O/T - Thoughts - 1 Year Anniversary
- From: ebe <miniskirt7a@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:02:33 -0700
SURVIVING AND MOVING FORWARD
By Anonymous
October 2nd, 2007, this is the one year anniversary of living the
last day in the family homestead of 85 years. It was the day, a year
ago; I had to act, as the bank was taking it over due to foreclosure.
Considering the changes I went through, I accomplished many things,
completed my MBA even while living in my car for two days, a homeless
shelter for a month, being disabled, and learning to live on a very
frugal budget (no breakfast, hamburger and drink for lunch, ½ gallon
milk and whatever is available for $1.00 for dinner).
During the last night in the family homestead, I had moved out what I
could to a storage area. The total of what I could save was 25
banker's boxes. The rest, the family piano, 2 floors of living room
sets, three bedroom sets, and many other family memorabilia I had to
leave. It took four dumpsters to empty the house as one former
neighbor would tell me later. In that the last night, I thought of the
history, the good and the bad of remembering how my father and
grandparents had to live in the attic from 1930 to 1941 and rent out
the rest of the house to keep it during the depression. Also, how my
grandparents suffered from work exhaustion during the 1940's and my
father had to manage the house by himself at a very early age. Now,
me, trying to take of my father since my father's passing in 2000, and
having to have her stay in a nursing home in 2003 due to physical and
mental exhaustion it was causing me working two jobs (full time job
and landlord with bad tenants), and then having the tenants destroy
the apartment with damage and graffiti when they left in 2005 (I think
they were illegals, as they claimed they lived in San Antonio, but the
phone book have names ending in RUI?).
That night, I watched TV and some programs on cable along with one
last movie I watched from the house. I knew and prepared to get up
early that morning to complete my obligation to the bank of being out
of the house before 12 noon. I called my doctor and asked for what
type of housing assistance would be available, as I would be homeless,
the only member of my family to be in this state. My doctor
recommended I contact the Shalom Center. I called, and was told where
the homeless shelter was for that night. So, until that night, I lived
in my car. Starting that night, I lived for 30 days in the homeless
shelter, the maximum limit. That night, some of the programs I
remember watching were "Dark Angel" on Sci-Fi, a Woody Allen movie on
AMC about the red scare blacklisting of entertainers during the
1950's, and Dave Letterman on CBS.
Morning came; I walked around the inside of the house for the last
time. I went upstairs on the third floor to look in the apartment that
my dad and I had converted into a research study in the mid 1990's. I
took a picture of my computer research bench setup with three
different computers that I used to develop programs. Then, I went back
to the main apartment on the second floor, and removed the American
flag that was in the vase in the living room. I went to the first
floor still damaged by the last illegal alien tenants from San
Antonio, TX. I checked my list, I had moved out everything I could and
what was important; which I could carry. The car was parked in the
back. I moved the car to the front, then as one last gesture, I
planted the American flag that was in my living room on the front
lawn, saluted the house for helping raise three generations of us, and
took a last picture. There was a neighbor working in the yard across
the street, he saw me do these things. I explained to him that it
would be last time I would be at the house and neighborhood, and
shared with him good thoughts.
I left the neighborhood and block for the last time. It was like
leaving the last layer of a womb, protective bubble, there was no
going back and there was only going onward. After I left, I did my
daily activities and prepared for life living with what I could carry
in my car or on my shoulder. That afternoon, I went to visit my mother
in the nursing home. I left early because I needed to arrive before 7
p.m. to get a bed for the night at the homeless shelter. That would be
my daily routine for a month, bed for the night at 7 p.m. and out of
the shelter at 7 a.m. with finding other places to study and work
during the day.
At first, my studies suffered due to the shock of being homeless the
first time, a college graduate with multiple degrees but disabled due
to the lack position. I prepared myself that it was easy to say die,
and that I did not want to go back to the hospital again, I would
figure a way out of this and move forward. That October I had to sift
with what philosophies I believed in and what I could actually
practice. Also, it did try my soul.
That first night at the homeless shelter, I was told many horror
stories by people, and did not know what to expect. The first few
people who I met who ran the shelter were nice, and this helped me
cope and not panic. It was strange sleeping on a mat where I had slept
on a queensize bed. Also, it was strange sleeping in a separate male
area with a private space of 4 feet by 7 feet only compared to a home
of 5,200 square feet.
In November, I was able to move into the YMCA where I am now. One
good thing that did happen that November is that my sister and friends
helped to push me back into dreaming and setting goals and objectives.
The first step was a phone that I could use so that I would not have
to worry having to communicate. The second thing is the daily chats to
keep in touch and not think about the negatives I was facing. Third,
the library which allowed me to study and had internet so that I could
continue my MBA courses and study.
It is one year since I moved and last lived in the old family house.
Would I want go back? No. There are many reasons. The primary reason
is that the reason I arrived in the dilemma I did was that I became a
cog of the neighborhood where I lived. Upon leaving the neighborhood,
I discovered a different world, nice people, and people who respected
each other and helped each other compared to neighbors who felt it was
ok to walk through my yard and leave beer bottles on the lawn or
broken glass.
When I do have my income up to the level it once was, I am planning
on making three donations at least, one to the homeless shelter
organization that helped me with shelter during that critical time,
the second to the YMCA who provide low cost shelter that is needed as
some cities have a 3 year waiting list for housing assistance, and
three to the public library who provided service to all, no one turned
away.
My friends tell me that they I respect and honor how I overcame what
could have been a death option for me, either physically or mentally
and that I did it and still maintained the drive and ambition to
continue to work on my dream even when living at a homeless shelter
and YMCA each day. My dream is starting to form, and I feel the
benefits will come soon. My sister tells me that it is good I made the
decision to leave the house for good, as in the last years, she viewed
the house as something not good. The most important point of this is
that I never served in combat, but what I went through this year was a
combat for me, because I had to continue, I had to work with what I
had, I had to improvise, and I had to two options survive and move
onward or give up and die. In conclusion, it is psychological, mental,
and physical learning experience that I hope no one has to ever go
through - I went from having Maslow's three hierarchy of needs set to
having to rebuild it from scratch, there are still days I still have
to strive to build the security level to achieve the self
actualization.
As I remember one concept from Buddhism, although I am Christian, is
that for one to grow sometimes one needs to shed all their Earthly
things and desires. I did shed over 97% of my early things when I left
the house, and was left with myself, my mind, my faith, and my
philosophy of life and to begin my life anew from that.
.
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