Re: OT: Or is it!!;)

hoofprints wrote:


"!:?)" wrote:

hoofprints wrote:


An oldie...but a good one.





Christmas Party Planning



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at
the
Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
And
don't be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas
tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be
done
at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving
of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
employees!
The CEO will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.



Pauline

----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any
other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.


----------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to
handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange
allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money
and
Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
ALLOWED.
Pauline.

----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2005

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your
meal
until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to
take
home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have
to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking
permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have
booster
seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a
diet.
We cannot control the salt used in the food: we suggest those people
with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh
fruits
as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts.
Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.


----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005

RE: The F******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks. I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put
it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but
you
know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I've
heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday, drink, drive and die.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November 2005
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime, the
Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.




It brought a smile to our faces!:?)

Strange how we both laugh at and feel for other's misfortunes.
Buster Keaton (the KING of Dead Pan) showed us that in his Films.
His last film was in the late 90's but I think he only ever spoke in one.
"A Funny thing happened on the way to the Forum"
Anyone know of another he spoke in?:?)

I wonder how Pauline is doing today?:?)
Does the word Christmas still set off a tirade?:0)

--
Kevin!:?)



Damn we have become an accommodating society.

What is next?? 

hoof


Hi Hoof,

I forgot to ask how your Horse is doing.
Wasn't well the last time I answered one of your Posts.
Hope everything has worked out fine.

I think Slap Stick says a lot about us.
When we can both feel for and laugh at the misfortunes of others.
But the one who has the misfortune often times only sees the laughter.
I think we learn a lot about ourselves without knowing it when we watch Comedy like that.

Comedy and Tragedy often go hand in hand.
Buster was my favorate Comedian because he understood that I think better than most.
Even when taking films came out he still drew an audience and didn't say a single word in all but one of his Films I know of.

His last Film about Canada Railways coast to coast in the late 90's was great.

Thanks again for the Post, the Wife and I enjoyed it very much!:?)

--
Kevin!:?)

Fight Spam Friendly Providers, use WWW.SPEWS.ORG
http://www.seige-perilous.org/spam/spam-SPEWS.html
.

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