Future Lines of Self-Loathing That Mitt Romney Will Be Using On The Campaign Trail
- From: Jason <janklowicz24@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 1 Sep 2011 09:15:37 -0700 (PDT)
Mitt Romney constantly attacks Harvard, because Harvard is where girly
intellectual egghead elitists go to college, while Real Men are
plowing tractors or whatever one does on farms, until it is time to Go
Fight in the War.
This week, Romney gave a foreign policy speech to some veterans, and
he really gave Harvard what-for:
Chastising those who may believe that if the United States recedes,
so, too, will its enemies, Romney bashed what is often seen as a
“That may be what they think in that Harvard faculty lounge, but it’s
not what they know on the battlefield!” he told the vets.
Of course, the Boston Globe and everyone else who knows even the
slightest bit of biographical information about Mitt Romney realized
that the former governor of Massachusetts is a Harvard alum. He went
to Harvard Business and Harvard Law Schools.
Some people say it is a bit "hypocritical" or "transparently,
desperately pathetic" of Romney to align himself with those who hate
our nation's Ivy League elite, but it's really not. You see, Mitt
Romney is actually just incredibly self-loathing. He clearly hates
More evidence: Did Mitt Romney seriously think calling Rick Perry a
"career politician" wouldn't remind people of Romney's status as the
son of a prominent politician who's been running for offices on-and-
off since 1994? Or does Mitt Romney simply hate the fact that he's a
useless Harvard-educated career politician instead of something
I can imagine future Mitt Romney attack lines:
Massachusetts is awful
At some point Mitt Romney will surely accuse the president of having
"Massachusetts values," because Americans everywhere know that
Massachusetts is full of Harvard-educated billionaire liberal elites,
like former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.
Rich people are the worst
"I am sick of one set of rules for a bunch of millionaire fat-cats and
another set of rules for regular Americans," millionaire Mitt Romney
will surely say, in another "attack" on GOP rival Rick Perry that is
actually a peek into the tortured interior monologue that keeps Mitt
Romney up all night.
"Private equity firms are evil"
Romney will most likely try to tie President Obama to reviled
"bankers" who make vast fortunes liquidating companies and destroying
quality middle-class and blue-collar jobs, much the same work Romney
did at Bain Capital, the private equity firm he co-founded in 1984.
"Former governors have no clue what they're doing"
Another anti-Perry line I expect to hear from Romney soon is that
governors make bad presidents, because they lack foreign policy
experience and expertise on national issues. Romney, a former governor
who lost his one race for the U.S. Senate, will look immaculately
coiffed but utterly dead-eyed as he recites this line in a future
"The Olympics are stupid and should never be held in America!"
It was foolish of President Obama to try to bring the Olympics to
Chicago, because the Olympics are an expensive waste of time and
probably also part of the United Nations plot to enslave us to their
one-world bicycle government, an increasingly desperate Romney will
say at some point in the not-too-distant future. Romney, whose
signature achievement in public service -- prior to establishing a
healthcare system in Massachusetts now decried as socialism -- was his
careful management of the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic Games, will then
go home and burn his framed photo of himself carrying the Olympic
Torch on the first day of the games and the last day he can remember
knowing what it was to feel joy.
"Mormons are creepy! "
A shocking, last-minute Jon Huntsman surge leads Romney to call the
respected former Utah governor a "creepy cult follower" for his
membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the
faith Romney has been practicing his entire life. "Boy, Mormons, they
don't even drink coffee. What a bunch of nuts!" Romney will say, while
carefully unbuttoning his shirt to show that he's not wearing his
sacred temple garments. "They're all polygamists," Romney will shout
at a Tea Party rally. His sons will stop taking his calls.
I hate white people In order to win support from Barack Obama's
disillusioned liberal former supporters, Mitt Romney will announce
that he will end the tyrannical supremacy of the evil white oppressors
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