Kip Henley Wins Again !!!

Played in the Don Malarkey Open this week.
As usual, Kipper kicked my *** ... and everyone else's.

Don Malarkey is an old (100) pro at Signal Mountain who came to the
course in 1956 and he's still there as Head Pro Emeritus.
He's shot his age over 600 times and even made a hole-in-one at the age
of 90. He's really a cool old dude.
I shook his hand on the first tee and told him that it was an honor for
me to play in any tournament that honors him.
He said he was honored that I would play.
As he should be!

He was also a pilot back in the day and he told me that he used to pull
an old jet engine down the fairways to clear the leaves and fallen
limbs.
It worked pretty well, until the people living in the houses across the
street started complaining about all the stuff smashing into their
houses.

Here is the official story from the TGA web page:
http://tinyurl.com/dv2l7

Here are the official recaps of my rounds that I e-mailed to The Oldest
Member (he loves reading that ***).
================================

Day 1: THIS JUST IN ......

I SUCK AT GOLF !!!

Went to the range this morning and hit the ball beautifully. Then I
went up to Signal Mountain, shook Don Malarkey's hand (the fuckin 100
year-old black cat!) and then proceeded to throw up all over myself for
5 holes (5 over after 5, thanks to a triple on #4).
Then I changed shirts.
Birdied 6, parred 7 & 8, and birdied 9.
(Pretty little Rescue 2-iron pin-high on #7 from 218 yards, btw.)

Felt better as we started the back-9 .... until I skulled my SW into
the left bunker on #10.
Guess I'm not used to fairways which slope 45° down.

Bladed it back out into the fairway and then hit a beauty of a 60°
wedge which landed about 6 feet from the hole and didn't stop till it
was 50' past. Easy double.

Missed a 6' birdie on #13 and a 10-footer on #17.
Knocked it on #18 with my Rescue 3-iron and made birdie as it started
to pour down rain.
Just then, a big lightning bolt crashed down, killing the pro I was
playing with.
First time I've ever birdied that fuckin hole.

The water on my back felt good as I stood over the final putt. I
didn't stand over it too long, which might be why I made it. Maybe
I'll try that technique tomorrow. "Say brother, can you spare a garden
hose?"

All in all, a very disappointing 76. Shot 72 yesterday in my practice
round with 5 birds. Only 3 birdies today, and a double and a triple.
Yuck.

Shot the *** with Kip Henley after I finished while he waited for the
rain to subside.
I told him that he and my daddy are the only two men to ever make me
cry.
He said that maybe I was just getting in touch with my feminine side.
Well, I do have big tits....

Kip also spoke of his Big Break II experiences and how difficult it was
to keep the secret of his winning for 4 months.
The Golf Channel made him sign lots of legal stuff and threatened a
million dollar lawsuit if he broke his silence. He said he didn't fear
a million dollar lawsuit. "Now if it was 180 bucks, I'd be worried,"
Kip said.

Kip also told the Golf Channel legal staff that after 17 years of
marriage he had to tell his wife, and if they didn't like it they could
start the legal proceedings right then. But that was the only person he
told.
He wouldn't even tell his daughters.

Right after the show was filmed, Kip was caddying for Jason Bohn in a
tour event. His brother, Brent, was also caddying (for Woody Austin)
and so they shared a hotel room that week. The first night, Brent
starts in on him trying to get Kip to tell him how he did. But Kip
wouldn't tell Brent anything about the show. That night as they met
back at the motel, Brent said, "Man, thanks for not telling me. There
must've been 500 people today ask me whether you won." It seems that
some of the other caddies were trying to make some easy cash by booking
bets on it.

====================================

The Oldest Member replied:
>>Hang in there---a light runnin" 73 will break 150

====================================

Day 2: 148

Another day of tournament nerves this AM.
For some reason whenever I'm playing a tournament my driver only feels
right in my hand if I'm gripping it hooked. If I grip it square or
slightly open to promote a fade it feels terrible and so I snatch it
back closed through the ball. I worked on this on the range this
morning and thought I had it cured, but my first tee shot was another
quick hook. On #4 I made my mind up not to hook it so I blocked it
into the trees. .... bogey.
I roped another one on #5 and had to chip out sideways and made my 3rd
straight bogey.
3 over after 5 ..... hey, that's two shots better than yesterday.

I did my customary shirt change on #6 tee and belted my new Rescue
2-iron onto the green from about 205 and had a curling 20-footer with
about 3 feet of break left .... which I made for my first 2 of the day
(but not my last). "It's the shirt," I told my playing partners.
Back to 2-over.

I actually hit a nice fade on #8 and hit the green (Rescue 3) and made
par. I hit two perfect shots on #9 and then came off a short iron and
had to scramble for a par, almost chipping it in.

On the back-9 I started relaxing and found my game. I hit nice shots
all the way around, but couldn't putt it in the ocean. On #11 I hit
60° wedge to 4-feet and missed it. Missed about a 12-footer on #12
and another 20-footer on #13.

On #14 the pin was back 9 yards from the center so it was playing right
at 211.
Rescue 2 to the rescue and another birdie 2.
Back to 1-over.

The pin position on the 3-tiered green on #15 was diabolical, on the
bottom tier over a trap.
If you hit to one of the other tiers you were gonna putt it off the
green. I stuck a 9-iron approach which hit 1' from the cup and slid
off to the edge of the green 15' away. Missed that one, and then
missed a 15-footer on #16 which was in all the way. Even the pro I was
playing with "solid birdie" as it approached the cup. It lipped out
for a solid par.

Another par-3 coming up, another Rescue club, this time the Rescue 5
from 171. Drew it in there perfect, but the ball stuck in the fringe
about 15' away. Made that one for my 3rd duece of the day. "Par-3
Specialist."
Back to even par.

I love my new Rescues!

Slight pull on #18 and another draw from a jumpy lie left me chipping
for the first time since the 9th hole. A crappy sideways bounce out of
the fringe cost me being stiff and I yanked the 15' putt for a lousy
finishing bogey.
Back to 1-over par 72.

Drove back down the mountain thinking "What if?"
Someday I'll shoot nothing on that track.

.

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