Re: Well, shit...(long)
- From: Chris Mihos <cmihos@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:43:57 -0700 (PDT)
On Jul 10, 8:36 pm, "deemsb...@xxxxxxx" <deemsb...@xxxxxxx> wrote:
...the last three days have sucked.
My mother E-mailed me last friday to tell me my father was in
the hospital. She didn't call because we turned off our landline and
she says she never had our cell numbers...they are in her phone.
I didn't read the E-mail until Tuesday (I know....) and so I
called her. It seems the hospital was "80-90% sure" he had lung
cancer. So, I fixed things at work and drove up Wed.
Sometime Tues evening, the hospital in Trenton transferred him to
U of Penn hospital but neglected to tell anyone. Somehow, my mother's
phone number wasn't transferred with him and it took Penn several
hours of phone tag to get the number....my mother's cell which she
doesn't turn on unless she is making a call. My mother and brother
went to the Trenton hospital Wed morning and dad wasn't there....took
a bit to figure out he was in Philly. At least I was driving up,
because that would've put me in a really pissy mood.
So, I get there Wed evening, and I start asking questions like
"Have they done a biopsy?", "Have they discussed options?", etc,
etc....and got "We think they did a biopsy", etc, etc. IOW, the
doctors in Trenton hadn't told them crap and the doctors in Philly
were just getting started.
We went to Philly on Thursday and talked to the doctors. Dad has
small-cell lung cancer in both lungs and it's spread to "at least" his
lymph system. The oncologist said it was incurable and did we want to
start chemo....the one "good" thing about small-cell is it is rather
easily knocked back...it just keep reappearing. My mother said "yes"
and I'm like...."what's the prognosis?"
The oncologist said the average life expectancy was 8-9 months if
the patient is in otherwise good health. My dad is 82 and, well, he's
82. My mother signed the papers and the oncologist took off to get
This is when I said "Do we want to do this?" and got shocked looks
from my mother and brother. "While there's life there's hope" was
thrown in the conversation. Well, the nurse came and asked us who we
had talked to and when we said the oncologist, she went and got the
other members of the team. The head of the team came and my mother
said that if we could get 8-9 months of improved life for him, it was
worth it. This doctor said we could extend his life....maybe 3
months...but the quality might actually suffer. He would never be up
and around again, he may never leave the hospital, etc, etc. He might
even be sedated the rest of his life. He was agreeing with me, but
wouldn't come right out and say it.
I don't think my mother heard any of that. I tried again and was
shot down by both my mom and brother. I'm the one who moved away 30+
years ago. I haven't been around, etc, etc. So, I drove home today
feeling bad about the whole situation but mainly because I couldn't
get them to look at what they're going to put dad through with so
little hope of any improvement. I guess mom isn't ready to let him go,
So.....the first thing I told my wife when I got home (well, the
second),,was if I'm ever in that situation to make me as comfortable
as possible, stamp DNR on my forehead, and don't feel guilty. Y'all
should all do the same thing.
That's awful, guy. My condolences and best wishes for a gentle end to
- Well, shit...(long)
- From: deemsbill@xxxxxxx
- Well, shit...(long)
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