many allowed charge
accounts--the first such arrangement in the history of the trade. The
Madames even provided discreet credit references for the local banks.
And why not? They were among the biggest creditors in the city. A romp with
their gals might cost twice as much as a horse and buggy.
These houses also featured music. Upon descending the stairs, the satiated
gents might listen to the honky-tonk tinkling of Jelly Roll Morton, or the
mellow trumpeting from a teen-aged Louis Armstrong. A decade later this
"jass" and "spasm" sound became Jazz, "America's only original art form,"
as they call it. And hatched in a whorehouse.
People had fun listening to this music. But the sounds of merriment carried
Northeast I'm afraid, the Puritan stronghold, then as now. "Was that a
champagne cork popping!?" The professional snouters cupped their ears. "Do I
hear ice tinkling in a glass!?" Their brows furrowed, jaws tightened. "Are
those tapping feet?!" They ducked to peek through the peephole. "Oh the
wickedness!.... Is that hussy kicking up her legs!? Is that pig spinning her
around!? Are they dancing!? Smiling?...LAUGHING!!?"
Now in full scowl, they rolled up their sleeves, spit on hands and waddled
into action. Something called the "American Women's Suffrage Association",
some coven of early feminists, moved to ban "jazz" and "ragtime" music.
They called such playing a "rape" of the piano. I swear. It's in Paul
Johnson's book, A History of the American People.
The "National Federation of Women's Clubs, " joined them. Together, "they'd
wrest this n**gger whorehouse music from the hands of the infidel foreigner
and black slum dwellers," they huffed. They'd ban "this music spread by
clever unscrupulous Jews."
It's a toss up, actually. Who causes more misery in the world?
Sexually-frustrated women? Or sober men? Hitler, as everyone knows, was a
teetotaler, vegetarian, anti-smoker and tree-hugger.
Not that these killjoy females were always useless. Wise societies once
channeled their rancor, viciousness and cruelty into roles beneficial to
civilized society. My friends and I still flinch spastically at the sight
of a nun's habit. We grab our ears if they get too close. We jerk our arms
and curl our fingers at the sight of a ruler--the nun's Excalibur. Wave a
yardstick and we shriek and bolt. Jake and Elwood knew.
But these spastic side-effects can't compare to Ritalin's. A few flashbacks
and nightmares, sure.....She slaps down the chalk with a--PLECK!!, grips the
ruler and turns around. "Senor Fontova! Is that YOU I hear again?!" Her
eyes narrow to slanted slits. " Didn't I JUST?!..." and she starts down the
aisle.
Jack Nicholson tried, but his face in The Shining couldn't compare Sister
Imelda in high dudgeon. Compared to my 6th grade teacher Nicholson looked
like Mary Poppins. Classmates flinched and cowered in their seats as she
swooshed past, her black sleeves and cape billowing, lips curled, arm
raised......
"AHHHH!!.... NOOOOO!! Sister Imelda! That's not gum in my mouth.It's...!
I can't be the only one who rooted for Nurse Ratched? And not just because
Jack Nicholson's a notorious Fidel groupie. The woman was doing her job.
And she was damn good at it. God knows I wouldn't want somebody like her at
large. Geezuz! Aren't we better off with her in the Cuckoo's Nest than in
Congress?! Or a First Lady?! Or as Mayor of New York?! Or--gulp--as
President?!
Once they wacked, pummeled and ear-twisted us onto the straight and narrow.
Ciba-Geigy (Ritalin's mfrs) stock sold for less, true. But I say America was
the better for it. Nowadays they join NOW or run for office. Here they can
pester, torment and torture an entire society. They can fan the bottoms and
rattle the eyeballs of millions too far to grab by the ears.
"Woman is naturally bigoted and relentless in her effort to make others as
good as she thinks they ought to be. Woman's narrow attitude toward life
makes her a greater danger to liberty wherever she has political power."
Was that Limbaugh? Phyllis Shlafly? Camille Paglia? Ayatollah Khomeini? The
Taliban?
Try Emma Goldman. Yes "Red Emma." The pioneering feminist and famous
radical, the anarchist played by Ruth Stapleton in the movie Reds.
Apparently, at one time, a few leftists thought straight.
America (the world, actually) needs more nuns. One month under them wiped
more snide, snotty little smiles from more faces than two years under a
drill instructor. With those fine ladies running our educational
institutions we'd a never heard of Gangsta Rap, believe me.
.
- References:
- The Battle for New Orleans
- From: GWhyte
- The Battle for New Orleans
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