Re: I heard from Hendryx... he's okay

Quiet, "NapalmHeart" <olsonfamNOSPAM@xxxxxxxxx> -- I'm transmitting rage.


"Frisbee®" <discgolfdad@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in
message
news:Pi%ql.10625$v8.5959@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We have the standard 6ft. wooden fence in the
backyard, and a few
months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing
dramatically in the
entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an
electric fence and
ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the
biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made
for 26 miles of fence.


I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5
feet into the ground.
The ground rod is the key, with the more you
have in the ground, the
better the
fence works.


One day I'm mowing the back yard with my 6hp
bigwheel pushmower. The
hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I
knew for a fact that I
unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around
the wire and reached down
to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems
as though I hadn't
remembered to unplug it after all.


Now I'm standing there, I've got the running
lawnmower in my right
hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other
hand. Keep in mind
the charger is about the size of a marine
battery and has a picture of
an upside down cow on fire on the cover.


Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my
balls trying to climb
up the front side of my body. My ears curled
downwards and I could
feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the
backside of my brain. Every
time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could
feel the spark in my
head. I was literally at one with the engine. It
seems as though the
fence charger and the POS lawnmower were
fighting over who would
control my electrical impulses.


Science says one cannot crap, and pee at the
same time. I beg to
differ. Not only did I do both at once, but my
bowels emptied 3
different times in less than half of a second.
It was a Matrix kind of
bowel movement, where time is creeping along and
you're all leaned
back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3
times. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it
was so close together
it was like exhaust pulses from a big block
Chevy turning 8 grand.


At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2
seconds) into holding onto
the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the
wire palm down so I cant
let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about
electric fences... but
Dad always had those POS chargers made by
International or whoever
that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
This I could not let go
of.


The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting
signals from me through
the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At
this point I'm thinking
I'm going to have to just man up and take it,
until the lawnmower runs
out of gas.


'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled
the tank! Now the
lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has
settled into a loping run
pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower
race cam in it.
Covered in poop, and pee, with my balls on my
chest I think 'Oh God
please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it
settles into the rough
lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a
big bore roller cam
EFI motor waiting for the go command from its
owner's right foot.


So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees,
80% humidity,
standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill
me. God did not take
me that day... he left me there covered in my
own fluids to writhe in
the misery my own stupidity had created.


I honestly don't know how I got loose from the
wire... I woke up
laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower
was beside me, out of
gas. It was later on in the day and I was
sunburned. There were two
large dead grass spots where I had been
standing, and then another
long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed
while I was on the
ground still holding on to it.


I assume I finally had a seizure and in the
resulting thrashing had
somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my
electrically induced
sleep I realized a few things.


1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.


2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet
and my right *** cheek
(not the left, just the right).


3- Poop and pee when all mixed together, do not
smell as bad a you
might first think.


4- My left eye will not open.


5- My right eye will not close.


6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now.
Seriously! I think our
little session cleared out some carbon fouling
or something, because
it was better than new after that.


7- My balls are still smaller than average yet
they are almost a foot
long.


8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by
farting while thinking of
the number 4 (still dont understand this?)


That day changed my life. I now have a newfound
respect for things. I
appreciate the little things more, and now I
always triple check to
make
sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.


The good news, is that if a burglar does try to
come over the fence, I
can clearly visualize what my security system
will do to him, and THAT
gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over,
which also reminds me to
triple check before I mow.


Cool. Kinda like when I'd get my city cousins to
piss on the fence wire.




What does this have to do with Hendryx?

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
James Schrumpf http://www.hilltopper.net

White should not have to adapt to make it in the NFL.
The NFL needs to adapt to Pat White!

RSFCkers! Web Forum http://www.hilltopper.net/rsfckers
WVU web page http://wvu.hilltopper.net
.

Quantcast