Re: Well, ***...(long)

On Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:36:11 -0700 (PDT), "deemsbill@xxxxxxx"
<deemsbill@xxxxxxx> wrote:

I'm going to top post. My pain is not as bad as yours but I sorta know
how you feel.

My wife's 87 year old uncle was diagnosed last week with stage 4 lung
cancer. He is the brother I never had, my fishing buddy, my Masonic
brother, a Bama fan - and a guy I just like to be with.

We are born and we die - that's the plan. And some of us have faith
that we will live again.

I had a number of great years with my dad, and the way our sons,
grandsons and d-i-ls keep up with me, we're having great years. Two
things matter - family and leaving someone who remembers you.

As for your dad, you did not ask me. My unvarying choice would be
quality of life. Pull the plug when it is time.

I had a defibrillator implanted Monday, went home Tuesday, had
pneumonia by Wednesday night, hadn't had a BM since Sunday... I tire
quickly, the antibiotics are doing their job and the prescribed
laxatives REALLY worked.

There was a request from someone on rsfc to make room for the implant
by removing my attitude. To Anonymous: it didn't work.

It's not the end of the world but it will seem like it to your mother.
My mother waited 20 years to be with my dad, wanting to be there every
hour of every day. She wore out 7 LP recordings of Beyond the Sunset.

I never had a sibling with whom to contest decisions so I can't help
there.

I don't speak for anyone else here, but I believe everyone will have
the best interests of you and your family in mind. You are a strong
individual and your mother will need some of that strength.

I hope you get a cupla smiles from this.

Hugh


...the last three days have sucked.

My mother E-mailed me last friday to tell me my father was in
the hospital. She didn't call because we turned off our landline and
she says she never had our cell numbers...they are in her phone.

I didn't read the E-mail until Tuesday (I know....) and so I
called her. It seems the hospital was "80-90% sure" he had lung
cancer. So, I fixed things at work and drove up Wed.

Sometime Tues evening, the hospital in Trenton transferred him to
U of Penn hospital but neglected to tell anyone. Somehow, my mother's
phone number wasn't transferred with him and it took Penn several
hours of phone tag to get the number....my mother's cell which she
doesn't turn on unless she is making a call. My mother and brother
went to the Trenton hospital Wed morning and dad wasn't there....took
a bit to figure out he was in Philly. At least I was driving up,
because that would've put me in a really pissy mood.

So, I get there Wed evening, and I start asking questions like
"Have they done a biopsy?", "Have they discussed options?", etc,
etc....and got "We think they did a biopsy", etc, etc. IOW, the
doctors in Trenton hadn't told them crap and the doctors in Philly
were just getting started.

We went to Philly on Thursday and talked to the doctors. Dad has
small-cell lung cancer in both lungs and it's spread to "at least" his
lymph system. The oncologist said it was incurable and did we want to
start chemo....the one "good" thing about small-cell is it is rather
easily knocked back...it just keep reappearing. My mother said "yes"
and I'm like...."what's the prognosis?"

The oncologist said the average life expectancy was 8-9 months if
the patient is in otherwise good health. My dad is 82 and, well, he's
82. My mother signed the papers and the oncologist took off to get
things rolling.

This is when I said "Do we want to do this?" and got shocked looks
from my mother and brother. "While there's life there's hope" was
thrown in the conversation. Well, the nurse came and asked us who we
had talked to and when we said the oncologist, she went and got the
other members of the team. The head of the team came and my mother
said that if we could get 8-9 months of improved life for him, it was
worth it. This doctor said we could extend his life....maybe 3
months...but the quality might actually suffer. He would never be up
and around again, he may never leave the hospital, etc, etc. He might
even be sedated the rest of his life. He was agreeing with me, but
wouldn't come right out and say it.

I don't think my mother heard any of that. I tried again and was
shot down by both my mom and brother. I'm the one who moved away 30+
years ago. I haven't been around, etc, etc. So, I drove home today
feeling bad about the whole situation but mainly because I couldn't
get them to look at what they're going to put dad through with so
little hope of any improvement. I guess mom isn't ready to let him go,
etc.

So.....the first thing I told my wife when I got home (well, the
second),,was if I'm ever in that situation to make me as comfortable
as possible, stamp DNR on my forehead, and don't feel guilty. Y'all
should all do the same thing.


.

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