Looper Lore

Back when I was caddying, I'd hear some kid brag that he
made $100 on some easy loop last Tuesday.
I'd ask him what he made on Wednesday thru Friday.
He'd say, "Well, I didn't get out those days."

"Way to go, kid, you made $25 a day!"


I've seen guys play cards with the Caddy Master from 7:00 AM till Noon
and then have to go bust their butts to pay off the $50 they were down.
But at least those guys got the best loops. After all, the Caddy
Master was gonna get his money!

No sir, it isn't even a good wage. But we did get to play the
super-private course on Mondays so that was cool. And some of the guys
I caddied with went on to caddy on tour, most notably Mitch "Fort"
Knox, who has made over a quarter million bucks caddying for Duval.
But even that dried up for him.


Easiest loop I ever had was on the last day of the season (Dec. 31) one
year. I carried double for an old man and his wife. I was dreading it
("Over here, Mr. Havercamp"), but everybody told me that they played
fast. They had the first tee-time, but there was a frost delay that day
and we couldn't tee off until 11:00 AM sharp.
At exactly 1:20 PM I was driving their BMW down the hill to put their
clubs in the trunk after we had completed 18 holes walking. They
showed me what "ready golf" was all about and when it was over I hadn't
even broken a good sweat.
Got my 60 bucks and went to play golf that afternoon.


One more caddy story .... you gotta hear this one.
Let me tell ya about the time I caddied in the US Amateur.


In the 1991 US AM at The Honors Course, I was assigned an amateur from
California who I'd never heard of. I'll call him Gary, since that was
his name. He was a successful broker from Marin Co. so I knew he had
cash. He could play a little bit as well, and had even won the French
Amateur a few years earlier.
He shows up with this big-ass Titleist Staff bag.
Most of the other players were college age and brought light carry bags
with them. I took quite a ribbing from the other caddies for having to
lug that big black *** around. But it was only one bag (I was used
to carrying double) so it wasn't that bad.
They were using two courses for the stroke play qualifying so we would
be playing at least two practice rounds, plus the two rounds of
stroke-play qualifying. The first day was brutal. This guy would hit
at least 3 balls from every spot, and I spent the whole day lugging
that big bag about 20 miles retrieving them. This was the middle of
August, btw.


After the first practice round, the guy gives me a 50-dollar bill.
That was a lot of cash for only carrying one bag back then (the going
rate was $25), but I'd earned it. The guy says, "Well, I guess I'll
see ya tomorrow," and I answered, "Yeah, I guess so."


I wasn't looking forward to another day of that kind of torture, but
the second day wasn't bad at all. My player was worn out from hitting
all the extra practice shots the previous day so he stuck to one ball
per hole.
When that round was over, he handed me a hundred dollar bill. At first
I thought he wanted some change back, but when I realized that he was
giving me a C-Note for the day, that big bag just got a lot lighter.
Wow, $150 in two days and the tournament hasn't even started yet!


The next day was the first day of stroke play qualifying, and I found
my player down on the range struggling with his swing, hitting balls
into the fog. He told me he had gone to a driving range the night
before and now his swing was really screwed up. He asked me for advice
and I didn't wanna risk messing him up further so I layed the following
advice on him.


"Gary, you've hit thousands of balls in your life and your swing is
pretty well grooved. So just make a nice balanced swing and your
clubface will find the ball."

He liked that idea and felt more relaxed as we waited to tee off.
Before starting, he went into the clubhouse bathroom to take care of
some last minute "business." He's waiting on an empty stall when one
of the stall doors opens and who should walk out but Jack Nicklaus
himself! Jack was there watching his son, Gary, compete and my Gary
knew Jack and asked him for some advice.
He said, "Jack, I've been practicing harder than ever for this
tournament and my swing just keeps getting worse!" Jack put his hand
on his shoulder and said, "Well Gary, it's possible that you've been
practicing the wrong things." That gave my man a lot to think about as
he entered the stall that the great Nicklaus
had just vacated.

When he came outside and told me what had transpired, I only had one
question for him. I asked, "Well, is it true about Nicklaus? Does HIS
stink?"
He laughed and said, "Oh yeah, his stinks!"

I remember that we were paired with Dicky Pride, who at that time was a
college player at Alabama.
A young caddy I knew named Jay was caddying for him. I was doing most
of the work in the group and even helped out Jay with some of the
yardages. We get to #16, a par-3 over water and my guy thinks he can
hit a 6-iron. I tell him, "No Gary, it's a 5-iron shot." He starts
getting a little pissed and says, "I really do think 6-iron is the
club." I say, "Well you'll not get it from me cause 5-iron is the
club. There's some wind up there that you can't see." He reluctantly
takes the 5-iron from me and as he addresses the ball he asks once
more, "You sure about this?" I confidently say, "I'll stake my
reputation on it!"


Gary swung and that ball seemed like it flew in slow motion as it arced
high toward the pin. The crowd gathered around stood in silence as the
ball floated over the lake determining my fate. Even the water was now
still.
The ball slammed down into the green, not 6 feet from the hole as the
crowd erupted in applause.
A loud voice rang out, "Great shot, Gary!" I turned and saw that it
was Grant Spaeth, who was currently the President of the USGA and a
buddy of Gary's from the Bay Area. Gary waved and walked off the tee
smiling, never once acknowledging my contribution. Such is the life of
a caddie.

As we walked around the water, I admired the crystal blue sky, the
cooling breeze, and the throng of people down on the 6th hole following
the young Nicklaus (and his dad), and I thought, "Isn't life
beautiful?" Oh yeah, Gary made the putt for the 2.

After that round was over my guy apologized for having to pay me in
Traveler's Checks. When I saw there was $150 worth of them I said, "No
prob. See ya tomorrow!"
Three days .... $300 bucks! I could get used to this!

The next day would be our last together as my guy narrowly missed the
cut to get into the Match Play. I expected him to be down and
dejected, but he told me I did a great job and it wasn't my fault.
When he handed me two hundred-dollar bills for my day's wage, I was
really upset about him missing the cut. At this rate, I calculated, I
could retire if he made it to the finals.
But $500 was a fortune to me, especially for 4 days of walking a golf
course with only one bag.


As it turned out, Dicky Pride made it to the quarterfinals and was 1-up
on Manny Zerman going to the par-5 17th hole. Zerman was in trouble
off the tee and Pride only needed to par the hole to win the match. I
sat at home watching on TV as Dicky discussed the situation with Jay,
his young caddy. I yelled through the TV, "Give him the seven!" They
decided to lay up with a 5-iron and I cringed as he hit it into the
woods on the right.
Zerman went on to win the match, losing to Mitch Voges in the finals.
Phil Mickelson did some color commentary for ABC after he was
eliminated.
It was the first time I ever heard an announcer say, "Oooooh, he nutted
that one!"


The next week I learned that I made more money caddying that week than
my friend, Jay, who made it to the Semi-Finals. My only regret was not
being on Pride's bag that week. We'd have made it to The Masters for
sure.
I'll stake my reputation on it!

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