I can't get my 10 year old stepdaughter into her own bedroom
- From: rj245 <rj245@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 29 Jan 2008 08:42:45 -0800 (PST)
I am recently involved in a new relationship. I met the woman of my
dreams. I tell her and it is true that she is the woman that I have
been waiting for all of my life. When we are together nothing seems
to
matter. Things are absolutely electric between us. I have never loved
like this before. I dont think that I can love anyone anymore than I
love her. She tells me that she feels the same way about me.
I am not sure how people are going to react to this but we met each
other while we were both in a relationship with someone else. We both
left our partners to be together. Her daughter nor her estranged
husband know that we are in a relationship with one another. I ask
her
how her husband could not know. He knows that she lives in my house.
He has dropped his daughter off and I have answered the phone on
several occassions when he has called, but she tells me that he is
trusting (She told him that she was renting a room in my house)and
naive and he hasn't put 2+2 together. She claims that her
relationship
with him was "not bad', but due to his depression and alcoholism, he
abandoned her both physically (they have had sex one time in 4 years
and emotionally) a long time ago.
I have encouraged her to be honest with him, but they are in the
midst
of a divorce and she doesn't want things to get ugly although she
assures me that he is not that type of person. I told her that it is
better to hurt him a bit now, than for him to find out and also feel
deceived. She says that I have to trust her to know when the timing
is
right.
The same holds true about her daughter. I have a two year old
daughter
myself. Her mother knows about us.
Back to my initial post. i am a trained professional helper. Her
daughter in my opinion has significant behavioural problems which
predated my relationship with her mother. It is so bad that her
daughter gets upset if her mother chooses to do anything other than
to
spend every waking moment with her. When her mother tries to do
anything else she engages in a dramatic behavioural outburst. I have
told her mother that her daughter is obviously trying to manipulate
her and that she weilds significant power. She seems to have both of
her parents scrambling to meet her every need or else watch out. I
told her mother she has to regain control and to be firm but fair
with
her daughter. She is starting to employ this strategy with some
success, however I do not want to be her therapist.
Her daughter refuses to sleep in her own bedroom both when at our
house (she has her own bedroom when visiting. On these occassions her
mother sleeps with her in the 10 year old's bedroom) and when she
sleeps with her father. I find this incredibly
strange especially when it comes to the father,. I dont think that
anything is happeneing there and I think he complies if only to get
some sleep.
I want her out of our bedroom and so does her mother. Any suggestions
or comments are appreciated.
.
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